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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
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Thumbs down Is this just the way it is? - January 17th 2010, 06:06 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Very few things excite me, and very few things make me smile. There are only three people who can make me smile whenever they wish, but only one knows this.

My life is managing alright I suppose, but I'm terribly depressed. It's been a little while since I last self-harmed but the urges are strong and worsening and so are the suicidal thoughts.

I have this really good friend...and while I'm talking to him I feel decent, happy. Then as soon as he has to go...or he mentions someone else, I feel insignificant again and just wish to disappear.

When my boyfriend is not around, or if he is playing a game, I feel alone and like it would not matter if I stayed alive or not.

This feeling is tiring..and despite the smile and laughs I put on for others...I'm losing my grasp. The days are getting worse. Today I cried because I overcooked cinnamon rolls. I also cried because I yelled at my boyfriend who in turn yelled at me. I then cried about wanting my antidepressants from the store. And I am crying now because nobody is on and he is asleep beside me.

See the pattern? Each day = more crying. And I am sick physically as well...It seems my body is agreeing with my mind in giving up on life.

I have a counselor and psychiatrist, but I believe I need to find new ones. My counselor offers no advice and my psychiatrist doesn't know anything about me.

Oh how I wish I could just disappear right now...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is this just the way it is? - January 17th 2010, 07:09 AM

Hey there Mystery =)
Well, first off I'd like to say that I'm so sorry about how your feeling. I wish there was something I could do to help, actions always speak louder then words but, I don't know you so I can't.
The best I can do is give you some advice, and I hope it helps. Recently I was feeling like you. My days were progressively getting worse and I woke up and thought about weather or not I'd make it through the day. I got scared enough where I actually admitted myself into a psychiatric hospital. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. Honestly, I went in there wanting help. I think thats important, going in with an open mind. I do, truely suggest this. I think it is the best thing you can do for yourself. It allows you to see a few psychiatrits, a few counslors, be in groups with other people like yourself so you don't feel so alone. I was suicidal. When I left, I wasn't. That is huge. Wanting to end your life should be a sign that you need to get some help. For yourself sweetie. I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm certain that there is more to your life to live. And when your going through our days like you are, thats not living. Live! Live with everything you have! In the hospital they also offer techniques on how to resist SH urges and how to keep depression at bay. I really hope you consider my adivce. I swear by it. You don't want to keep living like this. You know that this isn't okay. Get yourself to "okay."
Because you deserve it.
Simple as that.

Take care Mystery. PM me if you need anything. Ever.


Life is to short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before itís too late
I canít turn that clock back around
On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

Need to talk? I'm here. --->
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is this just the way it is? - January 17th 2010, 07:21 AM

I would love to actually...but I don't have a break in school and if I were to go there, I'd be in for around 2 weeks and then I would be kicked out of school =[[[[[ that would only make me worse...
   
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Re: Is this just the way it is? - January 17th 2010, 10:17 AM

i understand what you mean, but recewntly i have been admitting to people when im not always "happy" and they seem so shocked at times, but they then begin to understand mostly. just try to hold onto little things and talk to people about how you feel, but if it's really bad, talk to a professional and if you think the people you are seeing are no good ask for new ones. thats my best advice.


leave me alone i'm not an angel

and i know i'm losing my mind for no real gain

<if you want to get out alive, run for your life>
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
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Re: Is this just the way it is? - January 18th 2010, 12:14 AM

I know most people will eventually understand. I just don't WANT to tell them. I'm tired of telling them. I'm tired of worrying people...


Yet I just wish someone would see on their own how miserable I am. I'm feeling suicidal tonight. =[ With nobody to talk to.
   
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Re: Is this just the way it is? - January 18th 2010, 03:53 PM

just wanted to encourage you to keep reaching out for help to people in your life because it sounds like you may have a mental illness such as Depression. Many Mental illnesses like depression are treatable with medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes such as eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. IF your current therapist and psychiatrist aren't helping other might. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better.
Ask yourself "If I was happy, how would life be different than it is now?" It may be hard to imagine if you've been in emotional pain for a long time, but try to write as much as you can about what your life would be like. Then try to pick out the things in your "happy" life that you actually have control over and can work towards. Something like winning the lottery isn't realistic, but there are probably going to be several things that you do have control over. Make them specific and realistic goals.

the only thing you can count on is change, so why don't you stick around? This too shall pass. Things get better, things get worse, but it won't be this way for ever. Don't be afraid to ask for help. your life is valuable.

You're NOT alone.

Megan



When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
-grey's.anatomy-
   
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