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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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i just want to diee. - June 24th 2009, 05:09 AM

everything is soooo hard right now; esp. at night.
i can usually make it through the day but then night hits and it's like major depression, self-harm/sucidial feelings.
i've been fighting them off for awhile but it's getting harder and harder to fight the urges.
so last sunday i decided to talk to my pastor at church.
but i'm stupid and shy and froze up and he was like well "keep in touch"
so when i got home, i felt worse and worse and worse, i don't know why but i logged on the church page, realized there were emails next the pastors and i emailed him.
so today my youth pastor text me saying "pastor wanted me to tell you, he got your e-mail and he wanted me to check in on you"
which i don't see why he couldn't have responded to that email himself.
i mean, i have support but i kind of need new people as well and the more open and the more support i have, i realize the better i start feeling.
so yeah.
im hoping he'll approach me sunday?
i don't know, but it made me feel like crapp.

i don't know, i'm sick of this.
i don't wanna do it anymore.
let go.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i just want to diee. - June 24th 2009, 04:01 PM

Hi Cassie

I can understand how tough things are, I dont know why you feel the way you do, could you elaborate?

Im sorry you are feeling how you are feeling, I wish I could take away all your pain.

But....I actually have similar behaviour patterns. Im fine(ish) during the day, but as soon as night/dark hits, I start self harming, major depression & suicidal thoughts.

Im not a doctor, but it do you get major depression in the winter a lot, or when its dark & are you ok in the light?

If so...there is a disorder called S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder) I would recommend you see a doctor & ask about that...like I said Im not a doctor & Im not diagnosing you, I am simply trying to help you.

I think its great that you are talking to someone, even if you do freeze up. Why dont you write things down in bullet points when you think of asking something. Then you will have a compiled list & hopefuly find it easier to talk on sunday.

In the mean time, my inbox is always open

Just remember you are special & deserve the best


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i just want to diee. - June 25th 2009, 02:41 AM

Hey Cassie,

hang in there, hun. I got something like that once - bit of a different situation, but I was kind of like "okay, couldn't talk to me yourself?"

Maybe your pastor thought that having someone who knew you better might have been more helpful or something. I don't think he was trying to ignore your or anything. Keep trying to talk to him!

Keep me updated!

You can get through this, Cassie. Hang in there <3


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block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: i just want to diee. - June 26th 2009, 04:29 PM

Cassie.... if you hadn't helped me a few weeks ago I might've not been here to help you. I know things seem so hard. I know it seems like the hurting never stops. But you've just gotta keep punching back, and slowly but surely, things are gonna fix themselves. You're not stupid. And judging by how much you've helped me and other people here you're not too shy either. And so what if you are?
I'm here for you Cassie
PM me if you ever need to, or if you just want to talk.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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Re: i just want to diee. - June 27th 2009, 01:01 AM

nobody cares.
i'm done.
]:


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i just want to diee. - June 27th 2009, 12:37 PM

Hey Cassie,

Why do you say nobody cares? I care alot? And, I know I am just the girl on the internet but it's something, right?

Listen, I bet your pastor didn't say anything because he thought it would be better for you to talk to someone you knew. Maybe he figured you wouldn't be as open with him. Maybe on sunday you could talk to him and say 'I want to try and talk to you too." And, I know how hard it is but you can do it and if you don't that's okay; email him when you get home. Because in the end all that matters is that you tried!

Cassie, I think a lot of people care about you. I am betting there are a lot of people on this site that care about you and value your advice and friendship. So, please hang in there and don't give up.

Remember my pm box is always open!


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Re: i just want to diee. - June 27th 2009, 08:32 PM

Cassie!

I care about you! The people at your church care about you (even if that occasionally does lead to a headache ), we all care about you here!

I'm sorry that your pastor hasn't emailed you back yet - maybe he just didn't check his email yet? But please, please don't think that you're not cared about. And please take care of yourself, too! I hope you're okay, hun.

Hang in there <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.

Last edited by dancer; June 27th 2009 at 09:01 PM.
   
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Re: i just want to diee. - June 27th 2009, 08:49 PM

Hey Cassie,

I am sorry you feel as though nobody cares, that must be horrible. I want you to know though that, even though I do acknowledge you think nobody cares, the truth is that they do. Your Pastor and youth pastor must care otherwise your pastor wouldn't have gotten the youth pastor to check in on you. Im sure there are lots of other people who care as well! I can tell your a special person, cassie, just from this site. You always want to help other people and you have helped me on a few occasions too. You really are a special person and as worthy as everyone else. I hope you do get to speak to the pastor but if not then I am always here for you


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