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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Unhappy Suicidal over the stupidest thing... - September 7th 2017, 12:20 PM

I'm 16 years old and I have extremely bad social anxiety. I mean, I get panic attacks over public speaking. I know that's not really an excuse for what I did but I think it's important to note. I'm in my last year of high school, this is my third last English assessment too. I had an English oral assessment to do like a month ago. And I kept putting it off like I'd make up excuses so that I didn't have to do it. Eventually, my mom got really mad at me and kept asking when I was going to do it. So I ended up just lying and saying I did it so that she'd leave me alone. I don't know why I did it. It just came out so easily and it seemed better than actually doing the oral in the first place at the time. It was just too hard. I'm still so scared to do it because I feel like my speech is just terrible and I don't want to read it out. I seriously feel suicidal over this. Not just the speech but the lie I've got to keep up too. And my grades...I've got to be failing English now. I was on a C- beforehand and I mean, I wrote out my oral, submitted the written copy but I'm pretty sure I have to speak it to pass. I hope I can at least get a D on it as opposed to a F. I don't know if I should try and ask the teacher if I can speak it or if I should just let it go. There's a week left in the term, until vacation so I don't know if it's better to just call it quits for now and try harder on the next assessment. I just don't know. This is really eating away at me right now. I wish it'd just never happened at all. I'm not going to pass English and I'm not going to have a future at all, I feel like I should just die and save myself a pointless life...but I'm still just so scared to speak this stupid thing...
   
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Re: Suicidal over the stupidest thing... - September 7th 2017, 09:12 PM

Hey there!

I'm sorry that you've ended up in such a complicated situation. I feel exactly the same way about public speaking, so I can relate to how miserable you are right now.

Have you thought about speaking to your teacher about this? Some teachers are obviously very strict about assignments and won't allow any accommodations or anything, but your teacher might surprise you and let you do the assignment a little differently. One time I had a teacher who let me make a video (using an app; I wasn't actually in the video) about my science fair project and show that to the class instead of having to talk about it. I've had friends who were able to convince their teachers to let them present just to the teacher, instead of to the whole class. Anyway - it may really be worth it to go to your teacher and explain the situation, and then just see what they're able to do about it. I definitely recommend mentioning that you've been putting this off because of anxiety, and not because you've been slacking; but if they're understanding of the situation, you may still have time to present it in an unconventional way and still finish the assignment before the end of the term.

Okay, worst case scenario: Your teacher says that you have to present it to the class. If this happens, you could either just not do the assignment or just accept that you might present it badly. Everyone has given a terrible presentation at some point. There was a boy in my class senior year who had a panic attack in the middle of a presentation and had to leave the room, but he came back later and finished it, and it was awesome - not because the presentation was great (he was clearly very, very nervous), but because everyone could tell that he was terrified to do it and he did it anyway.

Other worst case scenario: You fail English. I know that this really sounds like the end of the world, but the reality is, students fail classes all the time. Maybe you'll have to go to summer school. Maybe you'll have to take the class again next year. But failing one class is not the end of the world, and it definitely isn't going to destroy your future. Even if it takes you longer to graduate, it won't stop you from graduating and even going to college. And once you've graduated from high school, none of this will matter anymore.

I hope this helps somewhat. I know that this feels like a really, really terrible situation to be stuck in, but try to remember that it IS temporary. No matter what happens, this probably isn't going to matter at all in five years. Just get through this tough part and you'll be okay.


"Chase your stars, fool. Life is short."

   
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Re: Suicidal over the stupidest thing... - September 15th 2017, 09:48 AM

True! Be happy!
   
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