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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Wet pillows . - March 11th 2017, 04:27 AM

I spend my time crying in bed all the time.

Everyone's telling me not to give up, but its very tough.

I don't know what to do and right now... I can't probably describe what happiness means anymore.. because I have lost it all.

... help. I have tried counseling, and everything... but I need someone to share my life with.

I need that best friend back again..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by .Brittany.; March 11th 2017 at 11:51 PM. Reason: Removing Trigger Prefix
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 11th 2017, 04:49 PM

Hey there!

I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling and what you're going through, I know you have been struggling with this for a long while. I can empathize with what you're feeling and I'm glad to see you are reaching out rather than keeping it inside. It's important that you don't bottle up what you're going through, and that includes allowing yourself to cry when you need to as it's a way to release those emotions. Understandably you're struggling a lot so it is important to allow yourself to feel and process it properly to get to a happier point in your life. Happiness can be found again, but happiness is a journey; it finds you.

Have you spoken to your friend again? Talking to her and approaching the idea of giving the friendship a second try might lead to a positive outcome, although I encourage you to build up other sources of support and independence in case it doesn't work out. If talking to her leads to a positive outcome then that's wonderful, but if it doesn't then you will at least have closure in knowing you gave it a try and will be able to take steps in officially moving on from there.

You mentioned you have tried counseling? I'm wondering if it'd be possible to seek professional help from a different counselor or therapist? When a person first reaches out for professional help it can require trial and error until they find someone whom is helpful for the issues they are dealing with, and also whom they are compatible with. Opening up to people in your personal life such as friends and family can help a lot as well. It may be good for you if you were to do volunteer work or spend time in places such as cafes or similar places where you're able to potentially socialize with others but be able to relax at the same time. When we're struggling we tend to find ourselves staying at home in our room which feels comforting at the time but can cause us to fall deeper into our depression.

We all want and need someone in our lives whom we can share the good days with, and count on during the difficult times; that isn't selfish nor is it too much to ask for/want. And it is even more devastating when you had that person but it didn't work out. Losing them can feel like a chunk of who you are has been taken away, but that just means you loved them deeply and that's a beautiful thing. The thing is, now is an opportunity to establish a solid foundation in your personal life in which you can count on yourself too because it's important to have a source(s) of happiness in which you can always rely on. Such as passions, goals and hobbies.

No matter what happens with your best friend, remember that this isn't the end of your story, just a new page. You have many things to do, places to see and new people to meet. Right now the thought of continuing on without her may seem impossible and excruciating but it is possible. When we feel at our worse and like there's nothing to do but to give up is when we discover we are stronger than we realized by having the ability to hold on despite what is happening. I know this friend meant the world to you so I understand 100% that it isn't easy to move on, and it will take a lot of time until you feel okay; none of can say when, and it's hard to know when but everything will be okay. You will have happier chapters in your life and special people to come into your life, and times worth holding on for.

Most importantly, you don't have to go through this alone. I realize what you're going through may feel endless and impossible, but it isn't and you have support and other friends who care about you. I remember you used to post numerous replies to threads in this forum letting people know everything would be okay and that they aren't alone, now it's time for us to reassure you that you aren't alone either, okay? You're much stronger than you know, and worth more than you feel you do at this time. So hold on and take it one day at a time.

We are speaking via PM often but please know you are welcome to continue doing so. I never mind listening and helping if I can.
   
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 11th 2017, 07:14 PM

... I have tried to write on more pages, but I lack books I don't even have the willpower to write a new page now..

Sigh. Things are extremely tough and I don't know if I can do this. Its bad to the point where I can't even function or smile.. I can't even work, and my parents have sorta stopped scolding me because when they did they sorta noticed that I skip lunch and dinner for maybe two days at a time..

I have already tried, but Its extremely tough.

You are helping. But this battle is very, very tough.. But I'll also let you know that your support is one of the things that still keeps me.... going.

If I ever do find happiness again, I'll go back to helping people out and making sure that they won't ever go through what I'm going through right now. It feels..... horrible.

And i was restricted from people, and my mother was the kind of person who said things like " You were better off dead " to me. So I needed friends to be my secret haven, but I lost the person who was always standing beside me.

