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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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No heart. - March 13th 2018, 06:09 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't feel anymore.

What makes me human.. is no longer there.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 15th 2018, 03:33 PM

Hey, I know how it feels. Sometimes, you can't feel anything at all, you just feel like stone. But I also know it doesn't last forever. You can and will break out of this eventually, no matter how hard it may seem now. I know this is the default advice, but are you talking to someone? A counselor, family member, etc? You can talk to me too, if you want, just PM. I know you will find your emotions again. Please, be safe, don't do anything dangerous, and hang in there.
   
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 12:55 AM

I feel like this all the time.

Bad news... even the counselors and therapists can't do anything for me anymore.

I don't know how to feel any more. Ever since "she" was gone......

.... I don't know what to say.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 01:14 AM

Silly, but important question: Are you truly, truly allowing yourself to be helped? That is by far the most important thing you can do for yourself. You can go to therapists and counselors, but if you don't let yourself take this help and heal, then chances are the help they are trying to provide won't sink in.


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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 01:53 AM

"She" was your friend, correct? It's hard when a friend leaves, I get that. But there's so many other cool people out there. Nine times out of ten, the only thing seperating you from a new friend is your own silence. Talk to people. Get back out. Being more involved socially could help to bring some meaning back to your life. Svisttt has a good point as well: are you letting yourself be helped? You can't heal if you refuse to let yourself. I'm no psychologist, but I'm sensing that maybe you blame yourself for them leaving. Or perhaps not. I don't know. But there is something that's holding you back, isn't there? I would recommend taking a close look at the whole situation. If you can identify a major sticking point emotionally for you, you'll know how to help yourself best. But the fact remains that you need to take the first steps. Our words mean nothing if you disregard them out of hand and keep yourself in this state of apathy and depression.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 03:00 AM

I have spent over 500 dollars on tinder. In order to find someone like her.

I just want someone like her back again. So.. yeah.

Didn't work, though. Not yet, anyway.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 03:33 AM

Typically, Tinder is used for people looking for relationships or hook-ups, and not really used to make friends. Are there any events going on in your community you could go to? That might be a fun way to meet people close by. If there aren't any going on, you could also look into local group activities. Back when I was in a bad-ish place, my mom found a martial arts dojo that gave lessons to people my age, and it was a fun and productive way to meet new people. Whatever you decide to do, just see about getting yourself out there more and take care of yourself.


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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 11:31 AM

Also, I wouldn't suggest looking for the same person again. Friends, and people in general, are great because they're all uniquely different. Being friends with someone because they remind you of someone else is a recipe for disaster. Get out in the community. If you want a friend, the best way is through human contact, not through an app.
   
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 09:42 PM

Thanks...

I'm broken without her. Completely.

If I lose her,I have no one in real life. Probably.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 16th 2018, 09:59 PM

Let me tell you something, Yoshi. I actually shared this with you about a year and half ago. So, I had these two wonderful, brilliant people in my life about eleven, twelve years ago. I never met either one of them since they lived over three thousand miles away, but we were pretty close. As it is with the vast majoirty of friendship, we fell out and stopped talking.

Today, over a decade later, I have another pair of wonderful, brilliant friends that I am so happy to have in my life. In past months, I've grown close to them in a way that I never thought would be possible after losing those two friends from ten years ago.

IT. CAN. BE. DONE.

What really helped was talking to my counselor, to these two friends, distracting myself with other things.

I think a lot of other users are able to relate in one way or another. We utilized our resources, and I'm sure there are some of us that aren't 100% over the friends we've lost, sometimes the memories hit us like a tidal wave. We have found ways to cope, by reaching out to the friends we have now or utilizing our coping skills. It's not easy, Yoshi; but it can be done.
   
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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No heart. - March 17th 2018, 07:51 PM

We shall see.We shall see. We shall see. We shall see.

We shall see. We shall see.

For now, my emotions are gone, and so is my heart.

I'm having tears in my eyes while typing this..

I hope that no one will feel the way I do.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; March 17th 2018 at 08:34 PM.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 20th 2018, 04:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
We shall see.We shall see. We shall see. We shall see.

We shall see. We shall see.

For now, my emotions are gone, and so is my heart.

I'm having tears in my eyes while typing this..

