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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Dragonmaster Offline
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I'm feeling so desperate! - November 3rd 2009, 12:57 AM

First off I want to apologize for posting this for you've probably seen so many of these posts. With that settled, allow me to explain my situation.

I honestly can't take it anymore. I hate my life for it's spiraling out of control and is one way crash-collision course.

I'm never going to get into a good college for so many factors going against me.

One of those is my stupid special ed status. I hate how I'm classified like this for its demoralizing and humiliating.

The worse fact is that both my guidance counselor and parents are pressuring me into using this when I don't want to. Next is the fact, that my SAT scores suck and thus, I had to take the ACT's.

I probably failed those too and thus, I'm never getting into college. I've already resigned the fact that my life is over. I cannot live like this and thus, I'm really considering taking my life.

I apologize once more for ranting, but can anyone help me?
   
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Larrinda Offline
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Re: I'm feeling so desperate! - November 3rd 2009, 02:48 AM

OKAY.
HERE WE GO AGAIN.

Calm and Collected.
You can do this dont break down.

Ranting is good it is good to get it out.
But when you break down you start to feel worthless.
And you my friend are far from worthless.

I think I know some colleges that would let in you like its so bodys business.
What religion are you?!

There is this website that I use alllllllll the time its mycollegeoptions.org
You fill out what you like in a school and it matches you with like 20 schools.
Then they have links to all the sites and you can go and see what the requirements are.


"My life is like a rolling river
So muddy and absurd
And although I might be mistaken
I know that Iíll be heard
And I find the second I try to pull away
Iím thrown back in line
All this time"
   
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Re: I'm feeling so desperate! - November 3rd 2009, 02:48 AM

Don't apologise. We are here to help. Don't hold yourself back, post as any times as you feel you need to get the support that you deserve.

As for getting into college, I'm sure you will, but if you don't have you though about doing a foundation course (not sure if you have those where you live, but it's worth a look). Even if you don't get into college right now, you can get a job with oppurtunities to progress and do training. Not getting into college is not the end of the world. There are so many other options for you. Take a step back, think about what you really want and then go for it. Forget you special ed status - it's doesn't dictate who you are. There is so much more to you. Don't let something like that hold you back.
Ella xx
   
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Re: I'm feeling so desperate! - November 3rd 2009, 08:22 PM

But I can't help it. I've always had it hard and because of that, I've worked hard. But even with that said, I'm still a failure. I don't deserve any happiness or success.I'm honestly considering of ending my life at this point for I feel so powerless.
   
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Re: I'm feeling so desperate! - November 7th 2009, 02:03 AM

Its officially, my life is finally over. I've tried to work hard but, reality always strikes me down. I'm now fully planning on taking my life.
   
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Re: I'm feeling so desperate! - November 7th 2009, 04:17 PM

Hey Dragonmaster. Do you know something called the Aurora Borealis ? That 'air thing' with colors in the North and South pole ? If not look it up. But I'm sure seeing it live is better than seeing pictures. The reason i'm saying this is because there are beautiful things in this world. School is not the end of the world. Don't hurt yourself because there is much more than school in this world. Take a breather and look at something nice, good, clean fun. But don't hurt yourself because you will miss what you should enjoy. Don't hurt yourself. Life is a gift, unfortunately you can't see that now, but just hold on and you will, pray even, God is waiting to talk and listen to you. Keep talking to us also, we are here for you.
   
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Re: I'm feeling so desperate! - November 8th 2009, 08:38 AM

I know that feeling, feeling like you're staring down the barrel of a gun. Like there's an empty bottomless pit waiting for you and you're trapped on a one way street going in for a major collision with rock bottom.

Over the last couple of months I really went down the slippery slope. I started getting drunk a lot because I needed a break from everything going on in my life. I started seeing getting my fix over my friends. The girl I thought I shared a special connection with left me. My Mom wasn't available to talk about my biological family and sent me into a binge leaving with feeling like not only did I lost my biological parents but also adoptive ones as well. I started experimenting with drugs, had intense feelings about running to the city and starting over because nothing could be as bad as it was. If I was able to get my hands on hard drugs, trust me - I was there, I would have done it no matter the costs... I'm just lucky I don't know a dealer. I nearly got a DWI due to suicidal impulses. My life was shit. My grades were slipping, family gone, friends started to distrust me and lose faith in me, and I lost faith in myself.

You know when you're going to hit rock bottom because everything in your life vanishes in front of you. Even the things you never thought you could lose like family and friends. It sucks, to be honest. But, it was when I staring right at the barrel of gun (metaphorically speaking) that I finally realized what I was doing to myself. That life is worth living, that this whole death wish thing was crap. It was endless cycle, think my life is falling apart and going nowhere - binge to get rid of it, fall farther... repeat.

I was lucky I had a friend come in from out of town to whip me back into shape. That was when I saw how far gone I became. How I could turn it all around by just accepting things the way they were: biological parents gone, girl left, and cousin died. Not easy, but accepting it was surely easier than what I was doing to myself.

What I'm saying is, you might feel like your life is going nowhere but there's a lot further a guy can fall. However bad things might seem at any given time, it's always going to get better. Even if you need to descend to hell to realize how great your mundane life actually is compared to what it could be. Hang in there, don't let one thing get you down and let the rest slip away. You can be strong, believe in yourself.
   
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Re: I'm feeling so desperate! - November 10th 2009, 06:48 PM

I understand what both of you are saying and someways its made me feel better. But still, I feel like my life is careening out of control. For example, I got into a major argument with my parents last night. They blamed and criticized me for some particularly odd habits as well as, attacked how I wasn't studying enough for the ACT.

I fought back and stated, that I wanted to relax and that I had everything under control. I feel like I'm sometimes talking to a wall for I cannot get my feelings across to them. They started to get mad when I resisted and thus, I got made. We said some fairly nasty things and thus, were disappointed.

I feel so hurt,confused and anxious. Ever since I've entered senior year I feel like my relationship with my parents is slipping. There so at odds with me that they utterly despise me. Even now I'm considering whether or not I should take my life. It would seem so much better to just release myself from all this pain and anguish.
   
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