I am at a loss, and I don't even know how to smile properly anymore. People have told me that I'm unusually calm, but thats because I don't even feel any emotions any more.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; March 11th 2017 at 07:56 PM.
   
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 12th 2017, 01:37 AM

Have you seen a doctor about this? All the symptoms sound like a classic clinical depression problem. I've been there myself, and I've seen others there too.

The key to understanding what's going on is depression is a condition of the body, which affects the mind, but the problem is in the body.

The signals are having a hard time getting anywhere in the brain. It feels like it takes an immense amount of effort to get a signal from one place to another. Thoughts don't flow effortlessly like they should. It's hard to feel anything, hard to do anything, just getting out of bed can be a monumental effort.

The problem can be the synapse between neurons in the brain doesn't have the right balance of neurotransmitter chemicals, and so signals have a difficult time making it across the synaptic gap.

(It's like someone filled a car gas tank with oatmeal, and gosh darn it the engine doesn't run very well on oatmeal! We need to replace the oatmeal with proper fuel, then the engine will run correctly again.)

The good news is it's treatable with medication. The right medication can slowly restore the proper balance of chemicals in the brain so signals can flow properly again.

Parents need to be educated about this stuff too, since the typical "scolding you" approach is totally useless in this situation (like yelling at the car when it's gas tank is full of oatmeal. Yelling at it isn't going to help. Gotta bring the car in to the mechanic and get that oatmeal replace with proper fuel. Then the car will run again.)

Here's a story which explains it further:
http://www.wingofmadness.com/depress...cal-illness-19

http://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Menta...ons/Depression

Anyway, there is real hope that this can all be fixed and you'll be fine again. It just takes a long time (which totally sucks!).

Best wishes. Keep in touch!
   
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 12th 2017, 06:53 AM

Its worse than those feelings... I kinda feel like happiness is a stones thrown too far away, and I don't have much..

I don't know if things can even get better.

I'm fighting with all I have. The problem is that " all I have" isn't much anymore..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 12th 2017, 10:53 AM


Your words made me felt very sad and depressed. I cannot imagine how kind of emotional state you are in right now. I am really sorry that I honestly donít know what to say to help, and I hesitated to reply here despite seeing your post yesterdayÖ because I really donít know how to help. And I am scared I will make you feel worse. But I am going to write here now, to let you know that I want to help you sincerely. I just want you to feel better but I donít know howÖ I am so sorry!!!

>> I spend my time crying in bed all the time. Everyone's telling me not to give up, but its very tough. I don't know what to do and right now... I can't probably describe what happiness means anymore.. because I have lost it all.

- Please donít feel so bad! We can and want to help you! I felt so sad to imagine what you are going throughÖ

Sorry for what I say above, I am selfish. You had the right to feel as bad as you want, and we all understand it. You can always cry on your bed, and it doesnít mean you are weak. You are human. You need support. But now you lost it from your friend, so why canít you cry? You lost a huge part of your world without your friend, so why canít you feel afraid and cry? You can! And you know by letting it out this way shows that you are still fighting. You are not bottling up your emotions and letting it out. You still havenít give up hope yet.

Itís horribly tough. I know what you felt. I know you think that you will never be happy anymore. I know that you wish you could end this all. I know you felt like nothing is going to be changed. I know you felt like you are in a dark place and no one else will ever come and find you and help you, because your friend is not with you anymore. I know you felt like your world is tearing apart. You are not alone. We know how these feels like. We know that its possible to change and to be happy again, and it can be over. We know that there are people suffering like you and we want to bring you out of it of the dark place. We know how broken your world is and we would do anything we able to help to repair it for you. Why? Because no one deserve to feel this bad as you are right now. We really feel sympatic for you and will try our best to let you get over this hurdle.

>> If I ever do find happiness again, I'll go back to helping people out and making sure that they won't ever go through what I'm going through right now. It feels..... horrible.

