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Life17 Offline
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Age: 28
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Join Date: January 18th 2009

Nobody is as lucky as me - January 25th 2010, 03:43 AM

I feel like nobody can be as lucky as me. Im lucky to be alive, have a family, have a good education, and people to care about me. If I had a choice right now I would rather be dead and past my life on to someone who really needs it. I just dont feel like I deserve to live this life. I feel like there is someone out there who life is so much worst than mines and can cherrish my life better then what I can. I feel so miserable a miserable girl who cant function. Ive ask god so many times to please save me.To save me from this darkness and turn it to light. I want to be alive and live the best life that I can possible live but I cant stand living through this pain. Ive expressed that many times to my family friends and everyone else who wanted to be there for me and no one can understand enough to help get the best help that I can possible get. It sucks to know that it doesnt matter how much I hurt and the way that I feel. For the two years that Ive been going throught depression Ive just been giving drugs and hope that my life goes better. Ive hit rock bottom 3 times before to know that Im there for the 4th. My brain tells me to lock myself in my room to avoid the world in the pain that is in it. It tells me that even though hell sounds bad its better then being on this earth. Im no one to tell myself that there is going to be a change. Im stuck in silence dont know what step should come next. Im scared to leave my love ones along on this earth but feel like it is the best. Many people would go against my decision and say what they know best, but Ive heard it all before and nothing has changed. Ive always wanted for someone to hold my hand and guide me throught the way but found out that its impossible. Many songs have got me through many days. As tonight I will pray for maybe the perfect last day that will make me live forever.
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Name: Jessica
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere I don't want to be...

Posts: 93
Join Date: February 23rd 2009

Re: Nobody is as lucky as me - January 26th 2010, 01:41 AM

First off, it is good that you have recognized how lucky you are. From what it sounds like you have very caring friends and family. They were there to listen and try to help and that must count for something. If they tried to help then they obviously care. Your feelings and pain do matter, and that is why there are people out there to help. I agree that music is a great release and a great help to get through your day. Sometimes it feels like that's all there is. But you have caring family and friends and it sounds like they want to help you, they just don't know how. Try talking to them again. I mean, really talking. As hard as it is, try opening up completely. It will make it a lot easier to be understood and a lot easier for them to help you. Feel free to PM me, or EMail me. My EMail is under my info. Hope you carry on well.

I'm a saint, and I'm a sinner.
I'm a loser, I'm a winner.
I am steady, and unstable.
I am young, but I am able.
Who I am - Jessica Andrews

"From dusk to dawn, everything will go on." - Me

"Be strong and hold your head high, because there are millions just waiting to see it fall." - Me
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Re: Nobody is as lucky as me - January 26th 2010, 02:20 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry that you are struggling. The thing I want to convey is that when a person is struggling with depression, no matter how good their life has the potential to be they can not see that. This does not make you a bad person or ungrateful instead it makes you a person who is struggling so very intensely that all you can feel is the pain. This okay because with time it can get better.

Do you know why you are feeling this way? Have you talked about it with people? Have you journaled about it? I really think the first step to recovering from depression is figuring out the reasons behind it. The thing is that if you don't identify the reasons you are struggling you won't truly deal with them and they will stay bottled up.

So, do you think you could work on finding the reasons you are depressed? One way I did this was by journaling. I wrote down every single thing that was causing me to feel sad, big or small, and from there I started working on those issues with my therapist. It takes time but that time really is worth it.

Do you have a therapist? If so maybe you could share the issues with her/him as time goes by. Talking to people and dealing with your stressors really does help. I know it is difficult to do but in the end it really is beneficial.

I hope this helped and please hang in there. If you need anything do not hesitate to pm me.


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