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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Why? - June 16th 2009, 02:40 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I wonder whyI should stay alive, all I want to do is kill myself. All this pain for what? For others? I know it's not for myself.. I hate myself SOOO much!! Why can't I kill myself? I'm not really scared.. I just don't wanna hurt anyone, please let me DIE!! Oh, please let me die! I don't get this anymore and I don't wanna struggle. I've already started to write my g-bye letters..
I'm sorry to everyone for not helping.
='(


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Last edited by I ♥ Jehovah Shalom!; June 16th 2009 at 02:41 AM. Reason: Forgot in trigger.. Just incase.
   
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Re: Why? - June 16th 2009, 03:57 AM

Heyy,

Calm down.
First and foremost, you don't need to die. You need to live and work through this! It's hard, I know. It hurts, a lot, yes. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Maybe you don't believe you are going through this for a reason but maybe once you beat all of this (which you will!) you'll be able to help others who are going through the same thing. You will have experience.

Why should you stay alive?
Well because you're still young, you have your whole life to live. There are going to be good and bad times, everybody has good and bad times. But life can beautiful. Don't you want to be able to experience all that life has to offer you?

Why not talk to somebody about your feelings. It helps! Family member, friends, doctor? Maybe seek counselling for your feelings. Believe it or not, they can help you get your life back in order! How about when you start feeling depressed/suicidal about something you do something that you enjoy, call up a friend, do something. Speak positive words over yourself, the more you say them, the more you believe them!

Hang in there!
If you need/want to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.


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Re: Why? - June 16th 2009, 05:06 AM

Hi Suniesha,

take a deep breath, hun. You don't have to be sorry for ranting. But you also don't need to hurt yourself.

What's up? And if you really don't like yourself, then just take a step back, ask why, and then work on changing it. As long as people keep breathing they get to keep being dynamic, working to be the person they want to be. And you're a pretty great person already, so you've just got a leg up there

Hang in there.


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Re: Why? - June 16th 2009, 05:43 AM

Hey,

I am sorry you are feeling so badly right now.

I know life may seem pointless right now but it really isn't. This struggle and pain will pass and you will be so grateful that you were able to hang on.

You said yourself that you didn't want to kill yourself because of the people in your life so keep thinking of them. But, also, think of yourself. You deserve to live. It may not feel like it at the moment but it is the truth. If you did not deserve this life you would never have been born(Hope that doesn't sound stupid) people aren't born into to this world if they are not deserving of it.

In reality it is the depression telling you that you are not deserving of this life. Do not let it win. Beat it because you can.

Is there anyone you can talk to? A friend, family member or other trusted adult? Sometimes talking about these problems can be helpful. Do you know what is bothering you specifically? Sometimes being able to determine the cause or causes of our depression helps as well. Another thing that helps is writing down the reasons that you are feeling depressed and then catergorizing them: Things that I can deal with now and things I can deal with later. That way the things that are depressing you and overwhelming you can, hopefully, be dealt with slowly. (hope that makes sense)

Hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: Why? - June 16th 2009, 09:38 PM

I don't know because I hate myself so much!! What else can I do??


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Re: Why? - June 17th 2009, 03:29 AM

Hi Suniesha,

maybe try looking for traits that are unique about you, that you like? Even if it's something simple (my starting point is typically "I like the way silver nail polish looks on me"), it's at least a starting point. And you can build from there.

Because there are things that are awesome about you. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a nudge to remember them.

Or... maybe you could write down a few things that you want to change, and think of some practical ways to do that. For example, for working on self-confidence, practicing deliberately walking with your back straighter and your head held higher. Stuff like that.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime!


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Re: Why? - June 17th 2009, 04:06 AM

Suneisha I can tell you a pretty huge reason to stay alive. Read your Pm that basically says it all. Gods a pretty big reason.

Were not going to tell you that you can die because we care about you we want you around here!!

I know sometimes life can really get you down and then kick you once your down. But you know what you get back up and you keep at it. Your a wonderful person and you can get through this.


   
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Re: Why? - June 17th 2009, 05:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancer View Post
Hi Suniesha,

maybe try looking for traits that are unique about you, that you like? Even if it's something simple (my starting point is typically "I like the way silver nail polish looks on me"), it's at least a starting point. And you can build from there.

Because there are things that are awesome about you. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a nudge to remember them.

Or... maybe you could write down a few things that you want to change, and think of some practical ways to do that. For example, for working on self-confidence, practicing deliberately walking with your back straighter and your head held higher. Stuff like that.

Hang in there. Feel free to PM me anytime!
I've tried all that! It doesn't work, does it really matter anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by yaitsme View Post
Suneisha I can tell you a pretty huge reason to stay alive. Read your Pm that basically says it all. Gods a pretty big reason.

Were not going to tell you that you can die because we care about you we want you around here!!

