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Life isn't going according to plan.... - August 5th 2009, 06:08 AM

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been trying really hard to work on being a better person. Ya know, letting go of the shit in my past and not letting my mental issues get in the way of my life anymore. But I can't stop. I started feeling really bad tonight, and I went straight back to my old ways. I cut and I took a bunch of painkillers. I just don't know how else to deal with things. These are the only things I've ever known. It's the only way I've ever dealt with things. I just really want to be normal, to be ok. I just feel like this is never going to go away. I don't know what to do. I hate myself for doing this shit. Other people can deal with things without harming themselves in some way. At the same time, I have an amazing boyfriend who makes me feel much better, but then I feel shitty because I know I shouldn't be with anyone. No one deserves to have to deal with someone like me. How can life be so good and so awful all at the same time?
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Re: Life isn't going according to plan.... - August 5th 2009, 06:14 AM

Hey there,

*hugs*

life just decides to be really frustrating sometimes and be really contradictorily complicated. But you're not a horrible person, and you definitely deserved to be cared about. And there's nothing wrong with you. There are things that may be going wrong right now, but that doesn't mean that they have anything to actually do with you.

It's amazing that you'd tried to get through things and move on. You should be really proud of yourself for trying. It's amazing. But you don't have to do that alone. Do you have a counselor you could talk to? They can often really help in working through things, point out ways of dealing with things that we hadn't thought of before. Helplines can also give a lot of support and advice; I personally like Hopeline, 1-800-442-HOPE. Talking to someone like a friend or boyfriend or parent or other relative or even neighbor might help, too. Sometimes dealing with things is a whole lot easier when we know we're not the only ones holding ourselves up.

Hang in there. We're always here to lean on, too. Feel free to PM me anytime


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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