I hope that no one will feel the way I do.
Yoshi, you can’t continue to go on like this, you need to do something about it. Sitting here sulking won’t make her come back. I’m pretty sure we have all been in this position before, and we have all moved on. I lost my best friend of 20 years about a month ago, and I have completely moved on, does it still hurt, obviously, but I don’t constantly think about it as I don’t want to live that way. You need to CHOOSE to do this.

You’re still VERY young. Living this way is just going to be exhausting. You really need to get over it. Stop thinking about her. Write her a letter and then burn it. This is one of my favourite things to do.

You need to move on. Now. Not today, not tomorrow, not next month, NOW!

I would also like a proper reply instead of just “thanks” I have put a lot of heart and soul into this reply.



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Re: No heart. - March 22nd 2018, 01:26 AM

I understand that.She means a lot to me, though. I never had anyone like her before in my life due to how my parents were. They regret it now, but as they feared.. it might be a little bit too late.

I'm going to try my best, but the letter thing is impossible. if I lose her, I have no one in real life anymore.

I'll try other ways, though.

Much kindness and warmth.
Darren


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 22nd 2018, 02:14 AM

It's not impossible. Tear the letter up, toss it underwater- just destroy it after you've written it. Brittany is completely right with what she is saying here. I understand that this is extremely hard, and letting go is never easy, but it IS possible and sometimes it needs to be done so you can keep moving forward.

I've been noticing a pattern- you post these things, and people come forward with advice and support because they care and want to see you get better, and the vast majority of the time you are dismissive (whether you mean to or not). I know she means a lot to you, I really do, but this is affecting your life. Hardcore. You have to be open and willing to the idea of moving on and getting support, other people can't magically make things better (though I wish that was a thing ).

Alright, time to touch on the bits about losing her and then being alone IRL. I feel like this needs to be said. The loneliness that would come with that would not last forever. Losing someone does not mean eternal loneliness. Other people exist (lots of 'em are out there), and I know it can be hard to make friends and get to know other people after losing someone so close to you, but it can be done. I've been through it myself, for the vast majority of my life I've had no friends and have been alone, and that only changed when I actively MADE it change. I'm not talking about going on dating sites/apps, either.

You can do this, okay? It is possible and everyone has the ability to do it. Keep yourself safe.


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Re: No heart. - March 22nd 2018, 02:19 AM

Yoshi, I have an honest question for you. Have you actually tried anything we have recommended that you do? Or are you just telling us you have?



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Re: No heart. - March 22nd 2018, 02:23 AM

The thing is, it was her choice to end the friendship whether it was fair to do so or not. We all have the right to choose friends. If she is no longer interested, it eould be healthier for both of you to not keep pushing. And it eould be hrlpful if she set boundaries that reflect her wants and needs. If she forves herdekf to intersct with you just so you wouldnt hurt yoursekf, thats a really unhealthy friendship. For her, she isnt happy and for you, id that what you really want? It eould be a false sende of closeness. It eould be staged.

I have been on both sides of this. I have been hurt and then blocked on social media and ran after friebdships that no longer existed. I hsve ran after sisters, my father, relatibes etc to much disappointment and heartbreak. I am still grirving the way my father rejected me. There were times i eould cry for 10 to 12 hours straight becsuse life is bleak without parents.
I have also however been on the other end and have ended relatiobsjips i have found were no longer healthy and i did not feel it was salvagable. I dont know this girl or what made her maje her decidions but thats what she chose. The person i broje off the frirndship with was akso frim a btojen home and fekt desperate and lonely and didnt have friends and in the midst of his pain he had threatebed suicide unless i had become his friend agsin. I fell for it the first few times but later i realized this wasnt fair to me. Why should I be called names, insulted, fought with, threatened with beubg responsible fpr his posdibke suivide and then in the ebd im not even satisfied with our friebdship. And what kind of person eould i be if i told him i was going to be his friend but didnt truly felt it or meant it. He deserved to have friebds who want to be his friebds. And ehile i care abpit him i no longer wished to be his friend and it was my integrity that lead me to breaking it. It was coming from a virtuous place.

