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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Sky_Tiny one Offline
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Question Numb - June 14th 2017, 11:51 PM

Do you ever just feel sad. Nothing to bad happens. Maybe your family does something to annoy you but nothing major. And you just find ur self wanting to cry, with out really knowing why. Ive been depressed for a while and its seems better than it was when i first became depressed. My thoughts where alot more suicidal. But it only happened when i was alone. Now its pretty much a constant tapping in the back round. I hear it but dont know where its coming from so i cant do anything to stop it. My actions have become worse. I get sad then stressed then want to do something to stop my stress. Such as cutting. Or causeing my self some sort of other pain. But i dont ever talk about it. I "handle it" my self. I push everything down and try to pretend like its not there. But it just keeps tapping away.

And one of the reasons i dont like talking about it is because i dont like complaining about how i feel. Or my life when u know people out there have a life that is only a night mear to me. But they have to go through it. I dont know how to feel about how feel so i just except the fact that im depressed and thats the end of it. I dont really know how to fix it and no one else can so i let it be. I was ok at the begining of the year. My boyfriend helped alot. But now even he can't help. I used to feel beautiful with him. Now everytime he touches me i think about how i don't like what he is touching..
So i dont really know if that means im getting worse but i know that something is changing. Im numb now.
   
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Re: Numb - June 15th 2017, 12:09 PM

Hey there. I understand how it feels when you know nothing is completely horrible in your life and you have stuff to be happy and grateful about, but you're still sad. And it can cause you to be frustrated with the situation and yourself which can turn to blaming and resentment. Probably because it's the chemicals in our brains acting up, it could be genetic, making you feel low.

Try to separate yourself from your feelings. You are not your feelings. Feeling like a loser and being a loser are two different things, even if the feelings really hurt. No matter how real they feel, it's not reality. And I don't think being a winner is about being perfect or being at the top of your game; a winner to me is someone who gains the courage to accept and be themselves even though they don't feel like a winner. It's someone who finds what makes them special and embraces themselves, competing with only their personal best and getting better everyday.

This might be a reach, because I've never self-harmed cause I'm afraid of sharp objects, pain and bodily mutation, but if you use cutting and other methods to cause pain, could you maybe go through pain in a constructive way, like exercise?

Ranting is good. As long as we don't sit here having a pity party, talking about problems and getting all those complaints out is a great outlet for release your emotions and alleviating pain. Accepting you are depressed is a good step. But it's definitely not the end of it! I think we can find solutions and get better -- we may not fix it all in a month or a year but we will definitely get stronger. This is coming from someone who would rather just throw in the towel and give up on everything.

Maybe keep a journal so you can release all your thoughts and get some rest/a break from them. Meditation is one of most amazing thing that's happened to me in life, and it's made me so much better. I'll end with a few questions: Do you have low self-esteem? Do you know what would make you happy or happier? Why don't you like what he's touching?

One last tip: when you feel your lowest, when you have suicidal thoughts and just want to end it already, maybe cry it off, talk to someone. Then, take that opportunity to realize, hey, if I feel numb and could just end everything tomorrow, doesn't that mean you have nothing to lose? I mean, you were going to end it anyway, right? So why not just take the chance to let go of those negative emotions, thoughts and feelings when it feels like it doesn't matter and do whatever we want? All we can go from here is up!

I hope this was helpful and I hope it gets better.
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Re: Numb - June 18th 2017, 06:22 PM

Well to answer your concluding questions, yes i have low self esteem, but im a teen girl. Thats not to shocking. And I dont really know what would make me happy. I feel happy when i hang out with people. When im with someone who im close with. But i dont really get out of the house. And i dont like what he is touching because there is alot of things about me i dont like. My body is the main problem. And thats what he touches.

Thank you by the way, for the advice and for trying to help.

And im doing other things besides self harm but its not to healthy either. But its wont last as long.

I hope it gets better too, and again thank you for reaching out.
   
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Re: Numb - June 19th 2017, 09:17 AM

Hi Skylar,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling so much at the moment. It can be hard to seek out help if you feel like reaching out is a form of complaining, but when I read your post, I don't read someones complaints. I read something from a person who is very sensible in how they speak. It doesn't sound like a complaint, it sounds like someone who just needs a bit of support, and from time to time, I really believe we all need some support. I just want you to know that if you choose to talk to someone about it, you should never worry that it's a complaint. It's how you feel. It's more than a complaint because it's affecting your health and well being, and dealing with something like that alone can be really tough. Regardless of if you think other people have it worse, you are deserving of support yourself. There will always be someone in the world worse off than you. Nobody has it the worst of all, and nobody has it the best of all, which means that nobody is more deserving than anyone else of support when things get tough. Try to remind yourself of that. You're worth peoples time. It doesn't matter how bad things are at the moment, there isn't a stage you need to reach before you can ask for support. Really, the earlier you get support the better it is, because it could prevent you from getting worse.

I know you have said above that you like being around other people but you don't leave the house very much. Why is it that you don't get out? It may be worth popping out whenever you feel like the thoughts are too much. It doesn't have to be with someone, but if you go for a walk where other people are, whether you're with them or not, it may help to clear your head of all the negative thoughts for a while. You could go to the park or go to a shopping centre or something and get a coffee. Go somewhere where there is noise and where you can people watch. People watching is one thing I find really relaxing because sometimes you will hear people speaking about such wonderful things, or you'll hear someone compliment another person or see them help someone in need. Those things really touch me, and I often go home feeling better about the world because of that. It can be really helpful.

You can try doing this when you feel like hurting yourself too. Even if you have other thing to do to cope that are not as long lasting, if they are unhealthy, you should try to avoid them as best you can. Essentially, anything that puts you in harms way should never be the go to coping mechanism. Try to find something healthier that works, for example, by leaving the house for a walk. Otherwise, you could try some other alternatives. For example, I have known some people to put PVA glue on their hands and then peel it off once dry. Other people will draw on their skin where they would usually want to self harm as this can be washed off and doesn't actually leave any damage. You can have a look here for more suggestions and it's split up nicely into sections depending on what works best for you. It really is best to use something here, or something else you can think of, rather than to use unhealthy coping mechanisms. SH and the like become a sort of addiction, and while you may be able to get on with things at the moment, the more you let them be your go to distraction from lifes problems, the worse it is likely to get.

It may be worth speaking to your boyfriend about how you feel too. It is obvious that he means a lot to you and has helped you in many ways in the past, so talking to him might really help and I'm sure he wont see it as complaining either. You could explain to him why you have come to dislike him touching you, and perhaps having this out in the open will help him to help you. Remember that we all have parts of ourselves we don't like, but other people might entirely disagree with that opinion, which is fine! The things you don't like, he may love, so let him help you to accept them too. No matter how you feel about yourself, you have the right to feel beautiful because that's what you are.

I hope this has helped a bit. Stay strong, ok? Things are tough but you can and will get through this.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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