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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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One of my best friends died last night - February 9th 2021, 11:26 AM

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TRIGGERING.


The Coroner phoned because Julie and I were on our best friend's contacts list. We are shocked and upset, also fearful the chances are high that she may have taken her life.



Our maman asked if we wanted to return. But we decided no good would come out of it because our late friend had no family left. Also our home is being rewired. Meaning chaos and mess. I can't stand mess.



Like Julie my mind, my feelings are blanked out. We have maman and her sisters here, and Tommy and her BFF, same age.



We still have a lot of vacation time and it's going to be better if we just use this month on day at a time.



I'm going to be off the site for a while. Feel stunned.


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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 9th 2021, 08:09 PM

Hey there Wendi. I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine it must feel very painful to lose such a good friend and it's understandable you need to take time for yourself. Please remember we are always here for you. You don't have you experience your grief alone, though I know you have Julie and your Maman to help you through. Best of luck, and please remember to practice good self-care during this time.


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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 9th 2021, 10:28 PM

Hi Wendi,

I'm so sad for your loss, I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I think taking some time away will be an important way to heal and grieve with your family for now, so take all the time you need.

Try not to isolate yourself if you're feeling unhappy though. Your family are there to support you and if you need to talk but feel you don't want to use the forums right now, use your family. Lean on them and don't feel you always have to be the strong one.

Of course if you need anything at all please feel free to message me. I'll be thinking of you and your family. Look after yourself



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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 10th 2021, 12:45 AM

It's never easy when we lose someone extremely close to us, whether it be family or friend. I understand how difficult a time it can be for you right now, lean on your family for support. That is what they are there for.

Though I have never lost a close friend, I have lost family. Grief takes many forms and though how they present themselves is different to each individual. I remember when a member of my family died. I was away at the time stopping over at someone else's house when they woke me, showed me a text message, and suddenly my life was forever changed.

I understand you may have a lot of negative thoughts going on in your head. You worry your friend truly committed suicide and now they are gone forever. It's hard not to think about all the negative things that will then circulate around their passing.

Although distractions are short-term, they are not a bad thing. You've mentioned that you're on vacation, so try and take your mind off the situation by doing something you enjoy. If I recall, in another thread you mentioned fishing. Though fishing can be a slow process depending on the method used, it can also be quite relaxing and allow you to continue spending time with your family.

If this doesn't help, see if you can distract yourself through other means such as self-expression. Music, writing such as in a journal or blog, painting, and drawing can all be used to help express how you feel, but also help you to process the emotions you're feeling.

Take each day as it comes, and don't forget that we're here for you at TeenHelp.


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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 10th 2021, 02:49 PM

Thank you everyone for your kindness and suggestions, and loving compassion; sorry if I come across as formal.

I received a letter from the lawyer acting for my best, albeit late friend. Unknown to me she was being treated for terminal cancer and had died peacefully.


This came as a shock because only a few days ago the coroner phoned suggesting she'd ended her life. The lawyer apologised, stating that a mistake had been made, patient notes being mislaid and in fact my poor friend had passed away peacefully at a hospice.


I was furious with the coroner and his office, but maman said mistakes can happen and really, I should be at least relieved my dear friend had not taken her life after all.


Furthermore, the lawyer stated that my dear friend had left me her entire estate, including a sea facing apartment.


I've had to leave all this with maman. It's been too much to take in. I didn't even know my dear friend had terminal cancer! Otherwise I'd have gone to visit her. Chilling, but she was only in her mid-20s. How I can put closure to her death when she hadn't even let me see her?


We grew up together. Now she's gone.



Maman said my friend had not suffered pain. I don't know what to believe. But she's at peace now. But gone.


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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 11th 2021, 06:50 PM

It's at troubled time like this that Julie has been so helpful, and Tommy also. The greatest vacation is bring us three closer together, especially because my best friend was also close to Julie. Together we three sisters are all stronger for being together, though grief has its stages we are aware, so it's going to take a while to get closure.


“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” - Thomas A. Edison.

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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 13th 2021, 04:37 PM

I'm glad you have your family helping you through this, Wendi. Loss is such a hard thing to deal with, especially in such a young person and so suddenly. Closure and grief are different for everyone, so take as much time as you need. Be with people you love. It's healing. And if you need to talk you know you can always send me a message. Thinking of you all.