I have tremendous fear of abandonment and anxiety about social rejection. I had a hard life and im sensitive to feeling unwanted. Now, one coping mechsnism i have is fibding closure by telling myself "i appreciate the positives thus far" in other words, holding onto the positibecmemories and letting it fill you up and shield you. And kind of having the attiude of "dont cry that it is over;smile that it happened"

This is a similar trrstment to grieving the passing of a loved one as it is also a lost but it is importsnt to not defibe uour entire self worth on her perspective. You were a person beflre her and you are a person after her, withoit her too.But you are suppressing who you are by bring attached to her in the way that youre showing. You are usibg her as your crutch and then feeking lost withpit her. But she didnt breathe life into you like you claim. You were bresthibg before her, you were alive before her, you had teo feet before her. You can learn to stand on your teo feet without her. But you have to want it. You have to make the decidion to go down a painful but worthwhile path of growth and learning and recovery. It is hard but the first step is admitting theres a problem ehich i thinj yoube done. The second step is identifying abd describing the problem and the third strp is brainstorming ways to cope, and work on your goals as well. But you have to want it. For instsnce, with helping people as i see youre into that, that might be a goal you have. To support others who struggled with a broken home and suffered as an adult becsuse of it. . Then a goal before that might be working on your self esteem, working on recovery, making and keeping a satisfying number of friends. Once we begin the process of heal ourselves to a certain extent (though even healers are works in progress) we can then support others.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 22nd 2018, 05:57 PM

I tried everything. But the letter thing is impossible. If I lose her.. If I lose her...

Komorebi, I have a lot to think of. Can I message you on skype or something instead? thanks...

She is too important to me. My parents now regret it, but it is too late.

You can scold me or do anything you want... but thinking about losing her lead to triggering thoughts. Extremely triggering thoughts.

I'm going to try other ways, though.

I have some other updates.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; March 22nd 2018 at 06:18 PM.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 22nd 2018, 09:55 PM

The letter thing is NOT impossible. Nothing is impossible. This is been going on for over a year now Yoshi, you need to put it to rest and move on with your life. We can’t guide you, you need to follow the light. We can only help so much, which many people here have done. I personally, have helped you for hours and hours, and I feel like whenever I recommend something it goes in one ear and out the other.

We can’t help anymore because we are al far away. Maybe you’re having trouble meeting new people because you’re still stuck on “her”. Every person is unique, you will NOT find anyone identical to her. It’s time for you to try and move on. Take time for yourself, get some help in person, join a club.



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  (#19 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No heart. - March 22nd 2018, 11:27 PM

I know you keep saying the letter thing is impossible because it would mean you lose her, but the truth is, if she has chosen to walk away, whatever the reason may be - you HAVE lost her. It isn't a nice thing to think about and I can say from my own experience that losing someone you love is really hard to come to terms with. But, as other people have said, everyone has a choice and if hers was to walk away, at some point you have to acept that whether you want to or not. It is hard, but such is life, and it's experiences like this that test up and equip us for things even harder.

She had a choice in whether to walk away or not and she chose to go. That sucks. She took the control away from you because you had no say and anybody would be upset with that.

Take control back now. You also have a choice - let losing her ruin the potential to meet newer and interesting people, or let go. Trust me, as soon as you accept that you can't change some things, you will feel better.

Yes it's hard. If it wasn't it wouldn't matter, but it isn't impossible. Nothing ever is. It's mind over matter here, you have to talk yourself out of this because we can't do it for you. You can be upset and still accept you have to do something about it. And I really hope you do because hurting sucks, but this isn't the end, not if you force yourself to move on.


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Re: No heart. - March 23rd 2018, 12:16 AM

Quote:


Komorebi, I have a lot to think of. Can I message you on skype or something instead? thanks...



You are welcome to PM me or we can find an instant chat time. I no longer have access to my Skype though. I can also PM you my email address
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No heart. - March 23rd 2018, 04:41 PM

.... Can we close this thread for ? I need some time to think.

It'll be some time before I make a new thread.

I'm very .. broken on the inside, and I need some time to figure out my feelings.

Brittany... I really appreciate everything. Really.

Much kindness and warmth,
Darren


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: No heart. - March 23rd 2018, 05:18 PM

Stay strong, Yoshi.

Closing at OP request. Feel free to PM me if you want it reopened, or just start a new one.



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