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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
Emotionally Unstable
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Name: Lea
Age: 30
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Join Date: January 6th 2009

out - January 25th 2010, 05:26 PM

im hurting, like inside.
really hurting.
i can feel the pain, emotional pain cutting through me.
i've not cut for about 4 weeks.
but i want to, sort of...

but thats not even important.
since the urge to cut has dissapeared slightly,
the suicidal feelings are so much stronger
and then with all these things at home.
im not going to last much longer
i dont know who to turn to. who can i tell.

i've told my mum before and she really doesnt care.
ive actually said 'mum i want to kill myself, ivhad enough, i want to die'
and shes said nothing. how can i let her know that this is what i want?

'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy

This depression is a killer...
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: out - January 25th 2010, 05:42 PM

Hey Lea.

Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this way at the moment.

Take a step back, and just look at how far you have come. I was wondering if you have any support atall? You could always go and see you're doctor, and ask to be referrefd to councilling. We're all here for you too.

You have come so far. Ive seen you around and at one point, i didnt know if you were going to make it, but yet today, you're still here and you're asking for help, so that proves to me that you can, that you have the strength to get through this, so dont give up. There are so many people wanting to help you. I really suggest you see you're doctor.

PM anytime, okay. I mean it.
Take care of yourself,
Jess x

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: out - January 25th 2010, 07:12 PM

Unfortunately, some parents don't take their kids seriously, and assume they're being drama queens. As Jessie said, maybe getting some external support would help.
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Re: out - January 25th 2010, 07:46 PM


i think that you currently feeling very bad. And i really think that its mean of your mother to say something like that. It might be that she was in a bad mood at the moment.. or something like that, i hope. And you can always tell us about how you feel. because we care.. so much.

alright? i know it's all gonna turn out for the better.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: out - January 25th 2010, 08:08 PM

Hi Lea,

I have always read your posts and I always try and answer. Because of this I feel like I can help. I know you are hurting and have been for a long time, emotional pain is a lot harder to deal with than physical pain.

I think that you are doing amazingly brilliant, not cutting in 4 weeks. If you can go 4 weeks, then you can try and make it more.....but dont pressure yourself. Take it one day at a time.....or if you find that hard, 1 hour at a time. Whatever happens, dont blame yourself if you do cut....its only a relapse.....and you can get on track again.

I think, you should tell someone close to you......like maybe a friend, or teacher.

Its not fair you are suffering.....if you are feeling suicidal then go to the local hospital, because they can help you.....I want to be able to help you and my way of helping you is hopefully trying to get you to understand that you do deserve help.

My advice about your mum, well, I think its not like you it is......she doesnt not want to believe you, you are her child, she cant understand the way you feel so she reacts the way she does.

You need to find a time when you both are calm and talk about it again....even write a letter.

Whataver you do, remember there is always help available. And I really hope you can feel a bit better.

Take care


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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Re: out - January 27th 2010, 11:29 AM

the thought has really been on my mind about going back to the doctors, and asking to see the councellor again.
but becasue im already supposed to be seening a threapist from rethink, for CBT (cognative behaviour threapy) then it might be difficult
i didnt feel that CBT was working in anyway, i cant do it, and i dont really like my threapist not his fault really.
but the councellor, i went to her for a few months agesss ago.
but i backed out, when i wrote her a letter about my SH.
so i dont really know if i want to go back to her or not

iv got a number to ring for a group threapy thing.
but i dunno about that, i went a small one,that just delt with the symptoms of depression and anxiety and it did nothing really.

when i got sent to see a social worker, to see what would help me most.
she told me that my SH was ok(?) because i havent been to the hospital because of it.
then its fine.
and i was shocked! i mean WTF. i cant keep on destroying myself can i?

im going out of my mind.
i cant talk to my doctor, they'll just say keep on going
when i cant, its like my body wont let me!
i feel slightly better on these pills, but the lows are getting worse
im losing all hope, which is reversing all the good the pills are doing!

i want everything to be over because i, or annyone else cant fix it.
im broken, unable to be repaired.
and im bored.
bored of going through the same thing over and over again for it all not to work

maybe i dont want it to work anymore?
because iv just had enough
im to tired of this fight.
really i am

'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy

This depression is a killer...
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