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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I hate myself - May 31st 2009, 11:12 PM

SOOOO much. I cant stand anything about myself. I dont like one thing about myself. And I feel like nobody could possibly love this. Im just this fat ugly mess. Im a bitch, im mean, im obnixous, hypocritcal. Everything thats bad is what I am.

Im sick of living like this.


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate myself - May 31st 2009, 11:29 PM

if you dont like yourself, why dont you try to change?
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Re: I hate myself - May 31st 2009, 11:30 PM

Don't hate yourself. there are probably alot of good qualities that you have. when we get down we tend to dwell on things that we think are wrong with us, even when there is nothing really wrong. I feel the same way alot of the time. like that the world is against me, if i was gone everything would be better. but that is not true. and you should most definatly not hate yourself, you are beautiful no matter what anyone says.

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate myself - May 31st 2009, 11:31 PM

Why do you think like this? Are people saying that your these things?


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Re: I hate myself - May 31st 2009, 11:42 PM

Yea people say some of them. Its all true though so whys it matter if they tell the truth.


   
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Re: I hate myself - May 31st 2009, 11:59 PM

Don't worry about what other people think If they say those things they aren't good friends.


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Re: I hate myself - June 1st 2009, 02:50 AM

You aren't bad.
You were good enough to make me feel better when I was so far down.
PM me, if you need it okay?


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Re: I hate myself - June 1st 2009, 04:28 AM

thanks....i just dont want to be here anymore...im just really confused about everything.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 1st 2009, 05:45 AM

Hi Kendi,

I'm sorry you're feeling so down

But hun, you're not a mess, even though things feel really confusing right now. You're a beautiful person in the right ways, and most likely so on the outside, too (I've found that while thoughts and perceptions and actions can be ugly, people themselves aren't.).

I do understand how you feel, though, having felt that way myself, too. But it's important to remember that you're important, and if you don't want to be "here," know that "here" can change - will change - into a more comfortable fit. Sometimes we just have to find creative ways to approach things in a different way, sometimes things somehow manage to sort themselves out over time.

Hang in there And feel free to PM me anytime!


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Re: I hate myself - June 1st 2009, 10:27 PM

I hate living in general not just living here.

I dont feel so well I feel like overdosing I havent done that in a long time.

I tried distracting myself. I worked out for like an hour but now its back and I want to die more then ever. I can just feel things building up I dont know how much longer it'll be untill I just explode.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 1st 2009, 11:48 PM

Y'know, I just came to this site trying to see if the way I feel is the way other people feel. I understand absolutely what you're saying and I can't tell you I don't feel the same exact way. Infact, writing this makes me sick and I don't even know if I should post it. But I'm gonna take a shot and helping anybody who needs it, even if I die today it wont bother me, but to try to help you is really the important thing. I'm the kind of person who would do anything for anyone at any personal cost. But I think the best thing for you is to relax and breathe. O.D.ing is scary. It never feels good at the end, you throw up or feel awful, wish for death. But if you think about it there are people you know that would help you the second you told them these thoughts. And maybe it will suck, you might have to go through what I had to recently, see a phycologist, have your parents called in, have 2 police officers stand by your side to make sure you dont run away like you told everyone you would, but in the end, if it takes 1,2,3,10 people, they'll help you. I'm not a fan of anti depressents, and I'm not aloud to find my way out by smoking anymore, not on my own choice but by my friends choices. For a little while everything felt allright but then every once in a while you fall back into this state of unhappyness. But I promise, eventually if you let things get better it will. It might not for me, but I can be sure it will for you.
   
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Re: I hate myself - June 2nd 2009, 04:06 AM

Kendi, honey, please take a deep breath. Overdosing isn't going to help anything. You matter so much, and we care about you a lot here. And I've seen how much you've helped people I'm sorry that things are feeling so tough, but you deserve to get to find out how much better they can and will get.

