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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Depessed - June 6th 2009, 02:40 AM

I know Most of you don't want to read another post by me, so I'll just get to the point. Nothing's changed at all really. It's the same issues. I'm really depressed about it . I don't want to live anymore. There's no point I'm already too much of a loser. I hate myself and my life.

edit *I don't want anyone who's had a relationship to post. None of you understand. Therefore, if you post, you will be put on my ignore list, so do not bother.*

Last edited by lonelyguy; June 6th 2009 at 02:54 PM.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 02:42 AM

Hey Mitch.
I'm Gina.
First off, you aren't alone. and you aren't a loser.
I care. I'd like to help you.
What do you mean by "It's the same issues"?


To Write Love On Her Arms<3
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 02:57 AM

I don't want anyone posting who's had a relationship.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 03:12 AM

Um...okay then...I'm sorry.
May I ask why though?


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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 03:28 AM

"Roles and rules are also thoughts which when grasped onto to its principals are hard for people to get over, or beyond, or let change. People choke the life out of themselves by tying themselves to a chosen self image, any self image whatsoever. Many adults remain on a perpetual adolescence, locked on the protective confinement of a limited set of roles and rules."

Alot of people get anxious when you ask them to become somebody else, to do something different, to try things that are not "them". And they make up great reasons, that you cant argue with them, their reasons are so good. They got the "logic" worked out in their head of why they cant never be successful, or why they cant ever make it happen. They are so convinced thats where they are going, that is hard for other ppl to change their mindset.
Im at the point, where i only look to help people that are at the point they're willing to step out and do something new, to take a chance, to take who you used to be yesterday, and not have to be it anymore today.




"I hate that my blood makes me crazy. I hate that I can't function without being chemically altered...
And inside I feel like tears are streaming down my cheeks. But they're not are they...
I'm so lost inside. I wish that i could get out. But I don't think I ever will..."
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 03:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DontGiveUpHope View Post
Um...okay then...I'm sorry.
May I ask why though?
no.

Quote:
"Roles and rules are also thoughts which when grasped onto to its principals are hard for people to get over, or beyond, or let change. People choke the life out of themselves by tying themselves to a chosen self image, any self image whatsoever. Many adults remain on a perpetual adolescence, locked on the protective confinement of a limited set of roles and rules."

Alot of people get anxious when you ask them to become somebody else, to do something different, to try things that are not "them". And they make up great reasons, that you cant argue with them, their reasons are so good. They got the "logic" worked out in their head of why they cant never be successful, or why they cant ever make it happen. They are so convinced thats where they are going, that is hard for other ppl to change their mindset.
Im at the point, where i only look to help people that are at the point they're willing to step out and do something new, to take a chance, to take who you used to be yesterday, and not have to be it anymore today.
cool. whyd you bother posting then..you can't possibly think that im willing to change from what ive said.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 03:50 AM

Mitch. You're kinda being unfair. We want to help. Please talk to us. By not talking to us, your only making it worse on yourself. We care. We do want to read about you. It doesn't have to be like this Mitch. It really doesn't. I want to help you,Please let me.


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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 04:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelyguy View Post
I don't want anyone posting who's had a relationship.
...........
   
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 04:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelyguy View Post
...........
You don't want anyone posting who has had a relationship? I never have, can I help you?
   
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 05:18 AM

nevermind i guess. there's nothing anyone can say anyway. it's all pointless. see ya.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 05:32 AM

Hey Mitch,

so, I've never had a relationship. What's up?

It's not pointless at all, and you're definitely worth hanging in there for.

I hope you're okay, hun.

Anytime you want to talk, I'm here. (Well, I might physically be away from my computer at some times, but you get the point.) Feel free to PM me anytime!


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dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Depessed - June 6th 2009, 02:52 PM

It is very pointless.

*edit*

I don't really feel like saying why I'm upset since it really hasn't helped in the past and I just feel like I'm whining. It really just boils down to not being noticed by girls, lacking the social capacity and ability to talk to them, missing out on by adosensce, being talked down to by idiots who have has relationships, despising people who have had them, and the knowledge that I will never change. In addition I know that there is a very small percentage of people who have not had a relationship at this age. I cannot bring myself to ever be involved with someone who has had a relationship because of the knowledge that they are just as terrible people as the rest who ignored me throughout elementary, middle, junior high, and senior high school. In the end comes down to there being no solution. I can add that is futile to ask for help or advice because he majority of it I am unable to take. I have exhausted practically all options to making myself able to change myself with the exception of professional conselling.

