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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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The End - July 18th 2009, 07:40 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't keep doing this. It is too hard. I have to do something. I have to give up. I just have to, it is the only way.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 07:48 AM

Hey Saria,

*hugs closely*

hun, take a deep breath. You don't have to do anything. I promise, suicide is not the only option. I know that things can hurt ridiculously, but pain can end without you ending with it. You get to keep going to live your life and find out that you can be happy.

What's going on right now that's got ya feeling overwhelmed?

Hang in there. It'll be okay.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 07:51 AM

Hey Saria,

I am so very sorry that you are struggling but please don't give up because things will work out. Saria, I know that you are hurting but giving up shouldn't be an option because you deserve to live.

I think you need to talk to someone about these feelings you are having because it can really help. Sometimes talking can be hard but I think you can do it. Also, sometimes it takes a while for the talking to really show any results so don't give up on it; keep reaching out and talking until you start feeling better. I know that sometimes it sucks to be patient and hang on but please try because like I said, you deserve to live.

Saria, have you tried writing your feelings down in a journal? That can be really helpful and it might help you figure out the root of the problem; you know the reason you are feeling so low.

Please hang in there and if you ever want to talk please feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:02 AM

Hanging in there hasn't been getting me anywhere though. No one understands how hard it is.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:09 AM

Saria, honey, I understand how things can feel impossible sometimes. Too much, the end, no more, impossible.

But even then, they're not.

Because even when it seems like there's no possible way for things to get better, they do.

Often weirdly unexpectedly, but they do.

What's going on right now that's feeling so final?

Hang in there. We'll getcha through this, hun.


Drown in the music,
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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:13 AM

All day I have been having flashbacks from when my Mum attempted suicide and it is just too much and I can't escape them and they just make me feel so insignificant and as if no one cares about me at all.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:19 AM

*hugs*

*hugs again*

I'm so sorry that you've been having flashbacks of that, honey. Was anything triggering that might have set off having them?

And I'm sorry that you feel insignificant. I definitely understand how that feels, and you don't deserve to feel that way at all. Because you're the farthest thing from insignificant. You are important part of so many people's lives, including your mother's. Her actions don't have anything to with her value of you; people stop thinking rationally and often aren't able to remember what matters most to them when they try things like that. But that doesn't mean that they don't care about those in their lives. And as her daughter, you are a vital part of your mother's life.

And of your life. Because your life is significant. And you are cared about. We care about you, so much. Have you tried talking to your doctor, or to a counselor about the flashbacks? They'd probably have some ideas on how to help things that hurt like that not surge up so much.

Hang in there, Saria. You are cared about deeply, and we're going to stick with you to see you through to getting things okay.


Drown in the music,
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block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:26 AM

I haven't told anyone about the flashbacks. It is just so hard to talk about it and I always give up trying to talk about them. I started having them because I come across a poem I wrote after it happened. Its just too much for me to deal with.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
Tumblr
http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:36 AM

I'm sorry that coming across the poem was so tough. Reading stuff I've written tends to bring up memories, too. I understand how hard it can be to tell people about stuff like that - I used to basically not be able to say things like "I" without bursting into tears. For me, if I feel like I should tell someone about something, it helps to write down what I would want to say and have the person read that instead; I don't have to worry about my vocal chords cooperating or anything. You could maybe try that with your doctor, or a counselor, if you could get the chance to talk to one.

You don't have to try to cope with what you're feeling alone. We're always here whenever things get overwhelming, and asking for help from someone else is okay, too. There have been times where it seemed that I'd exhausted all the possibilities I could think of for dealing with things, when it turned out there were more possibilities - they were just ones that I hadn't thought of, but that someone else was able to point out to me.

And even if getting the flashbacks to stop doesn't happen right away, finding ways to be good to yourself, to "destress" at least a bit in the mean time can be helpful, too. Things like listening to cheering music, watching a favorite TV show, writing, putting on lotion, painting your nails, going for a walk, whatever might make you smile for even just a moment, can still give you something besides the flashbacks to direct your focus towards for at least that instant. And even if it's just for that instance, that's still a moment when things are okay. And they'll keep getting more okay. So, how can you be good to yourself?

Hang in there, Saria. :hugs:


Drown in the music,
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block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:39 AM

I just don't have the enthusiasm to even try to cheer myself up. Everything just seems to hard. I can't stand it.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:48 AM

I've found that getting up the muster do something when I'm feeling down is often the hardest part. But once I do pick at least something to do and make myself stick with doing it, then momentum sort of naturally picks up and it gets easier as I keep going. So, for example, because singing along to some of my favorite music often helps me, even though even just whispering out loud may be the last thing I want to do when I'm feeling down, if I can make myself at least mouth the words, and then sort of hum along, if I keep going then eventually it'll get to the point where I'm belting out the words and feeling much better.

Anything that seems even remotely helpful as a healthy coping mechanism for now, until long-term solutions start kicking in? Or is there anyone, even just one person, who you could decide to try to talk to at some point? Sometimes just knowing that I've at least decided to try to do something helps bring a bit of relief for me.

