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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
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I feel... - June 19th 2009, 01:50 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Useless, stupid, arrogant, fat, selfish, weak, fat, ugly, uncaring, bitchy, and disgusting.

I hate posting threads. I feel weak and stupid for asking people here to care about me. But my friends are all busy and I just feel so alone.

I got horrible grades this past semester. I can't even keep up a volunteer job. I can't keep a relationship going. Even my therapist has told me that unless I get better NOW, I will fail colllege and never live the life I plan. I'm useless, a waste of perfectly good space.

I can't think of a good reason to not kill myself right now...I can't actually go through with anything, because I'm out of town with my family. But if I could...and when I get back home...



[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
  Send a message via Yahoo to Through-Glass  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
ARootlessTree Offline
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Re: I feel... - June 19th 2009, 03:15 AM

Don't.
All of those things are remediable. You can always change things. But you have to WANT it bad enough. Do you?

Feel free to PM me.


_______________________________________________
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
how.we.operate. Offline
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Re: I feel... - June 19th 2009, 07:39 AM

i have had the same thoughts a lot in my life, and im sorry that you are feeling this way HUGS

BUT realize you are not a waste of space. you are trying to fight against depression. dont think of the negative things that your mind can come up with, TRY to find anything positive. im sure you have made someone smile, that is a good thing, stuff like that.
start with helping your mind and yourself before you try to mend what is around you (college/grades etc). right now, focus on yourself.
you are not a waste of space, you are you. now its time to define who you are by changing your future.
Stay Safe


Leave the past behind, just walk away
When it's over, and the heart break
And the cracks begin to show

*~*~This little girl was alone in the world~*~*
Hold Onto Hope
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Prozac Offline
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Re: I feel... - June 19th 2009, 01:13 PM

Hey there Jessi.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad right now, I know how hard it can be.

You must never feel weak or stupid asking for help. Everybody needs help sometimes and that's nothing to be ashamed of. We're always going to be here to care about you and support you whenever you need it, Jessi. You are definetly not alone. We're all here for you whilst you get through this difficult patch.

Everything is going to be okay. Everything you have mentioned has a solution. School can be difficult and things may not go the way you want grades-wise, but you can work hard and improve your grades. You can resit exams if you have to. Doing a volunteer job is a very alrtruistic thing to do and you should be proud of yourself for doing it for any period of time, but sometimes you have to put yourself first. If you're struggling with coping with several things at once, try and plan things out and if you want to take a break from your job, that may help you.

You shouldn't be expected to get better straight away. It takes time. You need to look after yourself before anything else. You care about a lot of people and certainly aren't selfish. You need to take some time out for yourself now.

I'm glad that you can't go through with suicide right now, Jessi, because suicide wouldn't solve anything. Everything you've mentioned is resolvable. You've got a lot of things going on right now and it's understandable that it may be putting more pressure on you and stressing you out, but things can change.

We're here for you all the way, Jessi
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I feel... - June 19th 2009, 11:14 PM

Jessi,

I know it might be odd posting here on TH, especially because we're supposed to portray strength here, right? But you need to realize that strength comes from being honest with yourself and people around you. We're all here to help you and you're apart of the community on TH, we want to help and we care. You're a valuable contributor to this site, we need you here. It wouldn't be the same without you. Strength is asking for what you need and knowing you're putting yourself out there. Give us a chance to respond with the results you need. Because many people are here for you. You need to know that.

It seems to me like you're carrying a lot on your two shoulders right now, and I'm sorry it can get overwhelming sometimes. Truly sorry because it's never easy having to deal with anything that overwhelms us. However, each of these things are so temporary. They're problems you need to go through in order to handle what life can throw at you in the future. There will always be problems, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. You can always improve your grades, you can always get a better job, you can always date when you're ready to date. You need to get better on your own terms and only accept the positive advice people have, because you can do this and that's all you need to know right now. You need to know your goals are reachable and you're strong enough to get there. Don't build your jobs up, take on what you can and drop what you can't handle. It's okay not to be able to do everything. We each have our limits and recognizing them is such an important thing.

If you need anyone to talk to about anything at all, I'm only a PM away. I care and it would be a shame not to have you around anymore. A huge shame. I guarantee it would change the atmosphere of TH. You're worth something and that something can't be replaced with anything else.

-Have hope


01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
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Re: I feel... - June 20th 2009, 02:45 AM

Thank you all so much for your responses. It really does mean so much to me; sometimes, it feels like I have a family here.

Today has been really up-and-down. I was really hurting because I felt annoyed when my boyfriend called...which is pretty bad. We've been together for nearly three years, but have been on a break recently. He started smoking, even though I've told him for years that I would have to break up with him if he ever did. I have asthma, and I hate smoking anyway. It really killed me to think that he just didn't care. He stopped, though, because of how much it hurt me; so we're just on a break for the time being. But now I hardly want to speak to him.

The job was actually my moderating position here on TH. I didn't want to say it at first, but I think it's the only way I'll really get the help I need. I was removed due to lack of activity, and I feel like shit. I know I haven't been around as much as I should...the same thing happened to my school work. I just couldn't force myself to do it. I couldn't generate proper responses, just like I couldn't generate my homework correctly. I got bad grades in school, and this feels like a big fat F in life.

I love helping people, I really do. I just completely and utterly suck at it.

Luckily, I've had enough "ups" to enjoy most of my day of vacation. Sort of low now, though. But posting here has helped some.


[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
  Send a message via Yahoo to Through-Glass  
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