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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Marli Mint Offline
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I don't know what's wrong. I'm losing control. - June 28th 2009, 03:56 AM

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I have a great life in most people's eyes. No one knows what really goes on, though.
To them:
I've got a family to take care of me, a house to live in, I have my very own computer, and my parents would do anything in their power to help me. I just don't see it that way. I'm graced with the life I know thousands of people in America and other countries want, but I'm not happy with it.
The way I see it using the same format as above:
I have an average life. My family houses and feed me, but they don't understand what's going on in my life. They haven't even noticed. My house is nice, but I feel like it's the place I get corrupted most. I can't feel at peace here. My computer is my only escape, and I'm grateful for it. I don't know if my parents would do anything in their power. I don't believe it. The last time I told my mom about a problem I was having it was night terrors, and she barely believed it. I can't imagine how she would react if I told her that I cried every day from pure hate, and have thought about suicide two times this summer.
I don't know why the crap I feel this way. I should be happy. It's a great life, or it should be. Instead, I'm depressed, think about suicide sometimes, and starve myself due to the worst self image possible. I think low of myself. I hate the way I look, I'm a failure, I can't keep a friend for the life of me. I just don't know where my life is going. I'm under around 13 years old right now so where on earth will my life be in a few years when hormones start taking control. I'm horrified that my suicide thoughts will finally take control when I hit full blown puberty. I'm losing control of everything.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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Re: I don't know what's wrong. I'm losing control. - June 28th 2009, 05:03 AM

Hello There (:
Welcome to TH.

As for what's been going on recently, you really need to speak with your family. They might want to believe it but suicidal feelings are a very serious matter and they need to be addressed. Along with the the depression/starvation. Could you possibly seat your parents down and tell them how you have been feeling. It sounds like they care about you and I am sure that they would want to help you and know that you're hurting.

I understand how it is too have everybody think you have such a great life and you don't believe it. Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. The truth is nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, so they don't have the right to judge you and your life. You know the truth and that's all that matters.

I'm sorry if it's hard for you to keep friends, do you know why that is? Maybe you just haven't found the right set yet. I was the same way when I was your age but don't worry to much about it, a lot of kids at your age are going through similier things. Join a clubs and do things your interested in doing and I'm sure you'll find some decent friends that you'll be able to hold onto!

I really hope that everything works out for you. If you ever feel suicidal make sure you tell somebody ASAP, like a friend or family member. If not one of them, call a suicide hotline. You really do need to tell somebody about what you've been going through so that they can you the help that you desperatly need. Trust me, I was your age when I started feeling how you feel and I wish I would have gotten help right away. Don't put if off! It'll be okay!

PM me if you would like to talk, I'm always here !
<3


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
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Re: I don't know what's wrong. I'm losing control. - June 28th 2009, 06:19 AM

Thank you.
I've been trying to work up the courage to tell my parents. My best friend currently (Who i'm afraid of losing terribly) and another friend actually talked to our school vice principal because they thought I needed to be helped. It was at the last year of my time at that school, and there was only a month left so that didn't help much.
I'm not sure why I don't keep friends. I think it could be because I have issues talking to people if it isn't enforced. I'm extremely horrified of rejection. that's actually why I lost a friend this year. We were in different classes and I could never get up the courage to talk to her. That, and I don't have a good reputation at my school district.
A lot of my problems are my fault, but my fears and depression completely take over me. No matter how much i'll want to talk to someone, I can't.
   
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live.laugh.love
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Re: I don't know what's wrong. I'm losing control. - June 28th 2009, 06:23 AM

I know what you mean, it's always been hard for me to talk as well and it still sort of is, though i'm getting better at it. it just takes practice and stepping outside of your comfort zone. it can be scary to talk to people about our problems but it's a huge burden off your chest afterwards.

as for just conversations in general or talking to people without being "forced" just start out with a simple "hi, how are you" and talk. once again it might be out of your comfort zone but pretty soon you should warm up to the idea.

at least you have a couple of friends it seems. a couple is better than none, so be thankful for that. i know it can be scary thinking about losing somebody but don't worry to much about it, just let things ride out. be happy that you have them now in your life.

telling your parents would be a good thing, if you can't, write them a letter and leave it on the table or wherever they are most so they see it and can read it and talk to you about your problems.


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
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Re: I don't know what's wrong. I'm losing control. - June 28th 2009, 12:42 PM

When I was your age I felt the same about certain things. Family was hard to talk to. Friends were few (when I think about it, none of them were real friends) and I often thought of suicide. Here is one tip: find a close person to talk to or vent your frustrations to, be very patient with people because they often don't know what you're going through. Sometimes when you're quiet, they think you don't like them. As hard as it is--when talking to people smile a little and ask them how THEY are doing, and listen. Sometimes they open up and conversation is easier. I don't know if any of this will help, but I do know it worked for me. I wish you luck and keep your head up. I know its very hard, but never give up.


Paul C
   
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Re: I don't know what's wrong. I'm losing control. - June 29th 2009, 11:37 PM

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so upset, but I think its important to know that a lot of people have gone through or are going through similar things.
You sound exactly like me. I also struggle to reach out and socialize unless it is structured or "enforced".
I drifted apart with four close friends of mine. At first I was mad at myself. But then I realized we had gone to different high schools and it was normal. I think you need to lighten up on yourself, and realize that each year you may make new friends and may drift apart from others.

Like others have said, its really important for you to talk to your parents, or at least try again. If they still deny your feelings try to talk to a counselor or someone. Or even better a close friend.
Trust me, I have relied on a close friend throughout the turmoil of depression and if they are a good friend you cannot lose them by reaching out.
If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me any time.
I wish you luck, and want you to remember you can get through this!


If everyone around you is running away in panic,
you're probably missing some thing important

   
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