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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Liz [: Offline
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Help - September 27th 2009, 04:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Possibly triggering Self Harm also.

I've always had 2 best friends in my life. However, "Emily" was my absolute BEST friend, she's never mean to me, but "Rachel" has multi-personality disorder. She is really mean...I know it's not her fault...but still she's cruel. She commited suicide about 1 year ago...

"Emily" and I were talking, and I learned some stuff. By the way "Emily" is a 2 years older than me. And she's the only reason I'm alive. She helps me with my problems.

Well one day I was telling her about my self harm (we tell each other everything). She told me her life story, including she self harm too...and she survived a suicide attempt last night (now two nights ago).

It just broke my heart. Nobody knows how much it hurt to hear it because she keeps me from going too far and commiting suicide sometimes, and self harm. I wouldn't be alive without her, and to think I would have never got the chance to meet her, spend 4 years of a best friendship together, cry on each other's shoulders...it just broke my heart.

Now I kind of feel like S*** because people in this world are so cruel...to me AND her.

I don't want to lose her...

And I'm not ready to die, but feel like I want to, but I don't at the same time...does that make sense???

I have a lot of stuff in my life right now...and that just beat the cake...and I want to be in peace. Everybody deserves to be happy.

I'm sorry, I know I sound so stupid. The only person that has told me I was beautiful, smart, life was worth living, I'm special, and stuff like that, is "Emily". And I almost lost her, and I know she survived, but it still leaves me feeling guilty, sad, and stuff...

I need help...I feel trapped, guilty, depressed and suicidal...for the first time in my life...

I'm sorry I sound self-centered...nobody's going to reply but that's okay...but I'm crying right now...I'm having a break down. It took me 38 minutes to type this because of the way I feel.

Last edited by Liz [:; September 27th 2009 at 04:52 PM. Reason: I left something out
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nobody123 Offline
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Re: Help - September 27th 2009, 04:57 PM

Take a deep breath. It's okay, it's not your fault. You don't have to feel guilty. Encourage "Emily" to seek help from a therapist or school psychologist or whatever is available, if she doesn't already. You should, too. Sorry if that wasn't helpful at all.. I just wanted to say something because I am here. PM me.
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savealife723 Offline
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Re: Help - September 27th 2009, 05:29 PM

It's not your fault what "Emily" has gone through, and instead of feeling guilty, you should be so happy that she's still here. That's something to celebrate with her. That she's strong enough to go through all that, and still be here.
I'm sure that through helping you, it's also helped "Emily". And I'm sure that she's thankful for your friendship because she has someone who understands.
Don't feel bad. Please.
I think you and "Emily" should go and talk to a doctor or counselor. Maybe do it together so that it's easier for you two.

Best of Luck.
Take Care.

When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
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