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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 01:14 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I find it really sad that today is national suicide awareness day and I am here thinking about all the ways I could possibly end my life. I am so sick and fucking tired of feeling this way. I am always disappointing my friends and family. I can't seem to please anyone. I am so afraid and scared in one of my classes at school I have panic attacks and they are getting bad. I'm lying to everyone saying I'm not suicidal but I really am. I can't do anything about it though because I CANNOT miss school. My grades will suffer and I will not pass and that is something I CANNOT have happen. I am just so sick and tired of all the fighting my family does. My grandpa is getting worse and picks on me any chance he gets. I can't move out grandma wont let me. I think it is really time to say goodbye to everyone and take one more last breathe and just kill myself tonight.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 03:10 AM

Essa please don't do this. You NEED professional help. I know that its hard but if ypou do this there's no chance of things getting any easier. There's no chance of things getting better, of you getting better. We're all here for you and we love you. So please don't do this. Its not the answer.


Keep holding on. xXrawrXx
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 05:09 AM

I tired of trying to get better. and i garentee you will not understand this. I have been trying to get better for 15 fucking years and it gets better for a little bit then it all goes to crap again. I don't want that. If I cannot be normal without any mental health issues then I don't want to be alive anymore.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability|
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 03:39 PM

Hello-

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling this much. As Destiny said you need professional help! I understand that going to school is important to you and it should be BUT your mental health and safety is more important than school right now. Please seek professional help! We care about you and we do not want to see anything bad happen to you!

If you need anything please don't hesitate to PM me.


-Jr.


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-Nido Qubein


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 04:33 PM

Hi Essa,

I sort of understand what you're going through. I was in a very dark place a couple years ago, and I didn't think I would ever get out of it. I tried ending my life twice and, obviously, it didn't work. You might feel like you're disappointing your friends and family, but deep down they care about you. Maybe they just have something going on. Maybe they are stressed. Maybe they are also in a dark deep hole. If you were to kill yourself, they would be a wreck. They kept you for a reason, they wanted a child. They could have had an abortion, or given you up for adoption, but they didn't. You are still their daughter and they care about you.

The way I see it, you are still really young and you still have a long life ahead of you. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you might not see it yet because your tunnel might be a bit longer than others, but there will be a light.

Are you on medication? After my attempts I went to see a psychiatrist, and I ended up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If you're currently on medication I recommend going to see your family doctor and try and get on them. They honestly, are miracle workers. Once you get on the right one you will feel better, I promise. I'm finally on the right mix of medication, and I'm actually feeling so much better. I haven't thought of suicide in about two weeks (my meds were changed almost a month ago).

Before you do anything, please try the medication and try talking to a therapist. If it becomes urgent please call one of these numbers.. You can also message me, I'm usually online.

My parents used to fight a lot to. What I did was put in my headphones, turned up the music so I couldn't hear them.

Stay strong Essa, I know you can get through this. We are always here for you,
Brittany <3



“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 06:15 PM

Hey Essa.

Truth is no one can ever fully understand anyone. Me and you both could be in the exact same spot, go through the exact same experience at the exact same time, but our minds could view it differently have different thoughts about it. However, a lot of us including myself are or have been in very very similar situations to yourself and can relate a lot to what you are going through and how you are feeling right now.

Truth is you have to find the right treatment for the disorder you have, have it for the approiate amount of time for yourself, look into the background issues of what are casuing you to feel this way, learn skills and distractions to manage and deal with things when it gets hard and learn to do things instead of acting on impulse and urges and reaching our for help when needed as well as taking the correct medication and attending therapy/counseling. Now I have no idea what treatment you have had, are having or have been referred on to or what medication you are on, whether you are even on any or ever have been and I don't know whether you see a therapist or counselor. I have had fourteen admissions in seven years, my longest being two and a half years at where I was admitted to a rehab in a secure unit for women with BPD for treatment with DBT, treatment with a psychologist (I had trauma therapy and exposure therapy with me) and regular meetings with a therapist and your named nurse and associate nurse each week baring in mind we did DBT groups about four-five hours a day. But then I went somewhere else once which was based on CBT and they did up to eight hours of CBT group sessions a day along with sessions of relaxation, mindfulness, yoga etc so it was pretty full on. Now I am on medication, seeing a CPN weekly, see my GP every other week or so, see a psychiatrist, Im on the waiting list for psychology and bereavement counseling and I go to support groups and have a sponsor. For me at the moment, that is just about helping and keeping me going. But my needs are different to yours. So what support/medication have you had and what do you have now?

I know it feels like it is never going to get better but nothing ever lasts forever, even being happy doesn't last forever, so this too shall pass. I doubt very much for the past so many years you mentioned, you have been constantly low, depressed,suicidal, had urges etc, because I believe whether you can see these times right now or not, that there have been happy moments too, we just lose sight of them when it gets dark. Thats why I take lots of photos and print them of and do scrap books etc and keep diaries and so on to remind myself of the good days so on the bad days it reminds me of what I do have. You just have to keep pushing forward until you find the right things that work for you. There will be things, its just about finding them.