I understand the whole "not liking living" thing - I've definitely felt that way before. But I've found that even when things in general feel like they completely suck, there are always moments that pop up, some expected and some just really pleasant surprises, and are totally worth hanging on for. And you're always worth hanging on for.

And there are other ways of exploding that aren't permanent. Attacking a pillow in various ways, screaming until your lungs get tired, jumping up and down in very childish but very satisfying two-foot stomping (yes, I have done that one a few times...), going on really long rants here, stuff like that can help as productive rather than destructive explosions.

Please take good care of yourself, hun. We're always here whenever you want to talk (though I might not always be physically at my computer, but you get the point). PM me anytime!

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I hate myself - June 2nd 2009, 03:07 PM

I just dont want to do this anymore. THings are falling apart again. Everytime I get really close to one of my friends I end up losing them. I always push them away.

I told my friend I wanted to overdose and she just said dont. And that was the end of the convo. Its like they dont even care aymore their just telling me what they think they should say.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 2nd 2009, 03:16 PM

hey hun.. it's really hard for frens who don't know what you're going through to understand. but you have to know that they do care about you. they're worried but they also feel helpless, and truth is, sometimes, the best person to help you is yourself.
it's hard to get out of these dark thoughts by yourself though.. do you have a trusted adult you can talk to about all these? you don't have to go through it alone. you're a unique person hun, with your own place in this world, and i know that you're stronger than you think you are.
pm me anytime. (:



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the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: I hate myself - June 2nd 2009, 10:14 PM

I've got one adult that I can talk to. But shes really stressed right now she could have her baby at anytime now and shes getting the house for her new baby girl plus shes moving he mom in with her. So shes to busy to talk. And I dont want to stress her out anymore then she is.

Im not stronger then I look Im a very weak person actualy.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 2nd 2009, 11:18 PM

Hey Kendi. Focus on trying to improve your self esteem and self confidence. Find ONE thing about your body and personality that you like everyday. Start out very small, and write it down. As you do this, you will start to feel better about your body and the person that you are becoming. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. You can do it buddy.


There is always hope. PM me anytime.
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Re: I hate myself - June 3rd 2009, 01:07 AM

I really cant think of anything that I like about myself. So how can I do that?


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 3rd 2009, 05:05 AM

We'll help start ya off, then, hun:

Really cool thing #1 about Kendi - she's amazingly caring and thoughtful. She thinks of other's well-being (such as the adult you mentioned earlier) and is able to give really kind, helpful advice (such as in the gagillion helpful replies to posts you've give )

Try taking it from there

Hang in there, hun. PM me anytime!


Drown in the music,
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block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I hate myself - June 3rd 2009, 12:56 PM

But I can't see any of that stuff. I'm sure everybody would be fine without me around. There's not much I can do around here.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 3rd 2009, 11:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by yaitsme View Post
I'm sure everybody would be fine without me around. There's not much I can do around here.
False. Really, really false. Just seeing you around here has made me smile And hey, I care about you, and people not only need people to care about them but also need people to care about, so no, we (and those in your life in general) rather need you around.

Hang in there, hun. And PM me anytime!


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate myself - June 4th 2009, 02:55 AM

I dont see how anybody could like me being around, I'm just in the way. All I am is faults. Thats all I cant ever amount to anything other then that. I want to be pretty and skinny and not have all of these stupid thoughts running through my head. I wanted to die on my 15 birthday but since I'll be in Flordia I cant do that. So now I need to make a differnt plan.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 4th 2009, 03:23 AM

Kendi, honey,

*gives big giant bear hug* (or at least as much of a bear hug as I'm capable of giving )

you are so much more than faults. You give great advice, you've shown that you care about other people, you seem like a really sweet girl,

in my book, that's what gorgeous really is.

I would rethink the dying thing. You have so much promise, honey. I know that your life will be something beautiful, and you better keep me updated because I can't wait to see how

So... how about making a plan for figuring out how to get better? You could even try to think of 101 things that make you happy, 101 things that are awesome about you, and 101 things that you want to do.

