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Sen Vanos Offline
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Haven't been feeling like myself lately - May 28th 2018, 02:03 PM

In the past week I haven't had a single day in which I didn't feel hopeless or embittered. I don't know why, but lately I've been overcome by a wave indifference which is really unlike me. I've always been an optimistic and hard-working person but now I only procrastinate and sulk over life.

It just feels as if nothing has meaning anymore. It doesn't help that I'm having an important exam in two weeks. But why should I try to pass for that exam? So I can go to university and study away more years of my life, culminating in a struggle to end my students' debt and get a job I most likely don't even want to do?

I've always had interests in maths and philosophy, I always wanted to be like the ancient Greek mathematicians and make great discoveries. Earlier this year I decided I wanted to study one of those topics in England, preferably at Cambridge. I'm a practically grade-a student and work my ass off to keep it that way.

These interests were the only thing keeping me motivated and giving me purpose, but now even that seems bland and repetitive. I usually use school as an indication for my level but everything seems so easy nowadays, and researching topics online, especially for maths and philosophy, is way too intimidating to do. I just don't feel the need anymore. Even hanging out with friends tires me out, being an introvert.

I just don't know what to do. I've never been depressed or anything in my life, but this utter lack of motivation is killing me and my interests.

"Per aspera, ad astra- Through difficulties, to the stars"
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Thinking Offline
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Re: Haven't been feeling like myself lately - May 29th 2018, 07:29 AM

Did you just mention math, and Cambridge?! This is huge!!!

Ok sorry, I am a bit too excited when I read that. So let me try to type the formal stuff below in a more serious tone.

Hi Sen, you mentioned that you used to be optimistic and hardworking, are you able to pinpoint the reason what caused you to slack and procastinate lately? Be honest and think of this problem because it is stopping yourself to be at your best. Find out what does it mean when you said "wave indifference"!

Your life has a meaning. You are heading towards a very important stage in your life. Your life has a meaning when you have an interest: You should always do things you like!

Please work hard for your exam, not because you are forced to do it now, but it's so that you won't regret it after many years from now when you look back to this time. Failing the exam might mean a very different life in your future! Do your best in it, then you will be able to make a choice on what to do

It's simple: For example if you have only option A if you fail the exam, and you have option A and B if you pass the exam, what is the best thing to do?

Answer: Do your best in your exam so that you will be busy and you will be too busy to be depressed, and gain option B for free. You can still choose to let go of option B but no matter what you wont be depressed for these two weeks while you preare for the exam.

And you might not see how option B will involve in your life untill you try it!

I recommend reading my advice i posted in the forum, please PM me any suggestions if you think there is any errors or improvements you think you can make!

PS: Could it possibly be the STEP exam that you will be taking two weeks from now? Are you taking STEP 1 and 2 or 2 and 3?

Also I understand fully your struggle. People always give us the impression that math is repetitive and is boring, and by doing only math is making us more like a robot. But we dont find it that way. But when we have difficulties in life, the type of work we do that do not improve ourselves emotionally, will make us doubt ourselves: Have we been doing the wrong thing by only doing our work? Why do we work on something that disconnects us from the world?

The answer is simple, we didn't! It is important to understand that our work is equally as important as the people around us. We don't need people to validate our work. Your feelings do not diminish or you are a robot just because you do math. You feel the same thing just like other humans.

As such, work hard on what you are doing. Please do not give up. I know by first hand what lack of talent and feeling that "I am stupid" feels like, but I also believe one more thing, that I am stupid enough to not give up depsite a very difficult task in front of me, despite everyone will give up, I won't.

Then you will realize this spirit of not giving up itself will place you ahead everyone else. But you will feel good not because of being better than others, you will feel good simply because you are enjoying your interest, because you never gave up on them.

My advice: Don't give up math/philosophy. Don't give up Cambridge. Money and all sorts of loans can be cleared with patience and finding a good job later. I face the same problem as you and I am also very worried. But going to Cambridge itself can help you to find a good work (unless you end up need to work at home like my case), with a good pay. A good pay will mean you pay off your loans faster and to be free financially.

Think again. Make thorough thinking about many years to come. Don't let your current struggle (may it be for a year or even more), to affect your happiness that can affect you for the rest of your life. (which matters much longer!)

You have math skills means you will be analytical enough to analyze the situation. Make the best out of it and don't let your emotions cloud your judgement!

And lastly, you can do great things in future. Don't give up!

PS: I admit I am embarassed to say this, but if you want you can discuss math with me via PM

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.

Last edited by Thinking; May 29th 2018 at 07:45 AM.
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