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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Thinking Offline
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I am stupid - May 28th 2017, 09:50 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I should have died few hours ago but I cannot die.

It is laughing at me hahahahaha. I am stupid.

I don't deserve to die because I should continue to suffer. I don't deserve to live because I am stupid and I am a burden. I cannot contribute any benefit to others.

I hate myself so I tell myself not to die and I love the punishment.

Its either in living hell or in hell so it doesn't matter.

It is telling me that I am stupid and I don't deserve help. I don't get better from the help so I should die because I am wasting resources.

I don't need to feel happy to be alive. I don't need to feel sad to die. I must not feel anything so that I don't need help.

I am stupid. If I am suffering then I should brainwash myself that its not suffering. Then it will be fine. Then I will be fine.

Its just that I hate myself. So I don't let myself die.

It is me hahahahahaha, and nothing is not my fault.

I am stupid, I don't want help but I am writing here. And I shouldnt post here but i am stupid and I spent so many days doing nothing and thinking whether I should die or write here or be quiet.

It is really noisy and I don't know what to do.



Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.

Last edited by Thinking; May 29th 2017 at 03:03 PM.
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Re: I am stupid - May 28th 2017, 05:51 PM

Beautiful! Amazing. I hope everything is okay with you. x
   
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Re: I am stupid - May 29th 2017, 02:49 PM

I'm here for you.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: I am stupid - May 30th 2017, 06:54 AM

Hey love.

I'm glad you are reaching out for help.


You are certainly not stupid at all in anyway. And you shouldn't have died and I am glad you didn't. I know when we feel low our thoughts, behaviours and beliefs and even our views on ourselves can change but you are still the lovely you who deserves life.

You are right. You DON'T deserve to die but not because you deserve to continue to struggle in this pain, but because you have a bright life ahead of you and your future can be so amazing and you deserve to be around to see that. You are not a burden to anyone, certainly not to us here. If you feel unable to help others right now, that is okay. Sometimes when we feel this way we go one way or the other. Helping others can be too hard but others find it helpful to help others while they are struggling. You need to do what is best for you.

You deserve no punishment. Hell is a dark word for someone so lovely and kind and thoughtful. You wouldn't go to hell at all, or that is what I believe. And even though what you are going through feels like hell now, it gets better but with hard work, time, help, support and dedication to get through this.

Maybe the fact that you are writing into us is because unconsciously you want help. I mean, I know what it feels like to hit rock bottom and no one wants to go through that alone. It can be such a hard and dark place and you deserve so much more.

This isn't going to last forever and you need to keep reminding yourself of that. Life is never all good, there are going to be bad times and days but you can get through them and its about realising and learning what you do have to fight for.

Remember you're not alone.
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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