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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 12:57 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I think about killing myself everyday. And I think it's normal. I think it's no big deal. That just doesn't seem right.
I don't know what to do. I can't get help without telling my parents, but I can't tell my parents because they wouldn't care.
None of my friends are around anymore. No one is. I feel so lonely all the time. I hate it. This year has just been impossibly hard. And it got better for a while. But now it's back to where it was and I don't know what to do.
I hurt all the time, nothing makes me feel better. I always have on this stupid fake happy thing, and it annoys me, because it makes me feel like such a liar, but I know without it I just couldn't cope. I feel like I only have a certain amount of fake happy I can come up with each day, and once it's gone I can't bring myself to talk to people, because I just want to go off and cry.
I just wish someone could fix me so I wasn't like this anymore, but I get that thats impossible. I just feel so broken. I haven't felt whole, or truly happy in so long. I just want to crawl up in a ball and go to sleep, and never wake up again.
Whenever I try to talk to anyone, I start to, but then I'll just change the topic or make a joke. I mean, I can guarentee if someone replies to this, I'll just pretend everything is okay now. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to stop feeling like this, but I don't know how. I want to be normal. I don't want to die, but then it's all I think about doing. Ending everything, because I think it would be easier. People talk about the future, and the idea of being alive in 60 years, or even in a year, makes me so upset, because feeling this way, for that long, would just hurt so much. I've only been around for 17 years, it feels like it's too soon to go, but then I feel like it's the only way that I can feel.. Anything, other than how I'm feeling now. I desperately want for someone to see I'm not okay. See that I'm not coping. But then the thought of someone actually seeing how I really am, scares me so much. I just don't know what to do.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

[♥]
   
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 02:05 AM

Hi, I know how you are feeling. Do you have anyone at school you could talk to about this? like a counselor or teacher that you like? You may be surprised how people react to knowing how you really feel. They care about you and would want to help.
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 02:12 AM

I know how you feel.
   
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 02:17 AM

No, theres no one, I left school at the start of this year because I just couldn't handle it, it was making me feel trapped.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

[♥]
   
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 02:21 AM

that sucks...
   
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 02:24 AM

Yup, it does.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

[♥]
   
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 03:05 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I'm not very good at giving advice, but I'll try. One idea is calling or texting Youthline (http://youthline.co.nz/index.php) , and talking to them. Just becuase you think your parents won't care (and I'm sure that they do care) doesn't mean that you can't try telling them.

Otherwise, anyone else at all you could talk to? Granparents, Aunts, Uncles. Maybe even a friend's parent, or someone else you trust.

It is possible to recover. Don't give up hope.

Hugs,
Cherry


"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
~ Harlan Ellison








   
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 06:52 AM

There aren't any family people I can talk to, and I'm not close with my friends anymore, so def not with their parents.. I'll try the youthline thing though, thanks.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

[♥]
   
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Re: Theres something wrong with me - November 5th 2009, 07:15 PM

Well if you need to talk I would be glad to do the best I can. I have always been there for my friends and other people and I will be there for you if you want.
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