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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MadWorld Offline
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Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 04:22 AM

Thinking about death relaxes me. It is my stress reliever (along with SH).

The problem is that every time I think about death, I want to kill myself. Any mention of death, and i go straight to wanting to die.

I want to die. I know that, but I can't get over what it would do to my family and friends. I have already caused them so much pain, making them watch me go through this depression.

My brother just recently found his calling. He is having the time of his life at University, and I can't bear to take that away from him, but I know that living causes me just as much pain as it would cause them if I killed myself.

I don't know what to do!
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 04:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadWorld View Post
Thinking about death relaxes me. It is my stress reliever (along with SH).

The problem is that every time I think about death, I want to kill myself. Any mention of death, and i go straight to wanting to die.

I want to die. I know that, but I can't get over what it would do to my family and friends. I have already caused them so much pain, making them watch me go through this depression.

My brother just recently found his calling. He is having the time of his life at University, and I can't bear to take that away from him, but I know that living causes me just as much pain as it would cause them if I killed myself.

I don't know what to do!
Killing yourself is never the answer, its better to resolve the emotional problems you already contain, then to just die.

Take this from me as an athiest, if you die and go nowhere its NOT worth it!

You would waste your life whoch will get better overtime, trust me I went through the suicidal stage, but now I'm a better strong person, and it will help you too.

Feel free to pm me.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:04 AM

Hey,

I know that it's hard. Depression can really be nasty sometimes but it doesn't mean that you need to kill yourself. It sounds like you have a family that cares and loves you. I know, you say you don't want to ruin their happiness but I think it would be more hurtful for them if you died. They want to help you, let them. If you get help then you won't have to be in this emotional pain for the rest of your life. Things change, you CAN change. You just have to believe in yourself and let people in.

PM me if you want to talk!


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:14 AM

Hi Eva,

depression sucks. But family and friends are supposed to be there for you through it - and to help you get through it. There's a way to stop the hurt without stopping altogether. Yes, your friends and family would miss you a terrible lot - but you'd also miss out on a terrible lot, too. Like the random laughing and smiles and nice days that can be relaxing without having an edge to them, and the chance to find what your calling is.

There are other methods of relaxing besides SHing. Have you tried looking at the alterntatives thread in the SH forum? Also, do you know what about thinking about death relaxes you? Maybe try to find something more productive in terms of your long-term happiness that has the same effect.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
MadWorld Offline
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:27 AM

I have tried to get help. I have a therapist and I am taking anti-depressants.

I don't even really know how to explain it. I sort of feel embarrassed/guilty talking about how I feel. There are so many people out there who have problems worse than mine, why should I be getting attention that is better spent on someone who is worthy of it.

I feel I should just remove myself so that everyone can just be happier, but then I think of my family and I can't even though I know that it would make life easier.
   
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:32 AM

Eva,

*hugs*

you are a breathing person. Therefore you deserve to get all the support you need to keep being a breathing person. Because breathing people are important. Everybody, no matter whether their need is "more" or "less" still has a need, and needs deserve to be filled. So definitely don't feel guilty, and try not to feel embarassed - just because you're asking for help doesn't mean that you're disregarding anyone else. It just means that you're practicing the same consciousness of other's situation for your own. You get to take care of yourself, too.

It's really good that you have tried to get help - have you mentioned that the current approach doesn't seem to be working? Switching medications or counseling approaches or even your therapist in general is okay - you just kind of have to keep at it until you finally find what works for you.

Hang in there. The world needs ya


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:34 AM

Tell your therapist how you're feeling. He/she is there to help you!

Don't feel embarrassed or guilty about you're problems. A problem is a problem and it's hurting you and that makes it very important because you are very important! You're worthy of attention; everybody deserves attention.

Life would NOT be better off without you. You're family would be devasted, trust me. I've seen familys torn apart when a loved one commited suicide. What if you impacted somebody else and then they commit suicide, it could be a chain reaction. That wouldn't be good and it would be causing soooo many people so much pain!

You're only sixteen, you have so much to live for !


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:38 AM

Hey, Eva.

I've been going through a tough time, too, and sometimes, I imagine how much easier it would be if I could just... but I read a line somewhere that stuck in my head and proved to be very true. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Tips that helped me feel better:

There will be good times amongest the chaos. However small, hold on to them. They're diamonds in the rough.

Look forward to things in the future. Small things; movie coming out you wanna see, a book you've been waiting to read, a CD you can't wait to hear. Or larger things: Graduation, moving out, falling in love.

I know these are small, but they've helped me through my sister's death and my current situation.

If you ever want someone to talk to, rant to, or cheer you up, email me at tecknocolor@yahoo.com I check my email every day.

-Bethany
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:49 AM

Thanks all for the support. This forum is one place where I feel safe to write whatever I'm feeling or thinking. I will try your suggestions Bethany, but right now I don't see how anything (besides dying) could help.

I just want it to end.
   
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 05:51 AM

Then, sweetie, I mean this in the nicest way possible, you need to see a therapist.

At the very least,
  • If your feelings are uncontrollable, tell yourself to wait 24 hours before you take any action. This can give you time to really think things through and give yourself some distance from the strong emotions that are plaguing you. During this 24-hour period, try to talk to someone – anyone - as long as they are not another suicidal or depressed person. Call a hotline or talk to a friend. What do you have to lose?
  • If you’re afraid you can’t control yourself, make sure you are never alone. Even if you can’t verbalize your feelings, just stay in public places, hang out with friends or family members, or go to a movie – anything to keep from being by yourself and in danger.
And yes, I copied that from a teen depression site. Just remember, you're not alone and there is ALWAYS hope.
   
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Re: Thinking of death - June 25th 2009, 06:08 AM

Anytime, Eva. You're always welcome here. And hey, remember that once you're here, you're stuck with us caring about you!

Hang in there. We'll getcha through till things are all okay. PM me anytime!


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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