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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ChapperIce Offline
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I feel like no one cares about me - July 13th 2009, 04:16 AM

Rather,t hat my family doesn't. When my family added me to Facebook, I saw it as an opportunity. Maybe I could post how depressed I am there, and be able to tell them and maybe get help without having to tell them face to face.

Nope.

Instead, I get yelled at for using the F word when I'm stressed out or frustrated, and told (By my cousin) to stop complaining and being so negative because no one on facebook cares.

And supposedly that there's a reason my aunt didn't give me my birthday present when she said she had one for me and was going to mail it to me (which leads me to believe she decided not to send it because of some of my feelings or something?)

I can't blame my mom for not caring with the facebook thing because she doesn't go on there despite being on there.. but I do blame her because I told a counselor once I was really depressed and wanted to get some help, and she asked if I wanted her to tell my mom for me. She did. My mom asked me if I was depressed after that and I told her yes. Then nothing.

I've been depressed since sixth grade. My family makes me feel like I can't do anything right, like I'm worthless. I'm a little lazy because I feel there's no point. WHy bother cleaning my room to make my mom happy? She'll find something else to yell at me for. Why bother with going to school? I'm a failure anyway. Being around my family just makes me depressed. They're all so much better looking compared to me. I feel absolutely disgusting and fat.

I honestly don't think it matters if I live or not. I don't want to be alive anymore, I don't want to feel this way. I want to be happy.

Only three things are keeping me alive at this point
1- my fear of death
2- the fact that I know that some of my friends really do care about me..but it means more if it's family who cares for oyu than if friends do..
3- A friend of mine commited suicide last september and I promised myself to try and be happier for her and not to let myself do anything drastic until I've lost everything, and so far I still have plenty. But I know how her death affected me and I don't want to put that on anyone else. I only knew her online but it still hurt terribly and it still hurts everytime I think of her. I don't want to put her through that.

But despite this, I still WANT to die, and I'm still miserable. Even if I won't do it, I still want to, and that terrifies me.

I don't cut myself or anything. I bite my lip if it gets too bad but that's about it. I haven't bitten in awhile because it hurts a lot when it heals and it looks gross and I feel uncomfortable going to work with that..
   
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dancer Offline
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Re: I feel like no one cares about me - July 13th 2009, 04:32 AM

Hey there,

first off, welcome to TH. And thanks for sharing all that's been going on with us.

So, I'm sorry about how people have been responding (or not responding) when you've been trying to reach out for help. Sometimes, though, it's not that families don't care - it's just that they don't know what to say and get frustrated with themselves for not knowing how to deal with something and then just lash out at you. But please know that their own lack of "response skills" doesn't mean that they don't still truly care about you.

And please know that you are not worthless. People are born mattering and then are just stuck that way Your worth is not measured by someone else's happiness with you and how you cleaned your room. In fact, it inherently surpasses measure. Maybe try coming up with a list of things that you like about yourself, or at least try to find one thing, even if it's a small thing, each day, and build off of that.

And you do deserve to get help. I understand parental obstacles - I had to beg my mother to see a counselor the times that I did. Try asking your mom again. But since you're eighteen, you should be able to see one without needing her consent. Your doctor should be able to help you find references, or a helpline (like Hopeline, 1-800-442-HOPE), or even a friend or friend's parent.

And while we're not professionals, we're always here to listen, too

Hang in there. And be good to yourself.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: I feel like no one cares about me - July 13th 2009, 04:37 AM

The thing is, I have plenty of things to be happy with. Even if I FEEL ugly, I know I'm at least kinda pretty (if a bit pudgey). I'm doing good at my job at the grocery store, my supervisors tell me I'm doing a great job every day (and I got two stars for our employee rewards thing today!). I feel fulfilled because I'm paying off a laptop (an expensive one!) with my own money every week, no one helping me at all. Even if I'm lazy, I do take some responsibilities.

But no matter how many good things there are, I still feel miserable, worthless, and unwanted. Even if it doesn't matter what others think, the fact of the matter is I want my family to show they care about me..and they just don't. It honestly feels like I shouldn't have been born. They'd prefer my alcoholic brother with no job or drive towards his goals over my, the hard working girl who's trying desperately to improve on her art to achieve her goals (I want to be an animator).

And nothing against my brother, but that's bullshit that they like him more..
   
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dancer Offline
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Re: I feel like no one cares about me - July 13th 2009, 04:44 AM

Depression often doesn't care whether or not we have reasons to be happy. We just aren't. It doesn't mean that we're being ungrateful or anything, it just means that something, in some way, is wrong, and it's being a roadblock emotionally.

And those good things about you, hang on to them. And build! Because there are lots of good things about you. You are not worthless or unwanted. I know that it can be hard to not feel that way sometimes, but I promise, you are worth so much and are an important part of the lives of those who are a part of your life. And you're the only one, ever, who can ever be you. Without you, there'd be an unfilled void. So basically, you're pretty important. Regardless of what anyone else may seem to think.

And btw, that's awesome about wanting to be an animator

You could maybe try a family therapist - someone who'll be your counselor, but who understands that one person's internal dynamic is affected by the dynamic of the whole family, and will work with the whole family then on some level to try to smooth things out.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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ChapperIce Offline
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Re: I feel like no one cares about me - July 13th 2009, 04:47 AM

we had a family counselor when I was little. I'm not exactly sure why, I think it was because of my brother (I was only 5-8 at the time) because he liked to smoke, drink, do all kinds of drugs..got arrested a lot and junk like that.. It didn't help me much then, I didn't really know what the point was. I don't want to talk to my mom and ask her to get me a counselor again though..
   
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dancer Offline
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Re: I feel like no one cares about me - July 13th 2009, 04:53 AM

Do you think it would help more now, since you do know what the point is? And since you're eighteen you wouldn't necessarily have to ask your mom. Or... what do you think would most help you at this point? For example, having someone to talk to about what's going on, having something or other change, being able to feel more confident, stuff like that.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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