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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Guitarfreak125 Offline
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I'm losing it - October 30th 2009, 05:45 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Alright, I've done so much to deal with my feelings of depression and suicide, I just can't take it anymore, it just keeps getting worse and worse. I have posted in this forum several times before, and the posts helped in all, but it's just not enough. I'm on my 5th year of dealing with depression and social anxiety and it all is just getting so damn hard. I've been seeing a therapist, taken drugs prescribed, the zoloft failed and I almost killed myself because I lost all perspective, and I currently am on 75mg of effexor. Even now this new med is not working. Everything just seems to be going downhill, I feel worse and worse everyday doing stupid shit whenever it is presented to me. Did chronic a week or two back because I friend had it, but I didn't like the feeling so I never did it again. Recently I started smoking cigarettes because so far it is the only thing that helps me relax and actually feel a little better than the pain I normally feel. Unlike in my other posts, I have had some interests in some girls, but the outcome has either been they were not interested, I never got to talk to them much, or they seemed to like me some days and others not. The last one specifically just happened, and it might just be paranoia, but I just can't take it. I am just so lonely I can't take it. Everyone seems to be just so fucking distant wrapped up with other friends and their lives. I have lost interest in most things I used to do. Prime example would be that I used to play video games in my spare time, but now I just lose interest in the first 2 minutes of playing them. I spend everyday coming home from school thinking about slitting my wrists or just hanging myself. I'm just sick of it all and I'm having a hard time convincing myself to keep going because nothing has gotten better like everyone has said, only worse. I even catch myself praying to god that I come down with some terminal illness and die so I can die without the guilt of hurting the ones I love intentionally, that really is my only deterrent. I thought my band starting and getting shows would help me feel better about myself, but really it hasn't done much for me. I'm just not sure what to do anymore...
   
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Re: I'm losing it - October 30th 2009, 07:12 PM

Hey don't feel so bad. I will be glad to led an ear and you can PM me if you want.
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Re: I'm losing it - November 4th 2009, 01:30 AM

Thanks, but I just don't know what to do anymore...I'm losing it completely, everything seems to be going wrong. Went out and got plastered on Halloween, drove home buzzed, who knows what's next...
   
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Re: I'm losing it - November 4th 2009, 01:39 AM

Hey there,
Sounds like you are going through a really tough time. Hang in there. If things are just getting worse on the medicine you are on now, I suggest to talk to your prescriber. A lot of anti-depressent medications have side effects which can worsen depression. If this is the case, you should come off the medication. (after a doctor's consent of course) Do you have any close family or friends to talk to about this? Sometimes it helps to just have someone to talk to or to take your mind off things like this. You aren't the only one out there feeling this way and you can get better. You may need to work for it, but you can do it! I have faith in you! Hang in there and don't give up. I'm always here to listen if you want.
Take care,
Alessa


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Savanna Offline
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Re: I'm losing it - November 4th 2009, 07:39 PM

You are doing just fine. You might feel like everything is getting worse but when things are good then you will feel so strong just hold in there ok.
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