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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ella.x Offline
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Name: Ella
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I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 10:01 AM

I feel so awful. Its worse than I've been in a long time. My family are on holiday and I've been having parties every night just so that I don't have the oppurtunity to kill myself, but there's no-one here now. I'm tied between going to my sociology exam in 3 hours and killing myself. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. I need help so bad. I'm so scared
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 10:30 AM

Hey Ella, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way the moment but things will get better. I know you probably hear that a lot and at the moment it probably doesn't seem that way but they will. You just need to calm yourself down and try to figure out why you feel this way and then maybe you'll be able to do something to help change that? As for your exam, it would be best to go even if you don't feel like it because not only is it important, it'll help you focus on something else. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here x
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 10:38 AM

I need to die. I can't be like this anymore. I've got a load of pills next to me. I have to do it
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 10:47 AM

You don't have to do anything Ella. Whatever is wrong can be fixed and you won't have to feel like this but if you take those pills, nothing can fix that and you don't want to do something you'll later regret. I know that you can't do this anymore but as I have said, things can only get better and they will.

Do you know why you feel this way? Could you tell me so that maybe I could help you? Whether it's over this thread or PM, I don't mind. Just don't do anything you'll regret x
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 10:50 AM

I don't know why I feel this way. It's been like this for so long that I don't even know what started it off anymore. I'm so sick of being like this. I wish I knew why I feel so bad coz then I could do something about it.
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 10:55 AM

Have you ever had professional help from like a counsellor? If not, have you considered it? They could help you get to the root of the problem and help you figure out why you feel the way you do.
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 10:56 AM

I went to the councellor at college once last year, but it was a waste of time. I'm too shy to talk about emotional stuff
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 4th 2009, 11:57 AM

You have to be able to fight the shyness. I'm the same as you but if you do it in small steps it does work after time, you just have to give it time. Please think about it and don't do anything.


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 5th 2009, 05:04 AM

Hey Ella,

I understand how intimidating it can be at first, talking to a counselor. It used to be that I couldn't so much as use personal pronouns like "I" or "me" without bursting into tears. But with practice, things get easier. And making sure that you're with someone you feel comfortable around can definitely help with getting stuff out. And someone once gave me the advice of making a list of what I wanted to talk about - and you could always write a more extensive note or something - to give to the therapist so that you don't have to worry about being the one to bring things up.

Hang in there, hun Things will get better. And we're sticking around to make sure they do


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 5th 2009, 07:48 PM

So I tried, got scared when I realised what I'd done and phone NHS direct who called an ambulance for me. I was in hospital for 31 hours, on a drip for 22 hours and had to drink charcoal. I also talking to a psychiatrist from the crisis team but I lied and said it was an accident. Not fun and I still want to do it again. But I have a couple of people coming over tonight so I won't get a chance for a while. Sorry for being useless.
   
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Re: I can't do this anymore - June 6th 2009, 05:15 AM

Ella,

*hugs tightly*

honey, you're soooo not useless. I'm so sorry for what you went through - but you have no idea how glad I am that you're still here. I'm glad that you got help.

Please, please take care of yourself, honey. And feel free to PM me anytime!

I'll be hoping your okay, hun. Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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