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Emzy Offline
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Unhappy things are kinda bad. - May 31st 2009, 06:42 PM

I swear this is my 3rd thread in the Depression forums, that's pretty bad.

Things have been pretty hard for me lately, it's almost a year since my Grandad passed away (27th June), and it still hasn't hit me, I can't cope and it doesn't seem real to me at all, I refuse to believe he's gone, I'm still living life like he's here and I know I shouldn't be, I need to face the fact he's gone, yet I know he's keeping me safe, I pray to him most nights, that's pretty sad but it gives me some closure from it, I never really see my Dad so my Grandad was like my Dad for my entire life, I saw him literally everyday, and it's hard knowing it's changed so suddenly.

Then, I was recently told I've got "mild" depression yet again but I'm not taking any medication this time, as last time I felt so plastic and fake, so I'm trying some classes where I'll be with around 7 other teenagers my age suffering with the same problems & issues as me, but I can't cope with this either, I feel so happy somedays yet others I'm so low and don't want to be here, my mood changes so quickly, sometimes It's hard to keep up with myself. One day I'll wake up and love life and be thankful to be here, yet others I'll wake up and know that something's going to go wrong and 9 times out of 10 I'm right.

And at the moment I'm moaning about my weight so much, I wouldn't class myself as too overweight even though I may look it, I guess everyone kinda sees themselves as fat sometimes, but over the last year I've gained so much weight I've got stretch marks all over my belly & on my upper arms, my belly is awful I can't even look at myself anymore. And then I feel bad because when Charlie sleeps round I always cover up infront of her because I feel it'll put her off me. I've tried everything to get rid off them, I'm going to the gym most days to try and lose weight to help them fade, but no luck yet. This is probs my main problem atm, It's upsetting me so much I'm even losing sleep over it & refusing to leave the house and stuff. It's getting to much for me.

So, to sum up, I'm feeling down due to my Grandad, I'm not coping with being diagnosed with depression & I feel fatter than ever, I haven't self harmed yet but I could - so bad, but I know if I did then Charlie & I would fall out, and I don't want that as things are too perfect with her, I guess she is the reason I'm still here, as cheesy as that sounds. Plus I keep crying, so I'm getting these awful migranes and it's all happening at once and argggggggggh I don't know where to turn or anything. So I'll get drunk to forget it all, I'll lay in bed and my head will spin and the room will seem 100x bigger, and I'll feel so happy until I wake up the next morning. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I feel like I've let myself down so much
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Qwazi Offline
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Re: things are kinda bad. - May 31st 2009, 07:03 PM

Emma, try and block the unhappy thoughts by thinking good thoughts. Think of Charlie for example be happy like I am sure your Grandad would want you to be

Good luck,

Qwazi


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Re: things are kinda bad. - May 31st 2009, 07:23 PM

Thank you, I'm trying my best too.
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Qwazi Offline
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Re: things are kinda bad. - May 31st 2009, 07:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by emzy View Post
Thank you, I'm trying my best too.
That's good Keep it up and stay strong


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