And then you can PM it me and I'll send you 101 smileys just for fun

Hang in there, hun. We believe in you.


Drown in the music,
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block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate myself - June 4th 2009, 02:34 PM

thanks. Ive tried getting better and was Im not nearly as bad as I was last summer. But things have just crashed back down on me. It always does every summer. I hate summer. The middle school consuler you I desipse long story on though its posted on old threads about her, but anyways she was asking when my moms off and how much my dad works and whats my brothers doing because she knows if im left alone all summer like I have been that I'll fall back into my depression. I really really really really cant stand her though so talking to her is out of the question.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 5th 2009, 04:34 AM

Hey Kendi,

yeah, I understand summers being tough. But school and fall and whatnot will come! Have you noticed any reasons in particular why summers tend to be worse? Maybe working on avoiding or dealing with those right from the summer can help things go better.

I'm really sorry that you don't like your counselor - that can be really frustrating. And you deserve to find someone who you like and feel comfortable working with - any chance you could do some shopping around for a new one?

Hang in there, hun


Drown in the music,
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Re: I hate myself - June 5th 2009, 06:20 PM

I hate summer because im alone most of the time. Everybodys always busy and my mom and dad are always gone. Im to young to get a job. And theres no voulnteer work here. Theres nothing to do so I just sit here and think about everything which makes me fall back into my depression.

She wasent really my consuler she was just the jr high schools consuler and she always tried to get me to talk to her the 2 times that I actually did. She told and messed up my life anymore. Nobody cares enough to get me actually help. My parents wont deal with it they find it to be an embaressment and keeps it on the down low. The high school consuler I also dont like and I wouldnt ever talk to her.
So im stuck at my house all summer hating myself and thinking of ways to end my life. While everybody is out haveing a good time.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 6th 2009, 05:11 AM

Hi Kendi,

*hugs*

I definitely understand how that feels. But hey, we'll think of some ways to brighten summer up. Any chance you could go to a park or the library or something like that where you can at least get out of your house and have a chance to be around other people for a little while?

I understand parental obstacles - I ran into those, too. But you deserve to get the help that you need. Do you think directly confronting them with a request to find someone outside of school, saying that it's important to you and since you're their daughter and someone important to them it should be important to them, too, or however you'd phrase that, would help at all?

Instead of thinking of ways to end your life (which honey, you really don't need to do. You have so many reasons to be proud of yourself, and things will get brighter), could you think of how to live life in new ways? I'm just remembering a poster in an old classroom of mine, giving ideas on "how to be an artist" (besides the whole painting thing), saying stuff like "write notes that say Yes! and post them around your house," "jump in puddles," stuff like that. Quirky, but still interesting...

Hang in there


Drown in the music,
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block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#27 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate myself - June 7th 2009, 09:57 PM

Theres nothing in walking distance and since im only 14 I cant drive, and nobody will take me so im stuck here.
And they wont listen to me I've tried they just really dont care.
Me living is pointless.


   
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Re: I hate myself - June 8th 2009, 06:15 AM

Kendi!

Honey, you matter soooo much. I'm sorry that things are so rough right now - but please know that even though things've been hard for a while, they will get better. And I'm not going anywhere until they do.

I don't know if it's that your parents really don't care - sometimes parents just don't realize what's actually best for their kids, or how to show that they're trying to figure out what it is. Could you maybe try calling a helpline, like Hopeline (1-800-442-HOPE) instead, then? It's at least one way to talk to someone to try to work through things, without having to actually go to a counselor.

Hang in there, Kendi. I'll be thinking of you.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#29 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate myself - June 8th 2009, 02:31 PM

I cant call any hopelines or anything like that they moniter my calls and would be really mad. But I'll stop bothering you now. I've got to be annoying.


   
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