Last edited by lonelyguy; June 6th 2009 at 08:24 PM. Reason: Say what the hell is wrong and to bitch about it.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 7th 2009, 04:18 AM

Hey Mitch,

Even if "most" teenagers have had a relationship, that doesn't mean not having one translates into having missed out on adolescence. I don't know the actual statistics, but if more people smoked than not, not smoking wouldn't mean that you missed out on life or something. In fact, I've noticed that sometimes being in a relationship eats up people's time and focus so that they're not able to give attention to things that used to be a fulfilling part of their life. Not always, but sometimes.

And even though you haven't been noticed, there's a "yet" on the end of that statement. I'm sorry though - I know how much it sucks, feeling overlooked - but not all of the people you've still to meet will treat you that way. Don't give up hope. And I'm sorry that you don't feel like you can trust someone who's been in a relationship - but having been in a relationship doesn't necessarily make a person terrible. Not everyone who's been in a relationship is ignorant towards those who haven't.

Hmm... I believe that if there's a problem, there always exists therefore a solution. Some just require longer searching for than others. Is there any reason you're hesitant about counseling? If you think it might help, then I'd say go for it. You deserve to be happy


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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 7th 2009, 04:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancer View Post
Hey Mitch,

Even if "most" teenagers have had a relationship, that doesn't mean not having one translates into having missed out on adolescence. I don't know the actual statistics, but if more people smoked than not, not smoking wouldn't mean that you missed out on life or something. In fact, I've noticed that sometimes being in a relationship eats up people's time and focus so that they're not able to give attention to things that used to be a fulfilling part of their life. Not always, but sometimes
I can understand this. There still seems to be something lacking in me though.
Quote:
And even though you haven't been noticed, there's a "yet" on the end of that statement. I'm sorry though - I know how much it sucks, feeling overlooked - but not all of the people you've still to meet will treat you that way. Don't give up hope. And I'm sorry that you don't feel like you can trust someone who's
been in a relationship - but having been in a relationship doesn't necessarily make a person terrible. Not everyone who's been in a relationship is ignorant towards those who haven't.
I would say that most people don't understand. Especially people on these forums, which is why I've placed this restriction on the thread. I have found comments from people who have had relationships offensive, condescending, and upsetting. I don't want to be talking to the same people who would disregard me for someone else. That's how anyone who has had a relationship will appear to me. I feel very strongly about this.
Quote:
Hmm... I believe that if there's a problem, there always exists therefore a solution. Some just require longer searching for than others. Is there any reason you're hesitant about counseling? If you think it might help, then I'd say go for it. You deserve to be happy
But most people have a relationship by the time they are 17. That's something I always wanted..

No there are a few reasons as to why I cannot go into any sort of therapy.

1. Cost
2. Availability in my area.
3. There is another complicated reason. I was on accutane. Because it may cause depression, if I were to get any depressive symptoms they wouldve taken me off it. I had very severe acne. The medicine was necessary and I knew that if I was taken off I would not only be very unattractive for the next few years, but my skin would be scarred worse than it is now. This is the main reason I have not told anyone in the past. Now, recently off of accutane, I have another predicament. I am going away for 6 weeks this summer by myself. If my parents knew how I felt they would not let me go. In addition, the program I am attending would probably not think it wise to take me.

Last edited by lonelyguy; June 7th 2009 at 04:52 AM.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 7th 2009, 04:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelyguy View Post

But most people have a relationship by the time they are 17. That's something I always wanted..
Well, maybe you just haven't found someone to match your awesomeness yet

But really - of the people who've had relationships by 17, how many of those people stay in them? It might be better to wait for meaning than satisfy fleetingly with something rushed into.

