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-   -   How do I turn the void into a heart? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t19506-how-do-i-turn-void-into-heart/)

Whaaatever July 9th 2009 11:53 PM

How do I turn the void into a heart?
 
This bottomless pit people fill with their unexplained emotions is filled with guilt, insecurities, my own secrets, others secrets, hate and love. It is brimming to the point of expansion, it seems it always has been. Yet it never becomes the "heart" people speak of.

How do I fill the void... and turn it into a heart? Can a heart be filled or emptied? Can it collapse and become the void I seemingly have? A place for all the dark feelings to hide and shelter to never surface under any circumstances?

Things that are seemingly delusions in my eyes fill the hearts of others, yet the same apparent delusions cannot fill my own. What do I do with this feeling of being overburdened yet remaining empty?

Does my pride, arrogance, naivety or ego shield me from turning the void into a heart? Assuming it does, does that mean I can no longer be who I want to be in order to have this "heart" people speak of.

The void grows and all proof of existence of a heart within me has faded, apart from the emotional damage it has caused. I've been told by my family, my friends and my lovers that my heart is as dark as could be. I only want the best for everyone, yet honesty seems to deny the feelings of others... What the fuck should I do? Please tell me, because I don't know anymore, I like to say I don't care anymore because I've given up. But this shattered "heart" of mine still aches, surely there must be something to mend the pain?

I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. I can continue living this sad existence of mine without suicide, as much as I think of it. But why can others smile so openly, whilst I must force it so?

dancer July 10th 2009 04:07 AM

Re: How do I turn the void into a heart?
 
Hey there,

first, wanting to have a heart is a major sign of already having one, whatever state it may be in.

second, you're an awesome writer.

So, it seems that you know "how" your heart is pretty well. I think that figuring out "why" might be a good idea - any sort of past emotional residue that you're carrying around, hesitancy in really connecting to life for fear of getting hurt, issues with how you view yourself, all of that can cloud a heart. But once you know the "why," you have a more concrete direction on how to go about changing - rebuilding - your heart.

Hope that maybe helps some...

Hang in there.


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