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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Anthony Offline
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I Need to Stop - June 20th 2009, 10:17 AM

So the other day I attempted suicide, its not the first time but its one of the most serious, Iv tried this 2 times before and it seems like with each attempt I get a little closer. I think the reason I haven't succeed yet is because im still scared but it seems like this fear is starting to fade now too. I just feel more and more worthless each day, just some disgusting thing that shouldn't be around any longer. Im not sure what I should do anymore cause when I get depressed I just feel awful and things like dieing just seem to make so much sense, idk anymore its like I feel like I should try to stop this because even if I dont care about myself anymore, i dont want to put my family thru anything. I mean iv met some ppl on here that I can talk too and that makes me feel better in general but I still feel awful about myself. It just feels like I should at least try to get help before I really screw up.
   
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Re: I Need to Stop - June 20th 2009, 11:38 AM

Hey Anthony,

I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. You know, things can and will get better you just have to keep holding on to hope. I know that is easier said then done but please stay strong because I believe you are strong(you wouldn't be reaching out for help if you weren't).

Anthony you deserve to live. You are not worthless. If you were worthless you would not have been born. People are not put on this world if they are worthless. I hope that doesn't sound stupid.

It seems like you really care for your family, so is there any way you could talk to one of them about what is bothering you? A parent, a sibling, a cousin, an aunt or uncle? If a family member is not an option what about a pastor, a therapist or another trusted adult? Talking to people can be extremely helpful and sometimes other people can give us a new outlook on what is happening. Do you think you could at least try talking to someone?

Do you know what is bothering you, exactly? If not have you considered keeping a journal? Not only does this help some people feel better it also gives people a better insight into the things that are occuring in their daily lives and it might give you a better idea about what is bothering you and causing you to want to die.(If you don't know that is)

Anthony suicide never solves anything. What's at the end, really? No one comes back from the dead to tell us if it is really what everyone believes it to be. I mean what is there at the end, peace? How do you know for sure? What guarantee do you have?

I hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: I Need to Stop - June 20th 2009, 06:55 PM

Hello Anthony,

I am so sorry to hear about your past suicide attempts. I am sorry that you have been feeling so bad that you feel as though your only option is to commit suicide. It is not your only option. Suicide is not the best option, either. I'm sorry to see that you even considered it an option, Anthony.

Life can be absolutely awful at points but it can also be absolutely wonderful. It's full of ups and downs and no day is ever the same. Your mood and emotions can and do change all the time. You are not going to feel this way forever, you don't deserve to feel this way.

As you're suicidal, I would insist that you talk to someone about how you're feeling, Anthony. You do not need to give up this fight. You have been strong to make it through this far. Your death wouldn't guarantee you any happiness, but it would put your family through a lot of upset. Your family care about you. A lot of people care about you, Anthony.

I'm glad that you find that talking makes you feel better. Talk. Please check out the "Who can help me when I'm suicidal" sticky (http://forums.teenhelp.org/f11-depre...n-im-suicidal/) and reach out to someone. You can get through this, Anthony.
   
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Re: I Need to Stop - June 20th 2009, 07:54 PM

I know talking to someone about this would be a good idea, i just dont know who I could talk to, I mean its easy for me to talk about this stuff online but in real life its really hard. The only family i got is my mom and sister and neither of them are options to talk to right now. I kinda know whats making me feel this way, i mean I got alot of problems in my life, but i also tend to be depressed for no reason aswell. It feels like im depressed all the time, I have awful mood swings and I cant ever control the way I feel. I know killing myself is extream and probably stupid but right now my life is a living hell, waking up every day is hell for me cause I know my whole day will just be more sadness and lonleyness. I know dieing could be anything, but it has to be better than how I feel right now, I just want to be happy for once.
   
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Re: I Need to Stop - June 20th 2009, 10:29 PM

Anthony,

Let me just say, that you are among a community of friends while you open up to us about something to incredibly personal to you. Thank you - for trusting us to try and help you in a positive way. Not only are you among friends, but people that understand what you're explaining. We each know what it's like to feel down. A majority of us know what it feels like to have no future in mind. In that same respect, many of THs members have overcome this. You still have goals, from what I read. You have goals to feel whole and happy. So long as you have those goals, suicide is keeping you from getting them. So long as you leave suicide as an outlet when things get too bad, happiness and anything alike it are going to be hard to reach because the easy way out is always follow close behind your progress.

