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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
troubled Offline
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Name: Stefanie Berres
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Unhappy please help!!!! - February 24th 2010, 05:36 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i need help! about 2 weeks ago my sis was admited into a psych ward cuz she was depressed and expressing thoughts of suicide cuz she had been thinking about when we were younger, when my grandpa used to molest her, my 2 other sisters, and me. around the same age for all of us we realized it was wrong and didnt see him as much. i never told anyone about this till now. so now my parents know and ive been thinking about it ever since this all happened. i have to be strong so i have to keep it all in but its hard when i see everyone breaking down around me. i end up crying at night when they are all sleeping so they cant see. my parents called him for the first time on saturday since this all happened and he denied everything, said that we all lied. then he went on to say that anything we did was on our own free will. my mom blames herself but i know its not her fault, i feel its mine. i let my sisters down. im a failure. i want to cut myself as punishment im refraining but its so hard and i dont know how much longer i can hold off before i resort to my old self again. im so lost and torn. i dont know what to do.

Last edited by troubled; February 24th 2010 at 05:46 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: please help!!!! - February 24th 2010, 06:43 PM

You don't have to keep it all in or be strong for anyone. What happened to your sisters happened to you too, the more you try to hold it in the worse you're going to feel, please talk to someone so that they know you're going through this and that you need help. Also, it's common for people who have been through this to blame themselves and for the person who did it to deny everything. It was NOT your fault so please don't punish or cut yourself, once the effects wear off you'll feel worse and it won't take it away also, once you start it's very difficult to stop.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: please help!!!! - February 24th 2010, 09:40 PM

Hi troubled

Please try not to hold everything in, you don't have to be strong for anyone. What happened to them, also happened to you as well. Crying is good, it releases "nasty" toxins out of your body and can make you feel quite a bit better.

Is there any chance you can talk to a professional about what happened as well? Please don't blame yourself, I know I know it is easier said than done, but it really wasn't your fault, not at all. And it wasn't your mum's either, how was she to know or stop him?

If you are feeling the urges to SH, have a look at the Alternatives thread (click here) and see if anything appeals to you. Squeezing an ice cube could be useful, it will still give you pain but it won't leave any lasting damage.

As Katie said, it's completely usual for him to deny this and I know it is hard for you, but it sounds like your mum believes you. Also, as it happened to all of your sisters as well - it would be very unlikely that you would all lie about something like this.

I really think you should seek professional help about this, you said yourself you need help.
PM me if you ever need to talk or anything, alright?
Take care <3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: please help!!!! - February 28th 2010, 12:32 AM

I can't see a professional I'm a broke college student. I do blame myself because I was confronted by social workers in school and I kept quiet and once I was called down to the office to talk to a social worker and police officer and they asked me specifically about this because they said they were tipped off by one of my other sisters. I denyed that anything happened and said that my sister was known for lying. I let my sister down. We are supposed to be there for our family, but I let her and the rest of my sisters and my family down.

I used to go on this site awhile back and I tried to get help then, but I was pretty much told by someone else that this was all my fault since I let it happen and nothing would happen if I went to the police because I didn't stop it from happening, that I basically encouraged it. I stopped coming here after that and now a couple years later I figured I would give it another shot.

I just feel like crap lately. I have a loving boyfriend who knows about this, but I know he doesn't like it when I talk or think about it so I stopped telling him about this and the whirlwind of emotions I'm going through right now. I know this hurts him and I don't want to do that and I was trying not to cut for him but everything got to be too much. I'm sorry, I caved yesterday and SH. I feel so stupid. I don't even know what's right from wrong anymore.
   
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Re: please help!!!! - February 28th 2010, 03:37 PM

Is there anyone in college that you could talk to? Guidance counsellor, a teacher you trust. There are also people on this site, we are here to help. If you ever need one of us, feel free to post again or PM one of us. We are here to help you.

Stefanie, there was a lot of pressure on you and you can not be blamed for denying it when you were first asked. It was so tough on you at the same time, to suddenly be confronted with something you had probably tried to forget?

I disagree with whoever told you that. It wasn't your fault at all, and no one can blame you for not going to the police. You were younger, scared and vulnerable. He was an adult who you should have been able to trust in your life, and he betrayed that trust.

I'm glad you have a boyfriend who knows, if you don't feel like you can talk to him about it is there another friend who you trust? Perhaps your boyfriend feels uncomfortable because he isn't entirely sure how to deal with what happened as he may not fully understand what you went through.

Please don't feel stupid, in the battle to quit SH-ing many people cave in at least once. You just have to pick yourself up and keep on fighting again - the fact you got so far shows just how strong you are! I believe you can get through this Stefanie.

PM me if you ever need a chat,
Take care.
Anna
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: please help!!!! - March 1st 2010, 09:48 PM

i feel like my life is caving in around me and im trapped with no way out. i keep finding out more things in my life that only make everything harder to deal with.

my friend commited suicide on friday. we weren't the closest but it still hurts me. and now this guy i messed around with before my current boyfriend pretty much told me that he likes me and misses me and wants to have sex with me again. and now that im happy he cant be happy. with me he was starting to let people back into his life and now that he left me he said he is pushing everyone away again. because of me. we were still good friends but now i think im losing him. once again because of me.

i feel responsoble for everyones pain and sorrow and heartache and lose. i hate this. i feel like im being ripped in two. i dont know which way to go. why does life have to be so complicated? it would be so much easier if i weren't around. i felt so much better when i was SH-ing, i keep thinking about it everyday now and cant help it. im resorting to my old ways again and im scared. it seems the only reason i was put on this planet was to hurt people...i dont want to do that anymore...
   
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Re: please help!!!! - March 2nd 2010, 12:49 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I can't really offer any advice, but I just want you to know that you're not alone. Hang in there x
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: please help!!!! - March 2nd 2010, 04:36 PM

Stefanie I know how you feel.. By opening up to us it is the first step on the road to recovery. You can get there, but it will just take time. In relation to your urges, keep looking at the Alternatives thread and trying to do them. PM me if you ever need too.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, I really am. Have you spoken to anyone about this? You really should talk to someone about everything your feeling, I know I've said that before. If you really can't, is there anyone on here you can trust? If not you can always talk to me, any time.

If you are happy with your current boyfriend then try to keep it that way. Getting involved again with ex's unless you are truly in love generally isn't a good idea. Do you feel strong enough to tell him that you are happy at the moment? If you can, I think you should. But if you still want to be close friends then make sure he knows you want that as well. Try to make sure that he doesn't emotional blackmail you or guilt trip you in anyway. It's cruel to be simple! If you feel you can, try to be there for him.

You don't always hurt people. Think about your boyfriend, you are making him happy for starters, not to mention any other people. Life is tough, there is no denying it. I'm not saying that as an escape but its true, and for some more than others. You've just gotta keep on fighting, stay strong and you will get there!

Here to support you all the way
Take care.
Anna
   
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