Hmm... as for cost, therapists can actually be pretty flexible. A counselor that I once went to told me she was willing to adjust her prices because she didn't want cost to be the reason I couldn't see her. A counselor would probably be willing to work with you, too. Predicament number two is a bit more complicated - but if you were able to find someone farther out, maybe you could just go less frequently, or try to find a halfway point to meet. As for number three, you could just tell your parents that you just want someone with an outside view to talk to and help sort things out with. And you could explain the accutane predicament to the counselor too - they'd be able to help figure out something that leads to there being neither physical nor emotional scars. Or if you really couldn't go to see a therapist, you could try a helpline. I've found Hopeline (1-800-442-HOPE) to be rather helpful.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.

Last edited by dancer; June 7th 2009 at 04:57 AM. Reason: specified quote
   
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Re: Depessed - June 8th 2009, 03:54 AM

I know it lasts for some people. I don't think that rsn is really a reason to not want to be liked or have a normal adolescence. I know things aren't that serious at this age. I can't want that ?

Therapy is definitely not an option as of now. Like I said previously I'm going away. Cost is very much an issue. I already feel guilty for what I think is wasting my parents money on me. They've spent so much on braces and dermatology and conferences.

Would therapy even do anything? I don't actually see what I could accomplish specifically. I mean, if listening to people on these forums doesn't help.... How different would any of the therapist's advice be? I don't think it would be much. Although I cannot take advice seriously on here because of the blatant lack of empathy and hypocritical comments....

So I really don't know what to do. Suicide seems like a really good option. I just don't know how I'd do it. And yes, I do believe that it is a solution to the problem, because the problem has a time constraint which will, if it hasn't already, come.

Frankly I am dead sick of being ignored. I'm sick of being disregarded. There's only so much a person can take. It's been progressively getting worse for me. I have psyho-somatic pains in my hand, at some points I can help but cry, I rarely leave the house other than school, and I started to cut myself. In addition, I find it very difficult to make new friends. One, they do not want me , and two, I find it difficult to justify getting to know someone who doesn't like me in the first place. The alienation is really getting to me. I spend a lot of time online now. There's nothing else to do.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 8th 2009, 05:25 AM

Hey Mitch,

well, the people here aren't therapists. We're just people who happen to care and are able to come up with advice now and then because of stuff we've gone to. "Learn through experience" type of thing. But a therapist would be able to offer another viewpoint and might be able to come up with input or insight or something that we don't.

I'm sorry if I've sounded un-empathetic or hypocritical. I really, really haven't meant to.

Suicide is never an option. And even if something does have a time-constraint, when it comes to something as important as your life, you're not the one to be putting it on there. And I understand how much it hurts being disregarded - having grown up in a dynamic where second-rating myself is now second-nature, I get how that feels - but you get to be someone who doesn't disregard what you want, what might make you happy, what you need. Things like self-harming, in the end that's just adding more problems, not solving any.

I think part of the job-requirement for a friend is that they do like you. And you'll find those people - sometimes it really does just take a community change. Don't give up, Mitch.

And in the meantime, people here (like me), do care about you. Wanna be friends?

Hang in there.


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  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Depessed - June 8th 2009, 11:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancer View Post
Hey Mitch,

well, the people here aren't therapists. We're just people who happen to care and are able to come up with advice now and then because of stuff we've gone to. "Learn through experience" type of thing. But a therapist would be able to offer another viewpoint and might be able to come up with input or insight or something that we don't.
Have you found this true? Do therapists offer you something you couldn't otherwise get?

Quote:
I'm sorry if I've sounded un-empathetic or hypocritical. I really, really haven't meant to.
No, you haven't. It's just the people who tell me it's not important, but have had multiple relationships by the time they are 16. The same people who continue to have teenage relationships. I just can't take that input seriously.

Quote:
Suicide is never an option. And even if something does have a time-constraint, when it comes to something as important as your life, you're not the one to be putting it on there.
I don't understand.
Quote:
And I understand how much it hurts being disregarded - having grown up in a dynamic where second-rating myself is now second-nature, I get how that feels - but you get to be someone who doesn't disregard what you want, what might make you happy, what you need. Things like self-harming, in the end that's just adding more problems, not solving any.
All right.
Quote:
I think part of the job-requirement for a friend is that they do like you. And you'll find those people - sometimes it really does just take a community change. Don't give up, Mitch.
I don't think it'll be different anywhere else..
Quote:
And in the meantime, people here (like me), do care about you. Wanna be friends?

