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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
I'm Not Who You Think I Am
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I want to die. - November 13th 2009, 08:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ive had enough. Im crying, again. I keep trying to hold myself together but I cant do this anymore. Its the worst thing ever.. Its NEVER going to get better, It hasnt in the many years Ive been waiting until now, and it wont ever change. My life is always going to be shit, I'm ALWAYS going to feel like this and I've had enough of it.

I need to die. && thats exactly it. Its a NEED.

I CANT live like this anymore.
Im fed up with the constant threat of being put into hospital being there.
Of having to pretend. Of NOT sleeping.
Im fed up of cutting. I have medication from my last 2 months worth of meds before they stopped them particular ones, I have belts and ties, Ive had enough.

I cant live like this. The voices, and the paranoia.. Its driving me round the bend, whats real and what isnt??

How am I supposed to know..

I need this all to stop, the memories, the dissociation, the fear.
I put on a brave face but that doesnt last long, I can almost feel myself slipping down further, again.. Not able to pretend anymore.. cutting myself off from everyone.. I'm trying, Im really really trying. Im still taking my meds, as much as the voices hate it and stuff..

I cant cope, but if I confess to how much Im struggling, there'll admit me.. hospital makes me worse, Ive been inpatient before, and I dont know what to do. Its hell. Trying to pull myself together, pull my life together but I cant, I can feel it slipping a little bit more each time.. Im waiting for assessment to psychotherapy, but who knows when that'll be..

Im scared. Im barely in control. Barely. The voices dont want me talking about them, so they make it so much worse, and the people after me..
I cant do this anymore.. This might not even make sense, I just need it all to stop and go away.

As far as I can see. To die is the only way out..
I dont know what to do.. things are below rock bottom..


[x] Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

Baby, i want you to be my superman.
  Send a message via MSN to xxCookiiexMonsterxx  
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Re: I want to die. - November 14th 2009, 02:12 AM

aw Steph please don't give up.. I'm so sorry you feel like this right now. PM me if you want to talk please you know I'm here for you
   
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Re: I want to die. - November 14th 2009, 02:27 AM

hey dont give up try to see if you can turn to someone for help and talk to them about it and if you ever need to talk i am here for you and i understand what you are going though right now.
   
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Re: I want to die. - November 14th 2009, 04:04 AM

Hey Steph,

I know your life is full of crap, to say the least. But you matter more than you could ever imagine. I read this on a website once: "People often resort to suicide as a desperate attempt to find relief. But relief is a feeling, and you have to feel alive to feel it". Do you understand, Steph? You can get relief by living, and seeing how everything works out.

I know how you feel, like how you can't seem to put your life together? I still can't seem to keep my composure, but I guarentee you, life DOES get better, I promise it does. With a little work, and opening up, it is VERY possible.

I care about your well-being. So do many people. I don't even know you but I get attached to people emotionaly, and I, along with many other people, would be absolutly deviastated if anything every happened to you.

PLEASE, PM me anytime you need comfort, someone to talk to, or whatever you need. I don't have a life so I'm on TeenHelp a lot. Lol.


-Laela.


I love : )

"Love is simple... Don't be afraid, you're already dead."
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
I'm Not Who You Think I Am
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Re: I want to die. - November 14th 2009, 02:38 PM

Thanks guys for replying.
Its great to feel understood.
Im trying so hard, yet I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere.
I want it all to stop. I understand that saying.. Ive read it before,
I just cant cope, and I cant live like this.
Its beyond. I was never supposed to even get to this point in my life,
I was supposed to die years ago.. I cant remember the last time I was
truely happy.. I want the memories to stop, the voices to stop,
I wanna be able to tell the diffirence between reality and not, but I cant.
Im never meant to be happy, Im supposed to be like this forever,
but I cant deal with that..


[x] Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

Baby, i want you to be my superman.
  Send a message via MSN to xxCookiiexMonsterxx  
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Re: I want to die. - November 15th 2009, 04:01 PM

Sorry for the late reply.
I'm not going to say i know how you feel, but i do know how being awake till the sun comes up laying in my bed not knowing why the hell i bother.
Its hard, really really hard. And your stronger then you think, because your still here. If you feel like you can't control what your going too do, seek help, there is no shame in it, if it keeps you alive its all worth it, any steps you can take. Not being able to hang onto what hope there is in the world is a scary feeling, i know. But if you try too be happy (and not fake it, i mean actually try) it is possible.
Sorry I can't be of more help, you can e-mail me if you like, i'd be glad too talk when i get back from work
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
I'm Not Who You Think I Am
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Re: I want to die. - November 16th 2009, 01:36 PM

I overdosed the on saturday. Didnt work, obviously.
I want out.
Im hurting far to much.

I cant do this anymore.

Its too much to keep trying to just fail.


[x] Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

Baby, i want you to be my superman.
  Send a message via MSN to xxCookiiexMonsterxx  
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