You have made progress, whether you can see it or not. You haven't just been moving backwards, the fact that you're still here and asking for help shows you want more from what you have and you don't rely just on suicide to try and help. I think telling someone about how you feel is a super idea. I think it's a difficult one to do, but one of the smartest things you can do. This way you're not alone and there will be someone looking out for your life when you're not willing to sometimes. You don't need to remember everything when confronting people for help. Sometimes, all you need to do is fill in the basics and details will come along the way. You could try your local hospital's psychiatry unit? I know some hospitals near me have specific units and provide free counseling. If you can't see a professional right away, then speak with a close friend or anyone. Let them know you're finding it hard to continue life. You don't even need to say that, tell them you need help and want to talk to someone. Keeping these suicidal tendencies inside is the hardest way to receive the proper help you deserve and need. On a day when you're very suicidal and only inches away from attempting suicide, try calling your local EMT or someone else. Remember that this all doesn't need to be verbal. If you're more comfortable explaining all of this with detail, possibly write the person a letter. This way you don't need to feel pressured while confronting them.

If you constantly feel bad about yourself and life - without anything to trigger this, then it could be a sign of chemical imbalances in your brain that only medicinal help can fix. Don't try to take on something like that alone because no amount of therapy can fix the chemicals. Until you decide on telling someone or anything, try to make a list of things that boost your mood and keep you happy. Maybe make a list of quotes that people have told you that make you feel good like; "You're a good friend" or something like that. Make a CD of music that uplifts you or vents your emotions in a positive way, just steer clear of suicide and self harm. The sooner you can accept yourself and realize that you're special because you're you, the easier continuing life will be. Your unique and there is nothing wrong with you. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to live happy and be free of problems, but we need to do that in a positive way that enables you to continue living with those happy thoughts.

Speaking from experience, it does help to talk with someone. It lifts a weight off of your chest and it's something that you need to do for yourself and can't expect anyone to confront you about. You bring good and change into someones life, you have bettered someone elses life, meaning you would be worsening their life if you left. People need you, give others a chance to be needed by you too. If you need anything at all, I'm only a PM away. Please take care.

-Have hope


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Re: I Need to Stop - June 21st 2009, 04:34 AM

Hey Anthony,

I'm sorry to hear about the rough time you've been going though

I understand how frightening it can be, talking to someone not online about what's going on. But you're worth the initial inward push it takes. And it gets easier, talking to someone like a counselor, as you keep doing it. I used to not be able to refer to myself without crying, but now I'm able to talk about what's going on with me in a relatively coherent way without freaking out during it. It just takes practice.

You could try calling Hopeline (1-800-442-HOPE) - they can help talk about things over the phone, and might be able to help you find some references for other people to go to in your area.

Hang in there. PM me anytime!!!

By the way, I like the new avatar. Awesome picture


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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I Need to Stop - June 21st 2009, 10:06 AM

Thanks for all the advice guys, Its just, the whole idea of talking to a stranger about my personal life really scares me, im a really shy and private person and I tend to keep things inside. Unfortunately I dont have any real friends that arnt online friends, im kinda a loser at school and ppl tend to avoid me so its not like I have a friend to talk to even if I wanted to. I just have so much going on in my head I dont even know what to do, I mean I feel bad cause iv posted so many times on here with similar threads, ppl are probably getting tired of my complaining but idk what else to do.
   
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Re: I Need to Stop - June 23rd 2009, 02:11 PM

Anthony,

we will never get tired of talking to you. Ever. You're not complaining - you're asking for help and just explaining the difficulties involved in that. So don't ever worry about posting here. In fact, we'd miss you if we didn't hear from you

Thankfully, counselors typically understand that people often have a hard time talking to strangers about things, so any counselor that you did go to would be able to help you out while keeping that in mind, and maybe even help you work though that a bit. You won't be thrust into doing something that you're completely uncomfortable doing, don't worry.

Hang in there


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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