Hang in there.
Sure, thanks.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 10th 2009, 12:38 AM

i have to do an assignment for school that deals with teenage relationships. i cant fucking take this shit now. i fucking hate my life. you all know it. I AM RIGHT. there is no way i could be wrong. otherwise, assignments like these would not exist.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 13th 2009, 08:44 PM

i am nearly 21 and i have never had a relationship because actually i have only ever seen them cause more hurt than good so maybe u have to weigh up the positives and the negatives and realsie that singledom isn't all that bad - it's freedom

Last edited by Never_Again_I_Hope :); June 13th 2009 at 08:45 PM. Reason: wrong age
   
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Re: Depessed - June 13th 2009, 11:25 PM

Mitch,

I have never really had a relationship. I know Im only 15 and all that but I do have some understanding of where your coming from. Im thinking it could be the fact that you feel like somethings wrong and different about you, that must be why you haven't had a relationship. Maybe its that you don't feel like you fit in with everyone else. Maybe you feel left out. I mean, I don't know everything about you but I know those are feelings that I have had. You sit and wonder what is so bad about you that nobody wants you. You feel like an outsider and you just want to have what everyone else has. Even though you can see that they don't last and you can see that it causes hurt a lot you still want to be able to experience it for yourself. I can imagine that its probably worse for you because your older but its the same sort of thing, I would think. I came to realise though that I didn't need somebody like that, I am fine on my own and eventually I will find all that stuff that the others had. I do realise that you want it now but suicide is not the answer. I have tried to kill myself (not because of the relationship thing but other issues as well) and I can honestly say that you don't need to. I know you think that there are no more options for you but most of the time our thoughts of "can't" are the biggest restraints we have. There are always more options, more solutions, even if you can't see them at the time. Sometimes you just have to wait these things out. Wherever there is a problem though, there is a solution. I find that the two things co-exist. Im really sorry if this isn't of help to you, take care of yourself though

Jen


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Re: Depessed - June 14th 2009, 02:00 AM

Hey Mitch,

I am sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. I know how difficult it all can be but please believe when people say suicide is not an option. It may not seem like it now but you have so much more to do in this world...you have your whole life in front of you. Cheesy I know but it is very true.

I too have never been in a relationship, ever. And, I can understand where you are coming from because of that(I think). When you are a teenager and others seem to be romantically involved it does feel like you are being overlooked but you probably aren't. Where is my logic in this? Well, the thing is(as much as this sucks) sometimes people are standoffish around people who seem...standoffish? So people may see you but they might be a little standoffish because they don't want to offend you or anything.

You said you have trouble talking to people and you can't change that and that is understandable, I have and still am going through the same thing. One day, hopefully, you will come out of your shell and when that happens people will get to know you and maybe than a relationship will occur.

Therapists can help but you have to be willing to accept the help they offer and be open to them and all that fun stuff. If you go to a therapist with a closed mind nothing will result.

I don't know if I missed it but you said you were going away, where too? College? Or something else? If it is college, they have therapist there who are free because the cost comes with tuition. You could always consider going to one of them(if it is college).

Don't give up on yourself because things can get better. I hope that that didn't sound condescending because it is not meant to it is just something I learned over the years.

If you need someone to talk to you can pm or aim me.


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Re: Depessed - June 14th 2009, 05:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenn x View Post
Mitch,

There are always more options, more solutions, even if you can't see them at the time. Sometimes you just have to wait these things out. Wherever there is a problem though, there is a solution. I find that the two things co-exist. Im really sorry if this isn't of help to you, take care of yourself though

Jen
Yeah. I guess I wouldn't feel so hopeless if there were solutions that I could actually see.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeautifulDisaster1819
Hey Mitch,

I am sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. I know how difficult it all can be but please believe when people say suicide is not an option. It may not seem like it now but you have so much more to do in this world...you have your whole life in front of you. Cheesy I know but it is very true.

I too have never been in a relationship, ever. And, I can understand where you are coming from because of that(I think). When you are a teenager and others seem to be romantically involved it does feel like you are being overlooked but you probably aren't. Where is my logic in this? Well, the thing is(as much as this sucks) sometimes people are standoffish around people who seem...standoffish? So people may see you but they might be a little standoffish because they don't want to offend you or anything.

