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Exclamation Family/Personal/Friends basicly everything... - January 10th 2010, 08:47 PM

OK let me start off that im 17 turning 18 in march. its really been very hard for me for over 5 years now that i can actually remember. I used to live in Europe but we (my family ) moved to Canada because of my dads disability. the doctors diagnosed that he has multiple sclerosis (MS) which disabled him waist down. IT also affected his mental stage as it looks like. the doctors cant figure out why. he's like a child. cries, screams, moans, if he wants something or just for no reason for the whole day, every day, and he screams like someone is torturing him its like fucking Saw, i wake up to screaming every day and go to sleep to screaming, i lay in bed for 1-2 hours before i actually go to sleep. so me my mom and my dad live together. i have a 25 year old brother that moved out but we are very close. this obviously is affecting my mother, and it is extremely hard for her i understand, but she keeps putting everything on me as well, she is always pissed off about every little detail about everyone. I stay in my room for most of the day with my headphones on. I haven't been a straight A student, ever, but i would always go to school, do work, homework and whatever but lately, past year, ive been missing school like 3-4 days a week, i gained a lot of weight i always feel pissed off about everything, im always mad, but i never show it, i talked about this with my brother like couple of times a year ago, he always tells me to man up, and keep my self together, i really try. i have matured earlier than im supposed to, way earlier, i haven't had a dad, even when i was little because he was a dick and used to cheat on my mom. I literally don't have anyone to talk to about this, i do have a lot of friends, but they know me as cool friendly, smart guy. I never show anything with them because all my guy friends are like old women who gossip between them about what ever they can judge, i always keep confident with them and i try not to show anything so they dont judge me and talk about me behind my back, they piss me off so bad, they judge other people but they are worse than the ones they are judging. They are from the same country that i am from, we kinda have alot in common, (i mean culturally and all,) and the "girl friends... well i cant talk to them that much cause im not very close to them (im not so close with my guy friends but you know) so i know you would say why are you friends with people you dont wanna be with. its hard to look for friends right now when im boiling from the inside. I know im alone. sometimes i keep myself happy and think of the good times, try to walk off the pain. but i cant do it lately. i think im all out, and im stressed out and depressed, i used to think about suicide when i was 15-16 but not any more, i believe that i have alot to take care of, i feel that i am responsible for alot more than i think. and im so tired i dont know what to do, ive been keeping this for years. never told this to anyone so i dont know what response i will get, maybe i said too much, but there is so much more... so here we go...
   
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Re: Family/Personal/Friends basicly everything... - January 10th 2010, 08:51 PM

Hey-

Welcome to TH & I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain right now.

just wanted to encourage you to reach out for help to people in your life because it sounds like you may have a mental illness such as Depression. Many Mental illnesses like depression are treatable with medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes such as eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better.

Ask yourself "If I was happy, how would life be different than it is now?" It may be hard to imagine if you've been in emotional pain for a long time, but try to write as much as you can about what your life would be like. Then try to pick out the things in your "happy" life that you actually have control over and can work towards. Something like winning the lottery isn't realistic, but there are probably going to be several things that you do have control over. Make them specific and realistic goals.

You're NOT alone.

Megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
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Re: Family/Personal/Friends basicly everything... - January 10th 2010, 10:50 PM

too bad i only get a copy and paste thx anyways


I'll fade away... turn my back and disappear!
   
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Re: Family/Personal/Friends basicly everything... - January 11th 2010, 06:31 PM

Talk to your mother and explain to her that you understand to a point how diffucult it is to experience this. I say this because showing her that you too are feeling pain and that you sympathise with her will show her that you love her and that will go a long way much farther than you will expect.

The act of you staying in your room, missing school and the weight problem are signs that what is happening is adversly affecting you much more than you realise. Some of the emotional stress in getting out physically but ost of it is still in your heart.

If your friends make you angry so much, try and spend sometime away from them. If they are ones who judge then I advise you leave them and find true friends. One's whom you can talk to about what is happening and how you feel. You are very correct in knowing that it is not easy to find friends. But staying with ones who are not really friends and who hurt you is worse than being alone. Enjoy your life.

PS : With what is going on, you need to be stronger not only for you but also for your mom. But i guess you already knew this.

Last edited by Jacksonian; January 11th 2010 at 06:32 PM. Reason: addition
   
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