I know sometimes life can really get you down and then kick you once your down. But you know what you get back up and you keep at it. Your a wonderful person and you can get through this.
It's funny how people think I am but I don't think I am.. At all.


2nd cor. 5:13
GREAT HOPE COMES FROM FAITH IN GOD!!!!


Last edited by I ♥ Jehovah Shalom!; June 17th 2009 at 05:03 PM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
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Re: Why? - June 17th 2009, 10:32 PM

Hey Suniesha,

I don't know if you will feel comfortable answering this question but it is something I SHOULD have asked from the beginning. Why do you hate yourself? And why don't you think that you are a wonderful person?

I mean a person who has as many post as you have must want to help people and someone who wants to help people is a wonderful person in my books and probably a wonderful person in other people's books too.

Please pm me if you need someone to talk too.


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Re: Why? - June 18th 2009, 04:59 AM

Hey Suniesha,

yeah, I second Jenna's response.

And yes, it always matters. Because you always matter.

I understand the whole not-feeling-wonderful-even-though-people-tell-you-that-you-are thing. For me, sometimes the things that I have "achieved" or that were "good" about me didn't seem to matter - but that's not because they didn't. Just because we can't see our own self-worth doesn't mean that it's not really there.


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Re: Why? - June 18th 2009, 02:02 PM

Dancer and Jenna are right. I have the same problem. I hate myself and think that nobody likes me and stuff, but the truth is people actually do like me I dont know why but they do. You just have to try and remember that there are people that like you for who you are and they think that your a wonderful person because of who you are. Even though you cant see why and you dont think you are diffently dosent mean that your not.


   
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Re: Why? - June 18th 2009, 05:59 PM

Idk why I think that but I do.. And I'm sure it's true.
I hate myself cuz I let things happen and people walking all over me and I'm ugly in the first place.


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Re: Why? - June 18th 2009, 07:00 PM

Hey Suniesha,

Thanks for helping me better understand.

Suniesha, sometimes when people feel really sad they start thinking things about themselves like 'I hate myself and no one likes me' and 90-95% of the time those thoughts are not true. Depression is an extremely ugly thing and it distorts our thoughts and makes us think bad things about ourselves.

One thing I do that works, sometimes, when I get these thoughts is I push those crappy thoughts aside. When the thought of 'I hate myself and so does everyone else' I immediately push it aside and say 'no Jenna, that is the depression talking, that's not true, there a quite a few people out there who enjoy your company' Do you think you could try that? It definitely doesn't work immediately or all the time but if you don't let those thoughts stay in your mind for an excessively long time you might not get as sad.

Another thing I do when I get thoughts of hating myself or of other people hating me/disliking me is I write down the names of people I know, without a shadow of a doubt, liked me and I put a little discription as to why.
Here's an example:

My German Teacher: Thought I was kind and helpful
Glorianne: Said I was sad but liked talking to me

Does that make sense? I don't know, it always helped me to know that there were a few people in the world that really did like me because there were/are times when I really struggle with liking myself. However, if I know that others like me that must mean there is something good about me and it was a step towards liking myself. Also, that activity opened my eyes to some of my good qualites. I was able to identify the reasons people liked me and realized that those reasons were actually really good qualities. I bet the same could happen for you; do you think you could give it a try?

As for people walking all over you is it specific people or just a bunch of your friends? I used to struggle with the whole getting walked all over and I still do at times but I now know when to put my foot down. I say no when I really want to. Suniesha, what is the worst that can happen if you say no? The person might get mad but most likely they will get over it in a day.

The first time I said no I thought I was going to have a heart attack() and when I did it I waited for my friend to yell at me and tell me she hated me but she never did all she did was look at me, smile and say 'that's cool'. You know, half the time people don't even care when you tell them no to something; half the time they expect it, I think.

If it's a specific person(you know a best friend or something), someone that does it all the time do you think you could talk to them? Sit them down and explain to them that sometimes you don't feel like doing the things they want you to do? I know it could be hard but they might be really understanding and, in the end, you might feel better about. It might feel like this weight has been lifted off of your chest.

As for the whole feeling ugly, why would you say that? I bet it isn't even true. You need to have confidence in yourself in order for other people to really see you. I don't know if that makes sense. Just believe in yourself, your beauty and it will be okay.

Hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: Why? - June 19th 2009, 05:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeautifulDisaster1819 View Post
Hey Suniesha,

Thanks for helping me better understand.

Suniesha, sometimes when people feel really sad they start thinking things about themselves like 'I hate myself and no one likes me' and 90-95% of the time those thoughts are not true. Depression is an extremely ugly thing and it distorts our thoughts and makes us think bad things about ourselves.

One thing I do that works, sometimes, when I get these thoughts is I push those crappy thoughts aside. When the thought of 'I hate myself and so does everyone else' I immediately push it aside and say 'no Jenna, that is the depression talking, that's not true, there a quite a few people out there who enjoy your company' Do you think you could try that? It definitely doesn't work immediately or all the time but if you don't let those thoughts stay in your mind for an excessively long time you might not get as sad.

