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update on me feeling depressed don't wanna be here anymore but some good news and some shit news! - February 2nd 2018, 09:56 PM

Hi everyone

I don't know if any of you remember but I had a great job at EE an english phone provider if your American or from another country I am basically referring to an English version of Movistar or T Mobile. I lost that job little over a year ago because of my anorexia was a bastard. I recently got offered a job at Three mobile same thing different company this time though it's closer to home and much better pay. I am going to have to work my as off though if I am going to do well in this role. I am leaving my current job which is horrible I am not sure if you have saw past posts but they discriminated against me and I almost took them to court I am so glad to be leaving.

I thought I would start this post on a positive note because I have a life changing oppourtunity here. I do feel like crying my eyes out though because I am feeling so depressed with just about everything no I don't have depression I just feel a little down. I have gained a bit of weight since recovering from my anorexia I don't feel like I can cope being like this so I can see all this weight coming off quite quickly but what is bothering me is that I am in hell I don't feel like I will ever be happy I have been emotionally scared my whole life.
I have even walked in and saw a family member having an affair when I was a child my whole life has been complete heartache. I have barely any friends I do have 2 one of them has been a massive cunt recently he left me in the street when he said he was going to take me to the train station this was in November. What happened was we went out for dinner and he left me in the street instead of driving me to the train station so I could get home because he was in a bad mood what an ass hole this was all the way back in November but our friendship has been touchy ever since can you blame me though? The other one is all right he has a girlfriend and he always gets bitchy if he can't get his own way. I have been out drinking with him almost every night in theist 4 weeks I have to travel and hour on the train to meet my friends because sadly I moved away and I stay with my nan and grandad normally on nights out then go home the next day. H e was moaning because I didn't want to go out tomorrow I can't be bothered I have been sick with my eating disorder throwing up all week I just want to stay at home with my cat and cuddle it. I feel like I need better friends sometimes.

One thing that I do want is a relationship and to pass my exams to learn how to drive I wanted a better job as well this year looks like I already have one of my big goals achieved. I just feel like shit about myself because I am such a failure my life has been complete heartache everything goes wrong for me I can't help but feel I would be better off dead sometimes because I am just such a walking failure. I have had my life took from me because off my anorexia I just don't feel like it's worth going anymore I am not really here to complain about anything in fact I just felt like I needed a little rant I know people have it worse then me of course they do I am not one for speaking about my problems I just needed a little rant. I am really nervous about this job and my learning disabilities but I really want to succeed and try my hardest.

Basically I am trying to rebuild my life after an eating disorder and it's just so much.
   
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Re: update on me feeling depressed don't wanna be here anymore but some good news and some shit news! - February 3rd 2018, 04:17 PM

Hey,

I am sorry things aren't going great right now. I know you've been dealing with a lot in your life but please keep hanging in there because things can get better. I know that no one can tell you when but I do believe it can get better. I think, a lot of the time, changes that lead to our lives being better come slowly AND a lot of the time it can take ages for us to recognize the changes. I know I dealt with this for a long time; it felt like my life was a pile of crap and things weren't ever going right. I started being able to recognize the changes in my life and I was able to realize that things had improved quite a lot. Now, I still struggle but I am able to see the 'good/better' a bit easier. I think it's possible that this could happen for you and it is likely that you will have plenty of bad times while things are improving in your life.

As for your friends, it is quite difficult when friendships aren't going well especially if you are someone who doesn't make friend's easily. I think that it might be worth trying to find ways to build more friendships. Maybe you could look and see if you town has any events? I know that I was able to find my book club on meetup so that might be worth looking into.

I am glad you left the old job and I hope the new job you will be getting into goes well. It can be difficult to start a new job when you are dealing with a learning disability. In most cases, they are willing to work with you on those things as long as you can show that you are making an effort to excel at the job.

Best regards.


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Re: update on me feeling depressed don't wanna be here anymore but some good news and some shit news! - February 4th 2018, 06:00 PM

Hello firstly I would like to say thank you for your response.

The main problem I am having is because of how bullied and scared I have been in life I am a very shut and locked away person don't get me wrong I love my 2 friends I do have but they feel so unreliable does that make sense?

I wish I had some more friends who were not just so unreliable. My normal idea of fun is going out to night clubs I am not the sort of person who enjoys sports or book club lol I do appreciate the gesture. I don't normally go to those by myself because it's dangerous to get intoxicated by yourself lol I love to go with my 2 unreliable friends I just wish I had more of a selection of friends to pick from especially after that one left me on my birthday I doubt our friendship will ever be the same he was my favourite one as well but he always seems to think what he did was right so I give up I hate people who always think they are right and mover see other peoples views. I generally feel so depressed with life but I know I have a lot to be grateful for really I should be thankful in some respect.
   
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Re: update on me feeling depressed don't wanna be here anymore but some good news and some shit news! - February 4th 2018, 06:17 PM

Hey there,

Do you have any hobbies you like? Things you enjoy doing that might be fun to do with other people? I know that I mentioned book club but meetup for my area has a ton of different groups available. I think they have groups for people to go watch movies, play board games and video games and so much more. It might be worth trying to see if there are any groups based on things you like to do. I know, for example, there are pub crawl events in my area. I know they have one at Halloween but I am pretty sure that there are other ones.

I can relate to your concerns about meeting new people since I have dealt with similar things and it has impacted my ability to make friends. However, over the course of the past 9-10 years I have met some really great people and I have learned that not everyone is going to bully me or harm me.

Please remember that I am here if you need anything.


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