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Stormy Rainbow Offline
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Empty, numb, and Dead inside - February 26th 2017, 09:50 PM

I have been good and happy lately and all of a sudden this weekend I feel numb and empty plus dead inside. Nothing seems like a good idea for me to do. I just feel like shit. I just cut but they are shallow and stupid. I need to do them deeper but I already did a lot. I just need to feel something. I have a psychology test tomorrow and I keep getting shit wrong on my flash cards that just makes me feel even worse. I don't think I want to die. I just want to be able to feel something and not just be dead inside.

This makes me so mad because I have been doing so well lately and now it feels like it's all going to shit. I absolutely refuse to go to the ER if I feel suicidal. I am determined to finish this semester and finish with all b's.

I might tell Britney at school tomorrow but I'm not sure yet. Because she might refer me to Stephanie a councilor at college and then she might call the crisis team and then shit will happen and I do not want that. I am going to avoid everything.

I have an appointment on Thursday to finally get my assessment of my mental health results back. And hopefully that will give everyone a better idea on how to treat me, with pills, therapy, school and life.

But I just feel dead, numb and empty inside.

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Re: Empty, numb, and Dead inside - February 27th 2017, 12:56 AM

So sorry you are feeling down.

I'm still on the rollercoaster of life. Up and down, up a and down.

When I'm down I recall I wasn't down a few days ago. When I'm up I make a note to remember this moment next time I am down.

I have one particular friend who knows what to do when I'm down. She does nothing. She will listen to me, I can say I feel suicidal, she knows me well enough to know all she has to do is be there, and do nothing.

I've learned other people may not know what to do. I have to coach them and instruct them what to do. Don't do anything, just listen to me for a while, or just let me be with you because I feel better when someone else is around. That's all I need at this time. Once they know how to respond, because I tell them, then it goes better. They know I'll tell them if I need something more.

(I've also learned it's hard to get into the PHF or hospital psych ward, even if I wanted to, because it's already full.)

(And I think the best people to assess me are peers who've had their own problems. Though my friend I lean on a lot has never had a mental problem. She understands me.)

(It does make me feel better knowing I can go to the hospital if it gets bad beyond the point I can't take it anymore.)

Thank you for sharing. Maybe if others don't know how to respond you can tell them what response you need right now is, and that you'll tell them if it gets worse and you would like more intervention.

I once talked to a psych triage nurse at the hospital and said yes I was feeling really bad right now but I don't need to go in yet and she let me go on the promise that I call her at the end of the day before her shift ended and let her know I was still OK (well, relatively OK. I was bad, but I could still tolerate it. They basically have to take my word for it since there's no lab test for mental illness.)
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Re: Empty, numb, and Dead inside - February 27th 2017, 01:27 AM

Hi Frankie,

I'm sorry to hear things are getting bad for you again. You've been doing so well, don't let this sudden sadness take control of you. You've gone through feelings like this before, I believe, and you've made it out of the other side.

I felt this way a few days ago, and I am still here, so I believe it is possible.

What I used to do for school when I struggled with my flash cards is I put aside the ones I had trouble with and I kept going over them until I knew the answers to them. I found this helped me a lot, I hope it might help you!

First of all, I love your friends name

But in all seriousness, I think that you should tell her about how you're feeling. You need some support from a friend who lives closer to you. That way they can help you out more then we can.

Definitely keep us updated after your appointment. That way we might be able to offer some advice as well.

Maybe you can try doing something to keep your mind moving? I try and read books or listen to music to help me, maybe you could try that?

Feel better soon! Stay strong,

“You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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Stormy Rainbow Offline
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Re: Empty, numb, and Dead inside - February 27th 2017, 03:03 AM

Originally Posted by .Brittany. View Post

First of all, I love your friends name

She works at the college I consider her a friend but I don't think she considers me a friend as I am a student idrk. I might tell her, i'm still not sure. I tried texting my non-blood sister and I asked if I could call her but she has a friend over, so now I just feel even worse, because it seems like she might be avoiding me, but I know she would never do that. I just have been trying to get a hold of her for weeks, and the day she called me back she had woken me up so we didn't get to talk. I just ugh. I feel like I need someone who knows me to talk to but the two that know me the best are dapples who has a friend over, and the other is sunflower ( by the way these are camp names, I just know them as those names)is at a treatment center right now so she is busy but we email and she told me I could call the center if I really needed her but I just don't want to maybe trigger her. I just don't know what to do.

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