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LittleFish Offline
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Name: Se-Se
Age: 25
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Location: Good Ol' New Mexico (yeah, right)

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Join Date: March 1st 2009

I've lost faith in myself and humanity - October 28th 2009, 11:43 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

People lately seem like such fakes to me. I don't feel like I have any true friends. One of my friends, a girl I kind of like, is kind of a quiet mystery. The other has a high temper and seems bipolar when it comes to choosing her friends - one minute, she's your friend and this person's enemy, the next, she's their friend and your enemy. Two others, siblings, are highly conservative Mormons and would never accept me if I knew I was bisexual or lesbian. It's the same with another, only I think she might accept me eventually, though she's been so distant lately and we hardly see each other that I don't know what's going on anymore. My other friend isn't really my friend but hangs out with the first friend I listed, so I have to be around her if I want to be with the others. My parents don't seem to understand me. My counselor doesn't seem to know how to help me. I seem to have lost my ability to communicate and carry out conversations like a human being, and I fear that I'll never re-learn that skill. I'm constantly afraid of being judged. I don't think anyone wants me but my parents. Everyone else could live so easily if I were gone. They could probably forget me so easily. I don't know if living is worth it anymore. I feel like such a fake. I feel like everyone else is a fake too. And sometimes, I feel like I would be better off if I just disappeared for good. I've been tempted to make it happen before, but now, I feel like I'm closer than ever. I just want to jump into the river and end this before it has a chance to get worse.

Last edited by LittleFish; October 29th 2009 at 01:40 AM.
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faith, humanity, lost

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