And remember, we're here for you all the time. You are never alone in this so reach out to us whenever you need us okay? We'll fight through it with you so you are never alone or by yourself.

Hopes and wishes,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 06:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by .Brittany. View Post
Hi Essa,

I sort of understand what you're going through. I was in a very dark place a couple years ago, and I didn't think I would ever get out of it. I tried ending my life twice and, obviously, it didn't work. You might feel like you're disappointing your friends and family, but deep down they care about you. Maybe they just have something going on. Maybe they are stressed. Maybe they are also in a dark deep hole. If you were to kill yourself, they would be a wreck. They kept you for a reason, they wanted a child. They could have had an abortion, or given you up for adoption, but they didn't. You are still their daughter and they care about you.

The way I see it, you are still really young and you still have a long life ahead of you. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you might not see it yet because your tunnel might be a bit longer than others, but there will be a light.

Are you on medication? After my attempts I went to see a psychiatrist, and I ended up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If you're currently on medication I recommend going to see your family doctor and try and get on them. They honestly, are miracle workers. Once you get on the right one you will feel better, I promise. I'm finally on the right mix of medication, and I'm actually feeling so much better. I haven't thought of suicide in about two weeks (my meds were changed almost a month ago).



Stay strong Essa, I know you can get through this. We are always here for you,
Brittany <3
I basically am adopted. My mom and father are dead beats my father molested me. And my mom is not a good parent. I have lived with grandparents my whole life. So basically i was a mistake.

I have been on meds since i was five years old they are working. I was just in a really bad spot. I feel a little better today. I talk to my therappist and we. Have a plan set in place.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability|
|PM/VM|


   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
"Now don't lose your fight kid
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 06:53 PM

I'm really glad that today is a bit better. Just keep on fighting. And know that you can ALWAYS PM me. We're here for you. We love you. Stay safe


Keep holding on. xXrawrXx
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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**********
 
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Name: Frankie<3
Age: 27
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Location: Lost in the music.

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Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 08:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palmolive View Post
Hey Essa.

Truth is no one can ever fully understand anyone. Me and you both could be in the exact same spot, go through the exact same experience at the exact same time, but our minds could view it differently have different thoughts about it. However, a lot of us including myself are or have been in very very similar situations to yourself and can relate a lot to what you are going through and how you are feeling right now.

Truth is you have to find the right treatment for the disorder you have, have it for the approiate amount of time for yourself, look into the background issues of what are casuing you to feel this way, learn skills and distractions to manage and deal with things when it gets hard and learn to do things instead of acting on impulse and urges and reaching our for help when needed as well as taking the correct medication and attending therapy/counseling. Now I have no idea what treatment you have had, are having or have been referred on to or what medication you are on, whether you are even on any or ever have been and I don't know whether you see a therapist or counselor. I have had fourteen admissions in seven years, my longest being two and a half years at where I was admitted to a rehab in a secure unit for women with BPD for treatment with DBT, treatment with a psychologist (I had trauma therapy and exposure therapy with me) and regular meetings with a therapist and your named nurse and associate nurse each week baring in mind we did DBT groups about four-five hours a day. But then I went somewhere else once which was based on CBT and they did up to eight hours of CBT group sessions a day along with sessions of relaxation, mindfulness, yoga etc so it was pretty full on. Now I am on medication, seeing a CPN weekly, see my GP every other week or so, see a psychiatrist, Im on the waiting list for psychology and bereavement counseling and I go to support groups and have a sponsor. For me at the moment, that is just about helping and keeping me going. But my needs are different to yours. So what support/medication have you had and what do you have now?

I know it feels like it is never going to get better but nothing ever lasts forever, even being happy doesn't last forever, so this too shall pass. I doubt very much for the past so many years you mentioned, you have been constantly low, depressed,suicidal, had urges etc, because I believe whether you can see these times right now or not, that there have been happy moments too, we just lose sight of them when it gets dark. Thats why I take lots of photos and print them of and do scrap books etc and keep diaries and so on to remind myself of the good days so on the bad days it reminds me of what I do have. You just have to keep pushing forward until you find the right things that work for you. There will be things, its just about finding them.

And remember, we're here for you all the time. You are never alone in this so reach out to us whenever you need us okay? We'll fight through it with you so you are never alone or by yourself.

Hopes and wishes,
Jessie
I have been on pills since I was 5 years old. I have been put on a 51/52 19 times since I was 15 so in 10 years. I have been to a residential treatment center. for about two months and it did help for awhile. I have a therapist that specializes in ED. I feel a lot better today. I just couldn't take the weekend it was way to much for me.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability|
|PM/VM|


   
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Re: dead dead dead by tonight. - September 12th 2016, 09:08 PM

I am glad that you are feeling better today


-Jr.


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-Nido Qubein


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