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Garr Offline
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Am I doing it for attention? - October 11th 2017, 11:31 PM

Most of the time i am pretty sure that i have depression. I have had thoughts, and even started making plans, for suicide attempts but either i didn't have the right opportunity to do it or i ended up chickening out. I am too scared to tell my parents because i am scared that they think i'm making it up, just faking it for attention, because i think the same thing about myself.
One minute i'll lie in bed thinking that i just don't want to exist and my death wouldn't make even the slightest impact anyway, and then i'm telling myself "you're just doing this because you want people to pay attention to you. You are being too dramatic."
Sometimes i'll lie in bed exhausted although i haven't moved properly in ages, i don't want to get up, i don't want to talk, every little issue makes me want to cry and then that makes me want to not exist, and then suddenly i'll get really mad at myself because i'm exaggerating my feelings, i'm just pretending to be sad when in reality i could be happy if i just let myself be and stop playing this stupid charade.
it's so confusing because i really can't tell if i'm genuinely depressed, or if this is just some sort of sick desire to have people notice me.
And if i am able to convince myself that i have a problem and need help then i get the thought that im pathetic and weak, because i have literally nothing to be depressed about. My parents are amazing and supportive and would accept me no matter what. I'm not getting bullied, i have tons of friends, i'm doing amazingly well in school, i am so privileged. There are people out there who's situations are a million times worse than mine and they still manage to keep themselves motivated.
It's a vicious cycle because i'll be really sad which makes me mad at myself for pretending, which makes me sad and causes me to think that i should just die, which makes me angry again and so on and so forth.
I just want to stop constantly feeling either sad or like a complete idiot.
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Re: Am I doing it for attention? - October 12th 2017, 12:14 AM

Hello and welcome to teenhelp and we are so glad that you have joined the website. I am so sorry that you are going through a hard time right now. When you're going through a really hard time you can feel how you're feeling right now and other things as well. And you don't know what to do and you don't care about anything anymore and what's the point. The point is, you matter and you may not be able to see it right now because you're hurting so much and you're going through a lot, but if you can see a little bit of hope then you'll be able to change little by little how you are thinking. And I know that it is hard to just change how you are feeling. Do you like to write? Or can you try writing and you can write down everything that you are feeling no matter what it is. Every emotion everything that's hurt you and put it all down on paper. This way even though you're not talking to anybody you're getting some of this out of you, the hurt and the sadness. And you can do two things you can either rip the paper up into a whole bunch of pieces and throw it in the garbage or you can keep it and keep writing more and more until you start to feel better. You can do this as many times as you want to. Also can you put on a funny movie or TV show that will make you laugh and this can also help change the way that you're thinking at the time.
Would you be able to talk to you're school counselor and let them know what you're going through and see if they can help you in any way.
You are always welcome to post more post and make new threads when you need to and you can always ask for more always.
I hope that you will be ok soon.
Take care.
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Re: Am I doing it for attention? - October 12th 2017, 07:33 AM

Thank you for writing. I recognize those symptoms as classic [Edited]

Especially the part where you're depressed for no reason whatsoever. That's [edited] and not caused by something going on in the world around you.

Any good doctor should recognize it immediately and start treating it. Probably do some blood tests to check things like thyroid, and other things that could be off. And start trying different medications until you find the one that works for you.

People should pay attention to you! It's a good thing! You need attention because you have a medical problem. Sick people get the help they need.

I know because I've been there many times myself.

Your parents probably already know. Parents know their kids pretty well.

The hard part is believing a pill can fix all these problems. I know it sounds absurd, takes a bit of explaining.

It's likely the first or second or third medication you try won't do anything. Just keep trying different ones. You'll know when you find the right one.

In the mean time, keep hope that there is a way out. The symptoms you described are so classic of this medical depression disorder that's treatable with medication.

Another clue is talking about it doesn't help. Can't talk my way out of a medical disorder.

Talking with a counselor can help one get through the rough period while one is trying different medications looking for the right one. Anything that helps get one through the moment is a blessing.

Here's another story explaining it better:

Once you find the right medication that works for you, recovery still takes a long time. But things do slowly seem to get better. Life becomes more tolerable. After 2 weeks I can tolerate being alive again. But that's just the beginning. It just keeps getting better and better. Takes a full year for full recovery. But after a couple weeks life is at least OK again.

Best wishes. Thank you for writing. Keep coming back.

People need attention. It's a good thing. People also like giving attention to those who truly need it, and you truly need it.

Someday in the distant future you'll be well, and able to give hope and attention to other people who truly need it. It's a nurturing thing to do that makes us feel good.

Last edited by .:Bibliophile:.; November 3rd 2017 at 09:36 PM. Reason: Please do not diagnose people that goes against the TOS
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Re: Am I doing it for attention? - October 12th 2017, 02:39 PM

I can’t assure you that I’ll be particularly helpful, but I feel the same way. I criticize myself for my feelings and I’ve had others do the same. There is one thing I’ve come to realize: depression does not care if you wear diamonds or filthy rags. It can and will come for anyone.

Keep fighting
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