You said you have trouble talking to people and you can't change that and that is understandable, I have and still am going through the same thing. One day, hopefully, you will come out of your shell and when that happens people will get to know you and maybe than a relationship will occur.

Therapists can help but you have to be willing to accept the help they offer and be open to them and all that fun stuff. If you go to a therapist with a closed mind nothing will result.

I don't know if I missed it but you said you were going away, where too? College? Or something else? If it is college, they have therapist there who are free because the cost comes with tuition. You could always consider going to one of them(if it is college).

Don't give up on yourself because things can get better. I hope that that didn't sound condescending because it is not meant to it is just something I learned over the years.

If you need someone to talk to you can pm or aim me.
I don't think Ill stop being "standoffish" as long as I perceive that getting to know people will just hurt me more in the end..as it has on many occasions.

I'm not going to college. I have one year left of school. I was selected to participate in a research program at a university for 6 weeks.

Last edited by lonelyguy; June 14th 2009 at 05:57 AM.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 14th 2009, 06:28 AM

Mitch,

I can understand the standoffish thing...haha thats probably a stupid word huh. I never wanted to get to know people because I feared(immensly) getting hurt(Hurt is all I have ever really known when it comes to people). But, one day I was sitting around and thinking 'I am alone and that sucks. I don't want to be alone but I am afraid of being hurt' Anyways this thinking led to some realizations.

I am still kind of uncomfortable around people(afraid they will hurt me) but I try talking and I try letting them in. You have to weigh the pro's and con's. Do you want a relationship and what are you willing to risk? Are you willing to risk the possibility of being hurt? Etc. Getting to know people can be really rewarding but at times it can be really hurtful too. I really don't know what the best thing for you is; only you can make that decision. And, if you think the best thing is to distance yourself from people than so be it. IDK. This probably sounds stupid!

I hope the research thing goes okay and good luck with everything. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: Depessed - June 14th 2009, 11:15 AM

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Originally Posted by lonelyguy View Post
Yeah. I guess I wouldn't feel so hopeless if there were solutions that I could actually see..
I know, it can be really difficult can't it when you just have to hope and pray that the solutions are there even when you can't see them. Its a bit like reaching out in the dark isn't it? Im really sorry you feel this way but you can PM/VM me if you want.


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Re: Depessed - June 14th 2009, 04:33 PM

Same age and social standing, we seem to have something in common.

Hello.

You're not the only one. I'm a girl, and I've never had anything beyond a friendship with anyone since the ones I fall for never fall for me.
I know how it makes you feel like a looser - believe me.

I'm literally aching to be with someone in any way, but it doesn't seem to be happening any time soon either - so if you, instead of thinking of how you hate your life, wanted to talke about it, then I'm here to listen.
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Re: Depessed - June 15th 2009, 12:31 AM

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Originally Posted by BeautifulDisaster1819 View Post
Mitch,

I can understand the standoffish thing...haha thats probably a stupid word huh. I never wanted to get to know people because I feared(immensly) getting hurt(Hurt is all I have ever really known when it comes to people). But, one day I was sitting around and thinking 'I am alone and that sucks. I don't want to be alone but I am afraid of being hurt' Anyways this thinking led to some realizations.

I am still kind of uncomfortable around people(afraid they will hurt me) but I try talking and I try letting them in. You have to weigh the pro's and con's. Do you want a relationship and what are you willing to risk? Are you willing to risk the possibility of being hurt? Etc. Getting to know people can be really rewarding but at times it can be really hurtful too. I really don't know what the best thing for you is; only you can make that decision. And, if you think the best thing is to distance yourself from people than so be it. IDK. This probably sounds stupid!

I hope the research thing goes okay and good luck with everything. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to pm or aim me.
I think I'll try to distance myself more. It doesn't work the other way. May as well not feel worse than I already do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenn X
I know, it can be really difficult can't it when you just have to hope and pray that the solutions are there even when you can't see them. Its a bit like reaching out in the dark isn't it? Im really sorry you feel this way but you can PM/VM me if you want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renna
Same age and social standing, we seem to have something in common.

Hello.

You're not the only one. I'm a girl, and I've never had anything beyond a friendship with anyone since the ones I fall for never fall for me.
I know how it makes you feel like a looser - believe me.

