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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Herald-Hero Offline
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I want to die - June 9th 2009, 08:24 PM

I just...don't want to be alive any more.

It just seems that, more and more recently, that life is becoming less and less worth living. In recent months i've lost several friends, alienated others, become hated by my own mother, failed exams, failed a driving test, lost a girlfriend and more. More stuff than I can actually mention here.

But i was dealing with it, i was coping. But then another horrid situation decided to rear its ugly head.

There was a situation i posted about in another thread a few months ago, about a woman i loved but who did not love me in return, and in fact is perfectly happy with another guy.

The situation on that thread still exists. But hell, it's got so much worse. She's now marrying the guy. I was just about able to handle that.

But today, she guessed something was going on and she got the truth out of me. And now she hates me.

And that was the final straw. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything. I just want to go into a corner and rot and die. And I can't think of 1 good reason why i shouldn't kill myself.

I have the pills required for an overdose. More than enough. I can kill myself easily.

I just don't know what to do...suicide is so tempting...but i always taught not to do such a thing...but it's not that easy..

I just don't know what to do...

Edit: Okay, i decided to edit it and add more reasons, because reading it through they all seem like temporary situations

In truth, this sort of thing isn't temporary. It's permanent. No matter how hard i try, no matter how high i rise, I always fall. It's almost like their is a god watching me, waiting for me to get as high as i can, and then just throws me off the top. I seem like all i do is hurt people and fail. If some god up there wants me to die, i'm more than willing to comply

Last edited by Herald-Hero; June 9th 2009 at 08:43 PM. Reason: more info
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to die - June 9th 2009, 10:15 PM

Hey Chris.

It seems like loads of things have happened recently that have all knocked you down and made you feel like life is not worth living. Life is full of ups and downs. It might feel like right now you are having lots of bad things happen so lots of downs but there has to be some ups soon. You say you have failed exams. Exams are not everything in life. Perhaps exam are not for you so you could take a different pathway, which didn't involve exams. Or of course you could re-sit the exams. I hate exams! But I guess they are part of life sometimes and you just have to get them done.

I failed my driving test 3 times! So don't feel bad failing once but I know just how bad it feels afterwards when you have failed. You just want to be able to get into a car and be able to drive. It is so frustrating but you know the examiners quite often just fail you for the smallest things and people say people who pass first time are not as gooder drivers. So you will be a better driver in the end because you will have had more practice :-) I nearly gave up driving after I kept failing but you should keep at it because it will be worth it in the end.

Losing friends and your girlfriend are big and difficult things to deal with. But I guess it is part of life and you have to learn to accept it. It can be hard when someone you love you want to be with but you can't. That is her loss though.

I can see why you shouldn't give up. If you gave up you would be throwing everything away and not able to live a good life like you deserve. Things can change but you have to keep hanging on and fighting through it. It will be worth it in the end. If you take those pills there will be no turning back and once it is done it is final and can't be changed. But you can change your life and make it the way you want it to be. I know that is easier said than done. But just think you never know what things will be like in a few months or even a few years time so don't give up.

If you ever need anything then you are more than welcome to PM me. Stay strong :-)
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to die - June 10th 2009, 10:25 AM

Dude that sounds like ur in alot of pain...having a woman you love going off and doing that to u..feeling like a failure its not your fault if you want blame this rotten world that we live in dont kill yourself over this pice of crap called earth if u need to be numb try it it works for me

it always feels better to hate than to be depresed
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to die - June 10th 2009, 12:59 PM

But if this world is so crap, what's the point of living?

Jen...it's not her loss at all, because she's getting married! And i've got nothing. So how on earth is it her loss?

Last edited by Herald-Hero; June 10th 2009 at 01:21 PM.
   
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Re: I want to die - June 10th 2009, 05:45 PM

Hey Chris,

The point in living is that there is still so much life left to live. Yes, there are some bad things in this world, but there is a whole lot of good as well. We tend to look at the bad things because we are so critical of ourselves. You're 17. That is a lot of life left to live in you. I truly believe that we need to live through some negative experiences and use them to learn and better ourselves.

Failing your driving exam, well that something you can learn from and do better on if you take the test again. Losing and alienating friends - it happens to all of us at one point in our lives. It is something you can learn from. I would suggest that you try building the relationships you have with friends that you have alienated. Try going into that with a positive outlook. I find that having people to talk to and having company will brighten your mood more often than not. I know that it is important to have people around you, and it is something that you can do because of friendships you have now and in the past.

As for this woman. It does take time to get over people that you have deep feelings for. That doesn't mean that you have nothing. You're young, you have plenty of time to find a good relationship if that is what you ultimately want. I would suggest that you focus on things such as bettering your current outlook on life right now. I would say talking to people like psychologists would greatly help you out. It can help you get focused on goals that you want to attain, and to get your feelings out. You can learn new coping strategies to help you with daily activities.

I hope you're okay Chris. PM me if you need to talk.
   
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Re: I want to die - June 10th 2009, 06:19 PM

i'm fine - thought i kinda wish i werent. tried to kill myself but someone stopped me
   
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Re: I want to die - June 10th 2009, 06:29 PM

Chris,

I'm glad to hear that you are okay, and that someone stopping you from going through with suicide shows that people really do care for you. I think this is a great opportunity to open up to people and start to find the goals that you do want to achieve.
   
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Re: I want to die - June 12th 2009, 04:13 AM

I am glad you are doing okay and someone was able to stop you.

I am sorry to hear about all the bad things that are going on right now but please don't give up. I know that it must be hard loving someone and them not loving you back but maybe she wasn't right for you. And, if she doesn't love you you don't want to be with her anyways because you cannot force someone to love you. As much as that may hurt to realize it is the truth.

I think what Jen meant about it being her loss was the simple fact that she will never experience your love for her and it sounds like you have a lot of love to give her. She may be marrying someone else and experience his love but she will be missing out on the love that you could have given her so in a way it really is her loss.

Please stay strong and if you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to pm or aim me.


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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want to die - June 12th 2009, 03:53 PM

well, now i've lost more friends and failed ANOTHER driving test (down to a completely fucked up examiner). So yeah, lives going great and i've got more inspiration to kill myself

Edit: Oh, and now my mother wants me to leave the house too

Last edited by Herald-Hero; June 12th 2009 at 07:55 PM.
   
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Re: I want to die - June 12th 2009, 10:29 PM

Hey Chris! One thing I just want to stress is that you're so young....so much life left. I'm so glad that someone was able to stop you from killing yourself. Also, failing another driving test isn't the end of the world, you know. It has nothing to do with your character, your intellect, or how "loveable" you are. Just your knowledge on how to stay safe behind the wheel. There will be more driving tests.

Secondly, you may have lost friends but you just gained one . If you need to talk to anybody, you can PM me. I love making new friends.

Thirdly, your relationship issue. You're 17. Don't rush into a relationship. There's so many more people you're going to meet in your life, how do you know that the girl that you were really made for isn't one of them? Cut your life short now, and you'll never know.

I also agree with Vincent. For someone to stop you from suicide, is showing their love. People do love you Chris and you are loveable.

Stay strong ok?

Glow
   
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