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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
Music Lover

Outside, huh?
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END(TW: SH< ED, SUICIDE) - December 1st 2016, 01:54 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't feel like fighting anymore. I always feel like shit. My therapist is leaving. I have had 25 years of life and only 5 of it was really good. I just want to be happy again. I can't live like this anymore. I just ate and I'm still starving but I ate a lot. I'm trying not to get rid of it. AnaMia is telling me to go to the store and by laxatives and diet pills. This cycle never ends. I just want this to stop. I don't know what to do anymore. All my friends are fighting for recovery and it seems like that is all I have been doing and I'm sick of it. I just want it to end. I want my life to end. I just want to cut all the fat off my body and lay there with all the blood. I just want this to end. I can't keep fighting anymore


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
Purr Purr Purr.
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jessie
Age: 25
Gender: Girly.
Location: The stars.

Posts: 5,791
Blog Entries: 2317
Join Date: January 31st 2009

Re: END(TW: SH< ED, SUICIDE) - December 1st 2016, 08:34 PM

You can and you will. You can't and you won't. The mind is a very powerful thing.

The cycle is hard to break but only you can do it. I could advise you 24/7 but it will only work and help if you listen to what we all say, take action and begin to make that change. I am not saying it is easy, because it may well be the hardest thing you ever do, but I can say it will be worth it in the end. Life doesn't have to be this way. The more you engage in these behaviours, the more you're telling your brain you need them to cope when you feel low, sad, upset, anxious, angry etc. The more you start fighting, the more you tell the pathways in your brain that you don't need these behaviours such as self harm etc, to cope. And the longer you continue with out it, the easier it will become.

Learning to live with out these things (binging, cutting etc) is hard. Its become normal to you and I can relate to this. I am in the middle of trying to break the cycles I have become trapped in. The more I motivate myself and tell myself I can do it, the more I do it. Yes, lapses happen but this is normal. Hopefully over time the time between the lapses will become longer and longer until one day you just don't need to engage in these behaviours to make things feel better/easier. Sometimes it can become habbit too. We can engage in these behaviours for so long it becomes a routine just like washing or brushing your teeth. It can also be a place where we feel safe. Sometimes the thought of living with out these things can cause anxiety because we think how will we cope with out them when they help us? But the truth is, there are other things you can do to help you feel better.

What skills and distractions are you currently using? Is there anything you have found helpful? I think this is something to really explore. There are so many things that can help and take place of negative behaviours but because there are so many things, it can take time to find ones that really help for us.

Just know you are strong enough to get through this. You have already come so far and even reaching out for help on here is a big step and proves to me a part of you wants that help and support to get better and know that we will always be here to do that, to give you the help and support you need. You are never alone in this. I believe in you; I always have done and I know you're a fighter and that you can get through this. Just remember you deserve a life. You can have a bright future. Now it's time to fight for that.

Don't be alone.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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