I'm literally aching to be with someone in any way, but it doesn't seem to be happening any time soon either - so if you, instead of thinking of how you hate your life, wanted to talke about it, then I'm here to listen.
Thanks
   
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Re: Depessed - June 16th 2009, 05:22 AM

Hey Mitch,

sorry about the delay - haven't had computer access for the past week or so. Congratulations on being selected for the research program!

I think that taking the risk of potentially getting hurt is just part of life. If we never tried something new because of the fear that it might not work out, neither societies nor people would be able to grow. And the thing is that even if there is the risk of getting hurt, it's not always realized. Things don't always end up not working out. And sometimes the connections we make with other people prove to be hand-holds for us to get to new views that we hadn't anticipated before.


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Re: Depessed - June 16th 2009, 08:32 AM

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Originally Posted by Never_Again_I_Hope :) View Post
i am nearly 21 and i have never had a relationship because actually i have only ever seen them cause more hurt than good so maybe u have to weigh up the positives and the negatives and realsie that singledom isn't all that bad - it's freedom
Same here, but I am twenty-one. Never had a relationship. I won't lie, yeah - it sucks man. It sucks a lot. I mean looking around at my age seeing others in relationships and those younger than me, it feels like I've been misplaced in the world. But, then I started to branch out. I started to throw myself to the wolves.

It took years to do it and I'm finally there. I don't know when something will happen, but at least I can somewhat talk to girls now. Perhaps start a friendship with one that could later get me hooked up with a friend or something, I dunno.

Point is though man, things get better once you throw yourself out there. Yeah, there's constant reminders. Yeah, it sucks. But, life gets better. I've read online and believe it or not there's plenty still in their early twenties who never had a relationship. So, it's not really missing out on things - because others are in the same boat and older - it's just progression.

You start taking charge of your life, which believe me -I wish I could go back and tell myself when I was younger. Things are going to happen. I know that because for the first time, I'm throwing myself out there rather than staying back and - to my surprise - things are happening.

Basically, don't give up, start building confidence in yourself, and in time everything will be right.

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Re: Depessed - June 16th 2009, 05:48 PM

Hey Mitch, I'm Siera. I have never had a relationship so can you let me help? I know a little of what you are feeling, not everything, no one can. But I would like to understand more of it. You have to learn to have more self confidence, something i often lack myself, but it is a powerful thing to have, it helps a lot... and you have to no be afraid of hurt. for what is life with out a risk. risk your heart to those you believe you can trust not to break it. p/m or v/m me if you want im here to help...or just talk...



I'm so tired of pretending everything's okay, my tears are starting to show and my smile is fading away.
PM or VM me if you need me, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or to just listen. I also have most messangers if you want to talk on one of those.

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Re: Depessed - June 17th 2009, 05:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancer View Post
Hey Mitch,

sorry about the delay - haven't had computer access for the past week or so. Congratulations on being selected for the research program!

I think that taking the risk of potentially getting hurt is just part of life. If we never tried something new because of the fear that it might not work out, neither societies nor people would be able to grow. And the thing is that even if there is the risk of getting hurt, it's not always realized. Things don't always end up not working out. And sometimes the connections we make with other people prove to be hand-holds for us to get to new views that we hadn't anticipated before.
Hi. Thanks for posting again. I don't think I can take risks. That's why I want to isolate myself more...so I don't even have to think about the risks I could be taking. Like there's this girl at school I kinda like. I only talked to her when we were doing group work. I couldn't talk to her outside of that. Not in real life, nor online. I can't even take that risk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by josh
....


Point is though man, things get better once you throw yourself out there. Yeah, there's constant reminders. Yeah, it sucks. But, life gets better. I've read online and believe it or not there's plenty still in their early twenties who never had a relationship. So, it's not really missing out on things - because others are in the same boat and older - it's just progression.

You start taking charge of your life, which believe me -I wish I could go back and tell myself when I was younger. Things are going to happen. I know that because for the first time, I'm throwing myself out there rather than staying back and - to my surprise - things are happening.
Hi thanks for posting.
How do you throw yourself out there? I really don't know. I can't do any of the simple social things. I just can't get over it. It's insurmountable. How am I supposed to just get over my fear of talking to people? I don't know how. I don't have a solution. No matter how much I want to do somethings, I just can't. I don't know if some of you understand this, some probably do, but no matter how much I set my mind to saying hi to someone, trying to start a conversation, or make an arrangement to go out with friends, I just can't. It's paralyzing anxiety. I don't have a solution because it's a crippling fear in my mind.

