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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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brightside Offline
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methods of coping?? - June 11th 2017, 03:56 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

sorry this is so long and dramatic.

though i'm not positively sure what triggered it, i started getting really depressed back in january. once every month or so for 1-2 weeks, it gets even worse where there's literally a constant feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. i've started going to therapy since then; i take 100mg of Zoloft, go to therapy once a week, and have been diagnosed with OCD, Depression, and Anxiety. the depression and anxiety are new diagnoses, while the OCD was diagnosed four years ago. the zoloft has helped a bit, and i look forward to therapy. my family also says i seem to be feeling better, but i still feel like absolute crap sometimes. when it's bad, like now, i have little to no energy and avoid talking to everyone, including my friends except for two of them. the feeling of death is always around. it's like there's,, just,,, this big mass of darkness in me. it's blocking all the entryways so no motivation or emotion can really get through. the OCD has also returned after 3 years or so of little to no activity, the obsessions now centering around abandonment and connecting with the depression. i feel constantly dead and less than and weak. when i try to be self aware or think about myself i feel like i don't belong in this body or a tangible being in general. it's like my skin is clothes that are too tight or itchy. i feel like there's too much that i've done for me to be a good person. if i didn't think i'd go to hell when i die, i'd have killed myself already. i don't care that much about how selfish it is, and calling me selfish for being suicidal only makes me want to do it more. i have a crippling fear of dying alone; the only death i could have that doesn't make me feel weak is killing myself. the things i usually say to myself to comfort are useless. i feel like a prisoner on death row. i am extremely empathetic and want to help people, but have little to no sympathy. i can feel and understand other people's emotions, and will enjoy comforting them, but if they go on too long i get uncomfortable and go quiet.

i've tried a majority of the standard coping methods. i feel uncomfortable and disgusting speaking to friends about it or writing in a journal. i used to love music for comfort, but even that has worn down lately. though it occasionally helps, i have little to no motivation to draw. i like to go outside, but it's also tolling and my mother doesn't usually let me outside. animals help, but i rarely get to be around them. anything i want to join or try is usually either too expensive, something my family is unwilling to take eme to, or something i don't have the energy for. it's summer now, and i'm going to be stuck with these thoughts in solitude for two months. i don't have the energy to go out with friends most times. i'm on vacation at the beach now, which is nice, but in a week i'll be back and fucking miserable as always. any positivity or encouragement i get makes me laugh hollowly. it's typically patronizing and ingenuine, and even meaningful words don't reach me. this shit has gone past verbal comfort- even my own twisted persuasion i'm able to give. i'm willing to try about anything that i can muster these days, so give me whatever you've got.


"i just want to die anywhere else."
feel free to message me, always looking for new pals.
   
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Re: methods of coping?? - June 11th 2017, 11:00 PM

Try to scribble. Sounds dumb huh? Well it really helps. Press as hard as you can and scribble like your life depends on it. This will help get out some emotions and can help wear out your energy that could be put into SH or Suicide. Also, PM me!! I understand, I've dealt with this for years. Please just PM me when you need to cope. Thanks for posting this!
   
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brightside Offline
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Re: methods of coping?? - June 11th 2017, 11:40 PM

aaaa thank you so much- i'll be sure to pm you aaa


"i just want to die anywhere else."
feel free to message me, always looking for new pals.
   
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