Hang in there, Saria. We'll getcha through this


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 08:55 AM

I always tell myself that I am going to talk to one of my teachers that I get along with well, but I always back out of it or get to shy to say anything. I have tried writing things down to but I always back out of giving it to her. I just don't seem to ever be able to confront anyone about it.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 09:02 AM

I've done that before too, written things, meaning to give them to people or just planned to talk to someone. But even if you haven't ended up talking to them, at least having thought about trying to is a start.

Is there any way you could email this teacher, to ask her if you could talk to her? Setting up a specific date and time that way can sometimes help to make things more definite. Or besides just asking to talk to her you could try writing down in the email what's bothering you, so you don't have to worry about telling it to her once you do meet. Or if you can't email her, could you call her? Or even talk to her in person just to set up a time to actually meet? And it's okay for you to ask for her help in making sure that you really do meet with her. And when you do talk to someone, you don't have to get out absolutely everything in one breath; remembering that it's okay for me to move a relatively slow pace sometimes helps things for me to be less intimidating.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 09:13 AM

I guess I could try it is just that it seems to me like I shouldn't be bothering her with my problems even though it is part of her job. I am just so scared about being judged that I convince myself I don't want to talk to her at all, even though
I know I do.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 09:18 AM

Hey Saria,

I don't think she will judge you at all. I know the feeling but in reality she will probably be pretty understanding and it might help to have someone you can talk to. Please give it a try?

And remember my pm box is always open.

~Jenna~


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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 09:19 AM

Don't worry, honey. You wouldn't be "bothering" her with your problems. There have been times I've been hesitant to talk to a friend or someone about what was going on with me because I didn't want to burden them with anything, but to people like friends and teachers, helping you with what's going on isn't a burden. And people are actually often typically even happy to help, and honored that you trust them enough to let them know what's going on.

I worry about people judging me, too, as someone I'm not, if I tell them something. But I've found that everybody has issues, somehow, and more often than not don't judge others for what theirs are. People are often shockingly understanding. And teachers especially tend to be understanding enough to know to not judge others.

If you notice that you're starting to convince yourself not to talk to her, try just taking a second to take a deep breath and tell yourself simply but firmly, "No. I want to talk to her. It will be okay. I am going to be good to me and ask for help in that." Or however you'd say that


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: The End - July 18th 2009, 09:29 AM

I guess I'll try to talk to her Monday then but I don't know how I will go because I am always so shy and find it very hard to talk to people about normal things, not even mentioning personal things. I'll see how I go anyway.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: The End - July 19th 2009, 03:26 AM

That's a great idea. I'm really proud of you for at least planning to try to talk to her. Keep us updated

Hang in there. You can do this. We believe in you, hun


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Re: The End - July 19th 2009, 03:39 AM

I'm not so sure if I want to even try to talk to my teacher now. I keep getting this feeling that its not a good idea and I shouldn't be bothering her but I don't know. It just seems unrealistic for me to talk to her.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: The End - July 19th 2009, 03:51 AM

There have been times when I've talked myself out of telling someone about what was going on for some "reason" or another. But in the end, no matter how pointless or unrealistic is seemed to be, the "reasons" were really just rationalizations I was coming up with because of my own fear.

Take a deep breath, and remind yourself to believe in you. Talking to someone, having someone there on your side, is important.

Keep trying to take care of yourself, Saria. Hang in there


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dance in the rain,
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Re: The End - July 19th 2009, 03:55 AM

I don't know, I am just so confused about what I want to do. I know I want to talk to her but when I think about it too much I think there is no point in even trying. I am just confusing myself more now trying to decide whether or not to talk to her.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: The End - July 19th 2009, 04:11 AM

*hugs*

I definitely understand how that feels. Like I mentioned, there have been times where I'll make a decision and then talk myself out of it. But I've found that there's often a difference between what people *want* to do and what people *need* to do, in order to really take care of themselves. And it seems like talking to your teacher is a really good way to reach out for help in taking care of yourself. But you have until Monday, so maybe try not to worry about it for now. When you get to school, then you can focus on whatever you need to do, but worrying about it right now isn't really going to get anything done.

Hang in there


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and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: The End - July 19th 2009, 04:16 AM

Ok then. I'll try to forget about it for now anyway. Though I don't think I will succeed I'm not that good at distracting myself though. Anyway I will try and talk to her tomorrow.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: The End - July 19th 2009, 02:40 PM

hey hun, good luck with that! (: and i know you can do it. keep us updated!



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Re: The End - July 20th 2009, 07:07 AM

I didn't tell my teacher at all. After class she had a detension and everyone else had to leave and then I couldn't find her for the rest of the day. I just hate myself so much for not talking to her. It just seems as though maybe I'm not meant to have help, as if the whole world is against me. Its just too hard. I'm never gonna get anywhere.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: The End - July 20th 2009, 03:41 PM

Hi Saria,

*hugs*

I'm sorry that things didn't work out. But hang in there, you will get help! Don't be frustrated with yourself. Maybe just try to talk to her the next time you see her, or leave her a note asking if you two could talk sometime. Don't give up! It'll be okay.

Thinkin' of ya


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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