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TH Anonymous Offline
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Not sure what to title this... - September 5th 2018, 08:14 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

[SIZE="a"]Generally, I'm quiet. Sure a lot of kids are labeled the quiet kid and that's fine. I was one of those just because I liked to observe people and such. But for some reason I was seen as a literal ghost. Often times people would come up to me and say "hey you're quiet." As if I didn't know. But one in particular would come up to me and say "you know, I've never heard your voice." Every month he did this and made a huge deal about me speaking.

What relevance does this make? Honestly I don't know so Im just going to go at it. I emotionally eat, am very fatigue from early afternoon to dinner, and I'm the quietest if the house. Out of some sort of anxiety I randomly check the mail (even on Sundays) or say hi to my parents whenever they enter the room, which annoys them.

I also have no drive. No motivation or passion burns inside me. Many would say oh that's just growing up but even people who hate their jobs have some sort of drive. And I think if that's growing up, then half of our jobs would disappear. I'm almost 17 (my birthday is next week) and even though I looked forward to it last month I barely noticed how close it was. I don't even know why I'm sad all the time but its there. And it makes me physically sick. I emotionally eat to feel better but all it does is bring more sad along with shame.

I don't know why but I fear people can actually read my thoughts. Like you ever have those really evil thoughts and suddenly think WTF no... Why would I hurt my family like that or something.

I also can't live with making someone sad. Like accidentally hurting them in a way or hearing something cry makes me cry. One if my exes took advantage of that and often threatened to commit suicide if I did anything wrong.

In general I just feel really depressed and I don't know why. I'm homeschooling so a school consulting session isn't an option for me.

A lot of times I just don't want to live but I see suicide as an act of selfishness so that's definitely not on a to do list which leaves: homework and watching two kids in my home.[/size]
   
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Re: Not sure what to title this... - September 14th 2018, 11:09 PM

I can completely relate to what you’re saying. You know, I never write these things but honestly it makes me mad no one responds anymore, so here I am leading by example. Have you ever talked to anyone about your depression? Someone you trust? If you EVER need to talk just let me know or send me a message. I used to get these awful awful thoughts f hiring myself or others, for the attention or to make the pain go away. I know EXACTLY what you mean by not having that ‘passion.’ But suicide and self harm don’t make it better. Maybe you can write it out or talk to someone, talk to me or someone you trust, and we can figure out why you’re so depressed. There is ALWAYS hope. Don’t forget that.


If it is meant to be, it will be.
   
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Re: Not sure what to title this... - September 14th 2018, 11:19 PM

And happy birthday


If it is meant to be, it will be.
   
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