- This is the part that touched me so much. I was exactly the same this way for all these while until 4 days ago. I donít know you. But I am absolutely certain that you have a heart of gold. You are so strong and kind, that despite all the sufferings you had, you give out love and hope to others. You know if the world is filled people like you, it would be so wonderful. You are right! You actually found true happiness that you can have in your life! That is to help others like you, and to not let them suffer the same way as you do. Nothing is better than this for you right now. You think that by helping others is the only way to find happiness. You think that no one will able to understand your sadness behind it.

But I want to tell you that your kindness will pay off one day. People will see through your sadness and realize you have a heart of gold. No one will want to see such a precious human being to suffer so much in life. You donít deserve it. Now, let us play our part in the community and help you back! You had given so much hope and help to others, and you deserve the same from others too. I am truly sorry that you lost your friend and you lost a huge part of your world. I know I am not an important person to you, but I just want you to realize that I, and so many others here, really want to fill up the missing part of your world. Open up and let us help you. We really want to help you feeling better!!!

Donít let your sadness engulf your precious golden heart. You know when I read this I knew you are an amazing person. The world is filled with amazing people. You will never know one day you will have one such person and will brighten up your world again. I know you felt like your world is completely dark and you cant see anything bright in your future. Itís okay. Donít blame yourself for this. We can help you to get out from your sadness. Donít let your sadness to interfere your true self anymore. You are such a kind and loving person, and you have your own dreams and ambitions too! You donít have to hide your sad feelings to others, because anyone, even if they donít know you, would really want to help you and not let you suffer. I truly hope that one day in near future, you can be a genuinely happy person again, because a person with kind heart deserves happiness.

>> I'm fighting with all I have. The problem is that "all I have" isn't much anymore..

Keep fighting! I know you really felt hopeless with your life. But I want to let you know that if you ever think that ďall you haveĒ is going to finish soon, please, know that we would be more than willing to fill it up for you. I wish so much I could write something above that can fill up your heart with hope again. I am so sorry because I am not able to help you much, but you know if only I can be there for you in real life, I will really really want to not see you feeling this bad. I wish I can appear in front of you and give you hugs of support, and to be there letting you rant and cry out everything in your heart, but I canít, and I am really sorry. I really wish I can do something to make you feel better. So here is it!



I am sorry. I must be really stupid to post this while couldnt help much. But I just wish I could help you even a bit. If you ever need someone to listen and rant, please PM me. I am sorry I cant help you be the happy person you used to be, but I hope you can get better help from others because you deserve it! I have faith in you.

May I be your friend and help you?
Ivan


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 12th 2017, 12:38 PM

Thanks. You can be my friend. But truth is that I might be too broken to save. I am sick of life in all respects.

I don't know what to do any more. I'm hurt, and .... I'm sick of it all. I'm sick and I'm absolutely broken.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 12th 2017, 02:18 PM

Do it slowly Darren. You can be very broken, but with time and all the help you get here, you can heal. Trust me on that!

And remember that I am just one message box away. Really I hope you can feel that I am there for you even if I can't be around with you. Friends not necessirily always has to be there in person!


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
  Send a message via Skype™ to Thinking 
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 13th 2017, 01:36 AM

Thanks...

But i think it can be better if they are there in person.

I have helped out some people.. but right now.. I'm helpless. I can't do anything..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Thinking Offline
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 13th 2017, 07:10 AM

Yes, I know what you mean. Of course if you can get help in person that would be so much better. That way you could rant everything in the real world. I am so sorry what you are going through. I know, you would be so much better if you get your friend's support, but you can't anymore.

But I want you to know that you can be better without getting help in person. You can heal, if not will we try harder to heal you, until you are happy again. Its harder and slower to heal with online support, but it definitely help, even a bit. And because it helps, no matter how little, you should try everything you can! Don't give up right now!


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
  Send a message via Skype™ to Thinking 
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Re: Wet pillows . - March 13th 2017, 07:56 AM

I dont know if I can. Since I lost that friend.. I lost a huge part of what made life better for me... and I think that hole is too big to cover.

Truth be told.. my parents already know what I'm up to.. and they dont even scold me anymore. They know that I have tried my best .

I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if there's a future for me and I don't know if theres happiness ahead. I'm kinda tired and sick of trying...


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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