Another thing I do when I get thoughts of hating myself or of other people hating me/disliking me is I write down the names of people I know, without a shadow of a doubt, liked me and I put a little discription as to why.
Here's an example:

My German Teacher: Thought I was kind and helpful
Glorianne: Said I was sad but liked talking to me

Does that make sense? I don't know, it always helped me to know that there were a few people in the world that really did like me because there were/are times when I really struggle with liking myself. However, if I know that others like me that must mean there is something good about me and it was a step towards liking myself. Also, that activity opened my eyes to some of my good qualites. I was able to identify the reasons people liked me and realized that those reasons were actually really good qualities. I bet the same could happen for you; do you think you could give it a try?

As for people walking all over you is it specific people or just a bunch of your friends? I used to struggle with the whole getting walked all over and I still do at times but I now know when to put my foot down. I say no when I really want to. Suniesha, what is the worst that can happen if you say no? The person might get mad but most likely they will get over it in a day.

The first time I said no I thought I was going to have a heart attack() and when I did it I waited for my friend to yell at me and tell me she hated me but she never did all she did was look at me, smile and say 'that's cool'. You know, half the time people don't even care when you tell them no to something; half the time they expect it, I think.

If it's a specific person(you know a best friend or something), someone that does it all the time do you think you could talk to them? Sit them down and explain to them that sometimes you don't feel like doing the things they want you to do? I know it could be hard but they might be really understanding and, in the end, you might feel better about. It might feel like this weight has been lifted off of your chest.

As for the whole feeling ugly, why would you say that? I bet it isn't even true. You need to have confidence in yourself in order for other people to really see you. I don't know if that makes sense. Just believe in yourself, your beauty and it will be okay.

Hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.
I do that all the time.. But it never works, it may seem like I'm shooting down you're idead but I'm not I truly have tried it before.


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Re: Why? - June 19th 2009, 07:45 PM

heys suniesha.

i'm just going to lend a hug and say that no matter what happens, you got all our help and support. you can trust in us!

and you know, there is so much for you to experience. AND no matter what happens, you can trust that there's always going to be people around. and you're a special, wonderful person. never, ever forget that. you always got us around, and thats never going to change.

i have one idea ( i know it might sound trivial ) but sometimes, when the days seem so bad it cant get any worse, just turn on the tv or put in your favourite movie on dvd, or spam chocolates. that might just help it

always, always gonna be around.


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Re: Why? - June 20th 2009, 05:59 AM

spam chocolates??
I love to watch americas funniest home videos on youtube, I like watching other peoples stupidity..


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Re: Why? - June 20th 2009, 06:05 AM

lol

yeah, stuff like that can be rather amusing... and occasionally bemusing

Hang in there. And don't forget to smile


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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Why? - June 21st 2009, 01:19 AM

It is but Idk anymore.


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Re: Why? - June 21st 2009, 04:05 AM

Hmm... what's up, hun?

And know that even when "idk" comes into play, you can always know that we're here for you, and we care about you, and that you deserve to be cared about. By others, and yourself.

So hang in there, hun. Feel free to PM me anytime


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Re: Why? - June 23rd 2009, 03:34 PM

same here.

you're never alone, and always remember there's so many good things ahead of you

the hard part is now, but the best part is later. i'm sooo sure you can overcome this.

tomorrow will be better!


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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Re: Why? - June 25th 2009, 07:09 AM

It sucks alot cuz I feel alone.. I feel like I can't talk to anyone (outside of my computer) and it sucks alot =(
I know I already said that.


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Re: Why? - June 25th 2009, 07:15 AM

That's okay. Sometimes things do just suck a lot.

I understand how that feels, though. Being alone is not so nice feeling. Are there any cousins/uncles/aunts/other relatives you could talk to? Or a youth group leader or pastor or friends? Those in your life care about you and will want to be there for you. I know that it might feel a little strange at first, but even calling a helpline can make things not-so-lonely; I called Hopeline (1-800-442-HOPE), and they worked it out with me so that someone would keep calling back to check in, and it was nice, knowing that I wouldn't have to go through things completely alone, that I wouldn't have to deal with what had happened that day by bottling it all up.


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Re: Why? - June 27th 2009, 08:54 PM

I call the hopeline to but I'm okay now, I feel a lil better.


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Re: Why? - June 27th 2009, 09:01 PM

*gives big, giant, effusive hug and squeezes tightly*

I'm so happy you're doing a little bit better! That's awesome!

Hope the sunny days keep happening


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Re: Why? - June 28th 2009, 04:08 AM

I know it will..
Thanks!!


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Re: Why? - June 28th 2009, 04:56 AM

stay alive for ur church
   
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