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Chaotic_ Offline
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Name: Cass
Age: 27
Gender: Female

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It only gets worse . - August 15th 2017, 07:50 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't understand this.
All of this keeps getting worse.
I don't think I have ever literally been this depressed in my life.
I am literally waking up, showering, taking my dogs out and then sleeping or just doing nothing with my day.
I work from home, which is great but nothing is getting done because I have zero motivation to do it.
I'm currently avoiding it by being online.

I took a pack of razors from my fiance's side of the medicine cabinet. I don't even know if I plan to do anything with them I just wanted them on me. Like this is absolutely ridiculous.

I'm just a whole bunch of I don't know.
I feel anger, sadness and just numb.
I don't make choices for myself, I make them because I know if I don't my fiance will get pissed.
I'm forcing myself to go get my tooth pulled (which I think is going to kill me) because if I don't my fiance will be mad.
I'm not cutting because if I do my fiance will be mad.
I talk to my friends because if I don't they'll be upset with me.
I don't do anything because I care about myself. I don't want to go to the dentist because then I'll hopefully stop getting tooth infections, I don't not cut because I actually care about myself, I don't keep in contact because it makes me happy.

Nothing makes me happy.
I don't see the point in anything anymore. I told my counselor that. I told him I was having suicidal ideation's but I quickly threw in there that I wasn't planning on doing anything and of course I did that at the end of our session so he didn't have time to press me for questions. But I doubt he cares anyways. I doubt anyone actually cares.

There's a cool recovery group at this new church I started going too. I e-mailed and asked who ran it and what to expect. Nobody ever e-mailed me back, so I guess that's out of the question. I'm just concerned because I found out that my counselor also attends this church and if he runs the group I would have to stay away from it. But I don't want to bring it up with him because I'm fairly sure he didn't see me last Sunday, because I sat in the back and bolted as soon as the service was over.

I just don't know what to do.
I know that was a long ramble and it probably doesn't make sense.
But nothing in my life makes sense right now.
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Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
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Gender: Male
Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

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Join Date: January 13th 2011

Re: It only gets worse . - August 16th 2017, 07:29 PM

I'm feeling the exact same way.. except the fiance thing..

I want you to know that I'm here because I don't want you to feel the way I feel.. ( Its a little late by now surely.. )

But I'm here. I want you to be happy...

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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