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&& it all comes tumbling down. - December 9th 2016, 06:29 PM

I'm having a rough day today. Last night I ended up having to go to the hospital for extreme chest pain. My boyfriend is pissed because it's another bill we have to pay when we don't have the money. All they said it was basically a stress reaction - which my boyfriend called. But I literally felt like I was going to die, and I know it wasn't a panic attack because other than the pain, I had no symptoms.

Which makes me worry about my health. I can't make doctors listen to me. They hear that I have anxiety and automatically diagnosise me. Like the conversation is over, no more concern. I just can't help but feel that something is wrong with my body. (who knows maybe it is just anxiety).

Anyways, today my boyfriend is walking around all pissed off. Which makes me feel like shit. He wants to get a second job. But that wouldn't be healthy for him.

I don't know. Today I just feel like a pathetic worthless piece of shit. I freaked out over apparently nothing, causing my boyfriend pain. Which is causing me pain. I just don't know how to feel. I feel like I am losing all control, and control is the one thing that I crave more than anything. I have never been able to control anything. The only thing I could ever control was my cutting - but I don't do that anymore. So, now when life gets messy I don't know what to do.

On top of this, my chest still kind of hurts, not nearly as bad. But I can still feel it there.

I really just don't know what to do atm.
I feel like my life is falling apart.
   
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Re: && it all comes tumbling down. - December 21st 2016, 08:39 PM

Hi Cass,

I'm really sorry that you have yet to receive a reply. I'm really sorry you're going through all this stress with your health and doctors. I think that if you were to make another doctor's appointment that you should put your foot down and tell them to figure out what is going on with you. Don't beat yourself up because you went to the hospital, the way I see it is that it's better to be safe then sorry. What if it was something serious and you didn't go? So it's best that you went.

I know some countries don't have the best health benefits, I'm assuming you live in the states, correct me if I am wrong. Are you and your boyfriend able to look into some health benefits? I know a little about the U.S health system as I work in a hospital up here in Canada, so I know that there are some available.

I've been under a lot of stress too, and I have been getting regular chest pains because of that, so it's most likely what's going on. Try and take some time for yourself. Take a bath, go for a walk, or write some poetry. Maybe it can help clear your mind! PM me if you need anything

Stay strong
Brittany



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Re: && it all comes tumbling down. - December 21st 2016, 09:27 PM

Hey there,

Thank you for coming to us here

It sounds like things are tough for you right now and that you really are struggling. I want to say I am glad you went to hospital. What ever it was/is, needed to be checked out and I also want to say that if you have any further issues or concerns, please do seek help from a medical professional.

Money can cause a lot of stress so it is understandable if your partner is stressed over it but ultimately, in my opinion, you come first and that includes both your physical and mental health. It is a lot better to be safe than sorry and for you to turn very unwell. Have you spoken to them and told them how you feel they are acting and how this is making you feel? Maybe that could be a good idea; not to make him feel bad but so you then do not feel bad about the situation.

I know life seems tough now but it will not last forever. Things will get better and you seem like a bright and lovely person and you deserve the best. I know it is hard for you right now but keep on fighting and remember you are not alone.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


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