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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
*Faith* Offline
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Steel Walls - June 1st 2009, 07:39 PM

I've managed to build steel walls around myself that even the closest person to me has no one idea what's going on inside my ugly head. There's no way I can let people in so I just lie to get them away even though I so desperately need them to stay. So, I'm just sat here tearing myself apart in my room. The only outlet I have is my drawings. Its really strange, I keep them in folder and its like a time line through my lifetime. It comes with me everywhere because I'm scared someone will find it and use it as a doorway into my head. I keep drawing, not revising, drawing. Which makes me pretty much screwed for tomorrow's exam and more urgey. Its like a circle that always end up in me tearing myself apart more.

Sorry I just kind of rambled on.


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 12:41 AM

Hey Faith, it's good that you have drawing as an outlet. Hopefully, you will be able to melt these steel Walls with time and let others close, but of course it will take time.


Formerly Known as 747
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 03:13 AM

Hey,

I know what it's like to put up walls and act like your okay so people don't think otherwise. I also know that it's scary letting down these walls but I know that it's for the best to let somebody inside. It's okay to share your pain with people you are close to in life. There's nothing wrong with that, it's a healthy way of letting the pain go. If you can't actually speak it right yet, could you write it and let them know. I think you should really let somebody know even if it doesn't seem like a good idea, it would be for the best!

Drawing seems like a healthy outlet for you.
So that's a good thing, sometimes it even helps us to get our pain on paper. It helps me to write. Just keep looking for healthy things. Remember that things will get better. Don't give up! I'm here if you would like to talk, just send me a PM. <3


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 09:31 AM

Thats the problem, I am planning to never open up again. People take advantage of it so I'm just stuck in this rut. I don't think I want to let go of the pain either, its a part of me and I guess its what made me....me.


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 10:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Faith* View Post
Thats the problem, I am planning to never open up again. People take advantage of it so I'm just stuck in this rut. I don't think I want to let go of the pain either, its a part of me and I guess its what made me....me.
Well, its just a case of making sure the people u do open up to are trustworthy people who wont take advantage or hurt you.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 12:11 PM

Are they any people like that anymore? =/


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 02:21 PM

hey hun.... sorry you're going through all these.. but do believe that there're trustworthy people out there. (: i've found a few myself. they're the people who'd care even though they might hurt you because they don't understand you.
and do know that this is not all you can be. you're a unique person to those around you, and you've a purpose in life that you've yet to find...
try talking more to people, and continue to draw. (: give yourself a break sometimes and relax.
take care! <3



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 03:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Faith* View Post
Are they any people like that anymore? =/
you know, this was actually kind of how i was feeling when i wrote my first post which was not long ago . . i felt so hurt and betrayed by people.
i literally have been drawing, listening to music, watching tv, reading, and anything i can do by myself.
i hate these walls that i have put up, but i also feel like they are they only thing protecting me from getting my heart broken again.
so, are there any people like that? yes there are, i even know where they are, but you just have to find them, and that is the hard part.
but those people will most likely to be able to tell you have been hurt and your guard is up, and they will keep climbing those walls until they can gain your trust.


"All these short times feel like no time, I thought you ought to know."


“Sometimes you have to forget about what you want, and remember what you deserve.”
   
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 04:32 PM

There are people out there who you can trust, there are a lot of people who can help you. I remember about 9 months ago I felt the same way about people and opening up but then I found somebody and they led me to more people who I can trust and talk to and things have been slowly getting better! I think it could be the same for you if you even find just one person!

The pain has made you, you.
Everything that we go through in life makes us who we are.
But there's a time when we have to let go of old things and get on with life.
It won't change who you are and you would be happy.
You can and will get through this, but your going to have to want it first.


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 05:13 PM

I did find people I let them down and lied to them so I lost them. Now I just give up, I can't hold any kind of relaionship with people. Some part of me wants to let some people in but most of me is saying you can do this alone, see how long you last.


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 05:47 PM

Listen to that part of you that want's to let people in.
Don't listen to the lie that says you can do it on your alone, people are meant to be alone. Everybody needs somebody. Just be honest with them about things and everything will work out.

You can do this (:


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
*Faith* Offline
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 06:08 PM

I lost the people I needed because of lies, I deserve loneliness and I'm probably better off this way anyway. Emotions don't bode well with me. I'll just ignore that little part of me.


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 07:06 PM

Can't you apologize to those people, we all make mistakes. We're humans. People do it all the time. You're not better off alone. Everybody needs somebody, no matter who they are, what they've done, or what they've been through. You deserve to be loved and to have people with who you can confide in. Don't ignore that side that want's to talk through the pain. It's the right way. Give it a chance, it will make you feel better!


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
*Faith* Offline
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Re: Steel Walls - June 2nd 2009, 09:18 PM

They're too far gone plus I messed up so many times. Its okay, I'm fine with it being just me, some of us are meant to be loners.


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Re: Steel Walls - June 3rd 2009, 05:12 AM

Maybe... but I also think that for those who want friends, there is a right community out there for them.

So don't give up.

And we care about you and are going to stick with you, at any rate.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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