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SecretLife Offline
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Name: Beth
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Unhappy Been awhile... - January 20th 2017, 04:11 AM

Been one year and nine months since I've cut myself.Been awhile since I've felt depressed like this..I'm pretty down..
I'm hurting..I'm depressed. And its so hard to not show the hurt,and pain I'm feeling around my baby boy.Most of the time his beautiful little smile can slowly pull me out of this shit,but when his precious self is sleeping,I slip back into it. I'm disgusted with my relationship..I'm disgusted with my life..and I do not want to be this way around my baby. I cannot be this way around my baby.He doesn't need to see his mommy hurting,or crying...and that's all he's seen lately.I'm so fucking tired of this depression shit.It makes it almost impossible to not relapse.
I know I wouldn't cut now that I have a Child.My issue is the urges and I can't fucking stand it.To hold all the anger and depression in,and not being able to release it..Its difficult. There's got to be another way to release all that I've got held in,without cutting right???
There's got to be...
I need to get my life back together,for my baby boy and me.
I've got to keep myself together.
but its so hard to do.
I love my little man..he's my world now.
I couldn't live without him.
I need to get a grip on my life....I want to my baby growing up happy and cheerful.
He's sooo handsome. He's so smart. He's got the most beautiful hazel eyes,and beautiful tan skin,and beautiful blonde hair. Everything about him is beautiful..
and I feel like I'm failing my beautiful baby boy.
I don't want to have these urges..Hell I thot they'd be gone by a year and nine months..guess not. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't this long..
I wanna be done with this shit.
I don't want my baby ever knowing his Momma self harmed.. I'm afraid of what he'd think..I want him loving me..not looking down on me. So I need these stupid urges to go AWAY.....
How do I get them to go away...theres got to be a way after all this time...Right??..or no..
Fuck.I hope so..
   
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.Brittany. Offline
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Re: Been awhile... - January 21st 2017, 01:25 AM

Hi Beth,

I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much. I know how bad depression can get, however, I'm not a mom so I don't know much about that.

How old is your son? Could it be PPD (Post-Partum Depression)? Were you on medication before you had your son that had to be stopped while you were pregnant?

Maybe you can do things to keep your mind distracted. I've recently started colouring pictures that I enjoy. Working on a Pikachu and Jigglypuff picture right now. It will keep your mind and hands busy

Here's a list of self harm alternatives . I know that there's a lot on there, but try and find one that works best for you. I tend to watch TV or a funny movie. I can also be found in chat having a funny conversation with the other people who are in there

Also, here's a list of hotlines that you can also call in case you need someone to talk to urgently.

I really hope that you start feeling better. I highly recommend going to see your family doctor and let them know how you've been feeling lately. They might have more options for you including medication.

Stay strong, I know you can get through this!
Brittany



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SecretLife Offline
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Re: Been awhile... - January 21st 2017, 06:26 AM

I use to be on depression medicine about 3 years ago.But had to be taken off because the only kind i was able to have didnt benefit me the way they had hoped it would.My son will be 3 months old in 2 days.

I do enjoy coloring,but since my baby has started teething he's been extra cranky and so he's been keeping me somewhat busy.I will try the alternatives if I think I need to though.Those seemed to help when I was cutting,thank you.
   
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Re: Been awhile... - January 21st 2017, 06:37 AM

Have you tried other antidepressant medications? I had to try over a dozen different ones before I found the one that worked for me.

It did make a huge difference once I found the right one. I knew we had a winner within a few days of starting it, as I could just tell I was starting to feel better (which was a feeling I hadn't felt in like forever). I slowly got better and better. After 2 weeks I could tolerate being alive again. After 2 months I thought, "I could live with this." It kept getting even better still. It took a full year for full recovery.

A lot of other antidepressant medications just didn't really work for me. I kept trying different ones, and seeing my doctor every 2 weeks, until we found the one that worked.

Keep hope that you won't have to suffer like this forever. There's likely a cure out there for you.
   
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