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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 14th 2021, 08:40 AM

Hi there Wendi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now. If there is anything you need, please feel free to message me as a listening hear is the only thing I can offer you right now.


   
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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 15th 2021, 11:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Everglow. View Post
I'm glad you have your family helping you through this, Wendi. Loss is such a hard thing to deal with, especially in such a young person and so suddenly. Closure and grief are different for everyone, so take as much time as you need. Be with people you love. It's healing. And if you need to talk you know you can always send me a message. Thinking of you all.
I'm actually accepting my best friend's death and like Julie who knew her so well, just trying to make an effort not to let our loss affect our vacation.

Death of a close friend is never going to be easy, but she would not have wanted either of us to wallow in the self-pity and horribleness of it all. So once home we'll make an appointment with our late friend's lawyer and take things from there.

You've been very kind to me and I appreciate your checking in with me by pm. Thank you!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Flight. View Post
Hi there Wendi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now. If there is anything you need, please feel free to message me as a listening hear is the only thing I can offer you right now.
Thank you, Flight. You know I appreciate your writing and support. As said to Everglow, I'm okay though sad, just taking a day at a time and once we're home, go and see her ;lawyer to see what gives. At some time we'll visit the cemetery and I expect then, that will close on a tough day.



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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 16th 2021, 02:51 AM

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Originally Posted by Pork Chops View Post


I'm actually accepting my best friend's death and like Julie who knew her so well, just trying to make an effort not to let our loss affect our vacation.

Death of a close friend is never going to be easy, but she would not have wanted either of us to wallow in the self-pity and horribleness of it all. So once home we'll make an appointment with our late friend's lawyer and take things from there.

You've been very kind to me and I appreciate your checking in with me by pm. Thank you!




Thank you, Flight. You know I appreciate your writing and support. As said to Everglow, I'm okay though sad, just taking a day at a time and once we're home, go and see her ;lawyer to see what gives. At some time we'll visit the cemetery and I expect then, that will close on a tough day.

That's the only thing you can do.


   
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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 16th 2021, 03:16 PM

Hi Wendi,

I'm incredibly sorry for your loss - the pain must be unimaginable. I too had lost a friend a couple of years ago due to suicide and her death was a huge shock. Even now, sometimes, I can't believe she's gone.

I hope that your friend's soul is in a better place and I will keep her in my prayers.

Take care!! This is indeed a difficult time, and it will take some time to process her death. But time will heal all wounds.


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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 16th 2021, 07:34 PM

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Hi Wendi,

I'm incredibly sorry for your loss - the pain must be unimaginable. I too had lost a friend a couple of years ago due to suicide and her death was a huge shock. Even now, sometimes, I can't believe she's gone.

I hope that your friend's soul is in a better place and I will keep her in my prayers.

Take care!! This is indeed a difficult time, and it will take some time to process her death. But time will heal all wounds.

Thank you for being so supportive, Mallika, but she didn't kill herself. Instead my friend had terminal cancer. And never told me.

When in crisis, close friends usually turn to their buddies and I would have comforted her to the very end, same as Julie. But we were denied it, and that was what hurt. At least being there for her, being with her, either of us could have been a loving comfort. Unlike Julie, I did voluntary work at a hospice a while back, so we know how wonderful these places can be for the very sick and dying. People go there for respite care, or respite is granted to those relatives and close friends who have been carers. But she had instructed the hospice people not to contact Julie or me.

Had this been allowed, we may have come to terms with the passing of our adorable friend sooner. Instead by being told the awful news, we are left with no means of saying goodbye and presently are a few hundred miles away in another country. Then to be told our dear friend had died was one of the worst feelings of all.

One day I will overcome this deep sadness same as Julie. We will find a way forward - eventually. I appreciate your being here for me on the forums is sweet and caring, and I thank you.

The loss of my best friend is akin to our adoptive mother leaving us. No matter how difficult life can be, the feeling of abandonment is an absolute bugger.

Though I will be strong. Strong for my twin sister and "Sparkey" our little sis. Somehow we'll plod on because we have to. Death is like falling asleep, so we've been told. But it's the ones who are left behind who have to find a way forward. It won't be easy, but then it's not the end.


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Re: One of my best friends died last night - February 21st 2021, 09:59 PM

Please could on of the moderators close my topic?


Thank you.


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