How will life get better...?

I'm constantly afraid of having regrets in the future. That fear isn't enough for me to over come my social fears now. I really don't know what to do.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jinxed angel
Hey Mitch, I'm Siera. I have never had a relationship so can you let me help? I know a little of what you are feeling, not everything, no one can. But I would like to understand more of it. You have to learn to have more self confidence, something i often lack myself, but it is a powerful thing to have, it helps a lot... and you have to no be afraid of hurt. for what is life with out a risk. risk your heart to those you believe you can trust not to break it. p/m or v/m me if you want im here to help...or just talk...
Hi thanks for posting. I don't really know how to get more self confidence.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 17th 2009, 06:23 AM

Hey Mitch,

maybe try not to think of talking to someone, like the girl you kind of like, as a "risk" to be taken in putting yourself out there but as an opportunity for you to see if maybe who you are will click in a new context? The unpredictability in starting any sort of new relationship is intimidating, but once you get your footing the ground for growth of the situation typically gets at least a little more stable. But I understand what you mean about the paralyzing anxiety - it sounds sort of like when I tried to teach myself how to do a backdive and found that no matter how hard I tried to jump off the diving board my legs didn't seem to want to move at all. Thankfully, even though it can feel overwhelming, you can't actually drown in social situations and can typically tread water at your own pace. Though, there are actual social phobias, which are treatable...

On the self-confidence thing... maybe try picking one aspect, one area to feel more secure in, even if it's just holding your head up more habitually or meeting the look of strangers that you pass in the eye or something, and work on that, the whole slowly building over time thing.

Hang in there


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Re: Depessed - June 17th 2009, 07:04 AM

I've posted in a couple of your threads before, and I don't think I'll ever stop saying the same exact thing. Having a relationship isn't life. Why be so dependent on a relationship? Why base your whole life's happiness off of whether or not you are in a relationship? Suddenly being in a relationship isn't going to make things perfect. You'll still have issues, even more issues perhaps, caused by the relationship. Ask anyone whose been in a relationship before, and I'm guessing they'll tell you it's not always a walk in the park. I've never been in a relationship, but really, is a relationship SO important that you let yourself feel this way every day, simply because you've never been in one? Why let something so small completely take over and ruin your life? I don't mean to sound rude, I really don't, but there are people out there who have been in so many relationships it's not even funny, yet they're depressed, and are dealing with problems that I can't even imagining facing. Yet you're letting one small thing completely ruin your life. Why not stop with this whole "poor me, I've never had a relationship" act, and realize how lucky you are compared to a lot of people in the world. You have a family. You have friends. A relationship does not mean everything. Simply because you have never had a relationship, does not mean your life is over. What will it take for you to realize that? You're independent, and your capable of bringing yourself your own happiness. Don't rely on a relationship for happiness, frankly, it's ridiculous. You need to take a step back and realize there are far more important things in life than being in a relationship, or you're going to have a hard time finding happiness in life.





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Re: Depessed - June 17th 2009, 03:17 PM

@Dancer

Thanks for the advice. I will see what I can do.

@Concrete Girl

Thanks for taking the time to post again. That's nice that you feel you don't need a relationship. That's really good.

I don't think that relationship HAS to mean that you will become more depressed. That's a blanket statement. I want to have the issues raised by the relationship, because...I want to experience a relationship... It works for lots of people. Just because it makes life worse for some, does not mean that it will for everyone. Just because someone had a first kiss does not mean they will kill themselves. Just because someone goes on a date does not mean they will hate themselves. I think it's a poor justification to assume that since some people couldn't handle a relationship, I shouldn't even want one.

I guess I won't find happiness in life.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 17th 2009, 04:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelyguy View Post
Hi thanks for posting.
How do you throw yourself out there? I really don't know. I can't do any of the simple social things. I just can't get over it. It's insurmountable. How am I supposed to just get over my fear of talking to people? I don't know how. I don't have a solution. No matter how much I want to do somethings, I just can't. I don't know if some of you understand this, some probably do, but no matter how much I set my mind to saying hi to someone, trying to start a conversation, or make an arrangement to go out with friends, I just can't. It's paralyzing anxiety. I don't have a solution because it's a crippling fear in my mind.

