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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TheAtomicBlade Offline
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Feeling worthless - February 4th 2017, 01:44 AM

Hey
So in recent times I've been feeling completely worthless. Like I really feel like something is broken inside. I get really really clingy to my friends, just because I am lonely and I get scared because I feel alone.
I feel like I'm really fat and weird. I'm a geek, and I've never had a girlfriend, or heck anything to even call like intimacy. I feel like I give nothing to the world and that I just mess up everything in life. It feels like I just am a horrible person who is always complaining and whining and being an all round prick.
On top of that I feel like I've just got nothing that I can contribute to the world. Just like, I'm a waste of space, breath and time and that everyone would be better off without me. I don't know what to do. I'm just spending my days sleeping a lot and going for runs, but I still like a waste and super unhealthy. I've got ADHD and anxiety, and it really takes a lot out of me because my family refuses to believe ADHD is a thing and that I can just "focus" if I put my mind to it.
And on top of that, I seem to be average in everything. My grades aren't great, and I have had some crap happen in recent times so not really surprising but it bugs me, I can't play guitar too well, I can't seem to do anything well. All my friends seem to be so much better than me. I can't even run as fast as I want.
Some days I just want to smoke or get drunk or something just to feel better. I haven't done any of them yet, but it just feels like that would be the easiest way to deal.
I'm meeting a therapist, but I don't know if I'm just being a pain.
I really don't know what I'm expecting from this thread. Just a rant I guess? Thanks for reading this. I'm sorry for being a pain and posting this. I know people here are going through stuff way worse and I am not trying to call for attention, I just wanted to vent.
Tort


PM me if you ever wanna talk. Send a message my way.
And remember, you matter. You're awesome. You're beautiful. Stay strong, the world will get better.

May The Force be With You.
   
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Kate* Offline
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Re: Feeling worthless - February 4th 2017, 02:02 AM

Hey there I'm sorry you're feeling so bad Nobody thinks you're a pain or attention-seeking and just because people are going through things doesn't mean your stuff is any less valid. Seeing a therapist is the right thing, good for you, it took me forever. I also know what it's like to have your family believe your disability isn't real and after everything mine cost me, that was the last thing I needed. Your therapist won't think you're a pain, this is exactly what they're there for. Good luck.


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Re: Feeling worthless - February 4th 2017, 08:24 AM

Thank you for writing.

Sorry your family doesn't understand.

You have real feelings. Women like that in a man.

ADHD is real, though it's sometimes over diagnosed when the problem is actually something else the person is unfamiliar with.

Ask your therapist if you're being a pain; it will get the conversation going.

You're a geek (like me)? Maybe there are some groups you can join. Check meetup.com Also volunteermatch.com Shop around for churches. Not Christian or religious? Try a Buddhist church, or Center For Spiritual Living, or Unitarian. Try a beginner yoga class. Or meditation group. (I like those; I get to be with people and I don't have to talk.)

Study "Body Language". There are books, and apps.

Study books on Small Talk.

Join an exercise class.

And know that it gets a lot better. People become a lot friendlier after high school.

I see from your Ziggy you are a good listener! Women find that attractive too.
   
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Re: Feeling worthless - February 4th 2017, 10:33 PM

Hi, Tort!

Thank you for reaching out. I'm so glad you did but I'm sorry you're going through this.

First off, there's absolutely no need to apologize because you're not being a pain one bit. I'm very confident that you aren't trying to call for attention; I can tell you're just hurting a lot. All of us have our own struggles, but it doesn't make yours any less valid, okay? You can post anytime you need to. You deserve support and for others to listen.

When you feel worthless and lost, it is common to find yourself clinging to someone. When you're scared, you go to people who are familiar and whom you can hold on to. We run to what we know and need. Have you spoken to any of the friends about how you've been feeling? Having support from friends may help. You shouldn't have to be alone.

There's this Dr. Seuss quote I like: "We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." Weirdness just means you're unique and original. You'll find someone to share that with, and someone who loves that about you. The wait will be 100% worth it once you find that special person. You're sweet and kind, so I don't see why you wouldn't. You seem to be a good listener too.

Why is it that you feel like you mess everything up and contribute nothing? You're not a horrible person by any means. Nor do I get any kind of vibe that you are always complaining and whining. You help a lot of people. You're kind, caring and a good friend to many. You're nowhere near being a waste or space and time, nor would others be better off with you. I feel like you've made a difference here.

It sounds like your ADHD and anxiety affects you a lot in negative ways. Are you aware of what triggers your anxiety, and do you have any calming techniques for when anxiety is affecting you? I'm sorry your family is skeptical of your struggles. Would it help to print out articles about ADHD to help them understand it's real, and it really does/can affect people? That's great that you're meeting a therapist. Is it the first time you'll be seeing this particular therapist, or the first time in general? I'm hoping it helps you and I think it's courageous of you to reach out. I just wanted to reassure you that you're not being a pain. Therapists are there to help you so don't worry, okay?

Turning to smoking and alcohol may seem like an easier solution to help you escape from what you're feeling, but it most certainly will not help you in the long run. It'll just become another issue and addiction as well as affect many parts of your life. I understand you must be struggling a lot to even give it consideration. I encourage you to turn to other ways of coping such as hobbies and creative outlets such as art and creative writing.

Just because your friends are better at you than other things doesn't mean you aren't good at anything, it just means you have yet to find your thing. For example, you say you can't play guitar too well, but that takes a lot of practice. Most people play for many years and still cannot play certain songs. It's something you have to keep at and be patient with yourself. I'm sure you play wonderfully. If you're not "feeling" it you could try other instruments as well. I'm sure you can run quite fast. I've seen you speak about it as it's a hobby. And I know it is about building up endurance. I imagine you can increase your speed.

As for your grades, it's okay to ask for help from a teacher and friends. You're going through a lot it seems, so it's understandable that it'd affect your grades. Just remember no one is perfect. Even those who seem perfect have their own struggles and things that bug them too. It's okay to not be okay, and it's okay to not be perfect at everything.

You're always welcome to reach out here anytime you need. Don't hesitate, okay? You're never a bother. Take care and stay strong. Let us know how you're doing!
   
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