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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Suicidal - June 16th 2009, 04:10 PM

I'm 16 years old&I have been depressed since I was about 12. I used to go to counselling but I got better&stopped going, now I'm worse than before. I am considering ending my life, I don't want to but things aren't looking up&I'm sick of being constantly unhappy.
I self harm when I'm upset because it calms me down; I don't think about it anymore I just cut or burn because I'm too upset and angry to think. I've done it since I was 13.
My mum hates me, she's constantly belittling me; telling me I'm a failure and slagging me off. She's done this ever since I was younger, and she resorts to violence frequently. I know I'm 16 now and I can move out but I don't have any money and I'm scared about what would happen if she found me.
I don't have any proper friends anymore because they've all gone off with other people so I don't have anyone to turn to.

I don't know what to do.
   
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Re: Suicidal - June 16th 2009, 06:01 PM

Hi

It must have staken a lot of strenght to talk about what is happeneing in your life. You mentioned counselling helped once before...is it possible to get counselling again?
It sounds to me that you are having a relapse...which you shouldnt get upset about.
Its very normal for people to get better than get ill again.

You shouldnt want to end your life because you are having a relapse.

Unfortauntly self harm is very difficult to deal with, Esepcially because you have used SH for so long as a coping mechanism.

Why not try something else when your angry, instead of cutting or burning. Yes I know that's easier than said, but trust me, it will make you feel much better in the end. Do something like write a dairy.

Or....if you think negative thoughts reconstruct them into positive thoughts

Example; Negative - I feel Like Self Harming.
Positive - I will have a bath to calm me down instead.

If you are really into a serious SH, like when you cant control yourself, that why you maybe need counselling again. It wouldnt hurt to try other coping mechanism tan self harm though.

Your mum probably doesnt hate you, when I was 16 I always thought my mum hated me. I knew she did, but as I got older, we grew closer, but also apart.

However, my situation is slightly different to yours...

Resorting to violence is not the way to go & the police should be informed.

Your still 16, you shouldnt have to deal with the violence. You dont deserve it & dont let her think you deserve it.

If you are being abused you can get the social involved who could set you up in a supported home.

As for friends, theres a whole life out there waiting for you to be their friends. The friends that have gone off with other people were not your real friends,

You deserve better. You are special. I know you can pull through

If you need to talk, my inbox is always open

Please take care

Jamie
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Re: Suicidal - June 16th 2009, 07:35 PM

Hey,

Going back to counseling sounds like a great idea. Sometimes people go to counseling for a while, get better and then later on they need to go back because things in their lives have piled up again. Going back to counseling would not make you weak or anything, if anything it would make you a strong person who realizes that you need some help.

The situation with your mom sounds difficult and getting away from her sounds like a good idea. I understand your fears though. Maybe if you went back to counseling your counselor would be able to help you figure out what to do? Sometimes counselors know of places and resources for people.

One last thing about the violence that you are experiencing at home, you do NOT deserve it. No one deserves to be abused in any way.

As for the cutting that is a horrible addiction to have to deal with. Have you considered using the alternatives? The thing about the alternatives is they don't work immediately; instead they take a while for your body to recognize. So, you might use them and cut 10 or 15 minutes later but the important thing is that you tried them and now your body will recognize that there are other coping mechanisms out there.

What are some things you like to do? Reading, writing, walking? When I first started using the alternatives I focused on the things I enjoyed so maybe you could do the same thing? But, please remember to be patient with the alternatives.

Please stay strong and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: Suicidal - June 16th 2009, 07:38 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry that you've had to go through this for so long but I promise it gets better. It always does. It's hard now but things will look up! Would you reconsider going back to counselling, it seems it helped you the last time you had it!

Your sixteen, your still young, you have your whole life to live, happily. Everybody goes through rough patches in their life, it doesn't mean it doesn't get better! Is there anybody you could tell about your suicidal feelings? Call a suicide hotline, just do NOT act upon these feelings.

I'm sorry your mom does that you. It's not nice of her and I know how hurtful that can be. Is there anyway you can ignore her when she uses those words on you. Don't listen to her, your not a failure! Your here for a reason, speak positive words over yourself! Words are powerful!

Hang in there.
if you would like to talk, pm me!
i'm here <3


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