How will life get better...?

I'm constantly afraid of having regrets in the future. That fear isn't enough for me to over come my social fears now. I really don't know what to do.
I'm also the guy who's too afraid to talk, well I "talk" during projects as a team at school - but, that's - well - as you said, not the same. I've always been afraid that others would easily reject me and confirm just how much of a loser I believe I am. Suffice to say, throwing myself out there wasn't easy - at all. But, eventually all of the pain and suffering of being trapped, alone, was too much to bear for me and at the beginning of this school year - I knew that if I didn't try to get out of this route, I'd rather be dead. Sad, I know, but that's what happens after a certain point if you allow yourself to go on with it as long as I have.

So, what's the basic maneuver that I started to do? Just go up to girls and say hi, pretty much, then ask if they had facebook. The other way was finding those at my college - through friend search - with things in common and initiating things that way, even there I was afraid of rejection. I had an online relationship for a couple of weeks that could have perhaps gone somewhere - but, she was scared to act on anything so it didn't pan out. But, what it did tell me was - if it could happen once, if even like that, it could happen again. Lo and behold, I'm there again - with more than one person (just making friendships at this point, though, with guys and girls) - and I have the most friends I ever had. No one's rejected me. Further fueling my courage to throw myself further out there.

In other words, the only way you can throw yourself out there is by taking the fall. By taking the risk of rejection. I don't know if this would work as well as it does in college, but facebook seriously helped man and it built a lot more self-esteem... which is going to some pathetic to some, but - it did. Due to that alone, I'm going away for two months, and I already have more friends over there than anywhere else in my life.

Basically:

1. Go up to a random girl at school and say hi. Don't let go - unless she gives you the evil eye or something (which I used to think would happen, but never got) - stay there and try to continue talking with her. Then ask for facebook.

2. Find friends via facebook who have the same interests, around your age, and live close to you. This can be done via 'advanced friends search.' Worked at college, since this is high school - slightly different, same overall idea. When you send the first message say something like, "hey, I was just surfing through facebook to meet new people and found that we have ------ in common." Simple, to the point, but you're out there already... some will apply, other's wont... plus status - some are 'looking for friends/dating/relationship/etc.' At this point take it slow and steady though, see what develops.

3. Join some kind of camp that has a facebook page for those who are going. This way you can start things up before you get there, same way as number two but with a firmer grounded connection, and by the time you're there - you'll have enough self-confidence to hang out with them. Guy friends can help you find a girl - both out scoping the scenes, and friends who are girls can help as well - they could possibly hook you up with one of their single friends...

These are the things that I did and today in comparison to a little over a year ago, I'm starting to finally live life. Don't be afraid of the risks or what others might think. Just throw yourself out there in any possible way that you can. Some will connect with you, others won't - but some is better than none.

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Re: Depessed - June 18th 2009, 04:43 AM

Hey Mitch,

cool - glad the advice sounded helpful.

But hey, yes you can find happiness in life. It's actually probably best that you don't expect a relationship to be perfect - every relationship, even the "model" ones, have issues. It's how the people in the relationship deal with them that matters - people can work through "issues" and still be perfectly happy doing so. Two of my relatives (the term "aunt" and "uncle" aren't technically correct...) have what I think is a sort of model relationship, but it's not they don't ever have disagreements. They just don't view those disagreements as an "I'm-right-your-wrong" thing or resort to blow-out fights to resolve them.

So, basically, yes, you can find happiness


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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 19th 2009, 03:25 AM

I'm really just a failure and a coward. I don't think I'll be able to do anything to change. I really am hopeless.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 19th 2009, 04:07 AM

Mitch,

you're not a failure.

you're not a coward.

You can change. Yeah, it'll be hard at first, but you can do it.

You're not hopeless.

I promise.

Hang in there <3


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Re: Depessed - June 19th 2009, 04:48 AM

I think I must be missing a step. I can't even say hi. I still can't, no matter how much I want to.
   
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Re: Depessed - June 19th 2009, 04:57 AM

Well, we'll find the missing link

Do you know what keeps you from saying hi? Like, what you're thinking or feeling or whatever that deters you?


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