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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Life17 Offline
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Life is waiting for you - February 27th 2010, 09:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

No one has to read about my fuck up life or week but I just have to let it out some how. Last Sunday night would have made 5 days that I hadnt got a wink of sleep and I couldnt take another night of not sleeping so I took 2/4 of night quil cough syrup. It roled around to 6 the next morning and I still didnt get any sleep. So I just broke down and told my mother that I wasnt getting any sleep and told her the medicine that I was on(was only on it for 2 weeks in a half) wasnt working for me. So I stayed home that day mother took me out to eat and she wanted to talk and all of that other stuff but I remain quiet couldnt even bring myself to talk to my own mother. When I came home that day I think that I might have cut myself twice. I told my mother about taking the cough syrup and she made me an appointment to see the Dr. the next day. I got up the next morning rode 30 miles to my Dr. listening to my mother talk and once again so down on myself that I couldnt talk back. My Dr. decided to put me back on the previous medicine that I was on which sucks bc it has dangerous side effects. On the way back home we stoped by my Uncle house. I got my cousin who is older than me to by me this alchol beverage and after drinking it I felt a lil buzz. I knew right then that getting drunk will get me out of my miseray for a while. So when I got home I got some of my parents beer and liquor and drunk it. I remember laying on the ground crying for my daddy bc I was to drunk to get up and my younger sisters and brothers standing around me crying. I woke up the next morning everyone was gone I was home alone and all I could think about was taking my life so I took a lot of pills cant tell you how much but I know it was a lot.My stomach burned that whole day but I sleep through the pain. That night before laying in my bed to go to sleep I cut myself several times. Woke up the next morning my wrist was in so much pain that I couldnt move it so I took some more pills. I knew then that I had to tell someone and get help. I dont know why but I chose to tell my daddy but I did and that was the worst mistake ever. To cut that story short he told me to kill myself if I wanted to that he was going to take me off of his insurance anyways. I cried myself to sleep that night and begged God not to wake me up to see another day. Yesterday I decided to try to do something diffrrent, which was pretend as if things are getting better even though they are not and talk and smile and all of the other things that a normal teenager would do even though I knew that I was far away from being a normal teen. I think that I cut myself 3 times last night before going to sleep. I woke up this morning and went riding around town to see my friends having a good time and doing fun things. I couldnt take it so I went home thinking what is the quickiest way to end my life. I forced myself to go to sleep, and just waking up I think that I cut myself twice. Im about to show some curtisy and go to my cousin party and the only thing that is on my mind is to sleep with a random guy that I dont even know and lose my virginity before ending everything else. Maybe what Im writing is a cry for help. Who knows?

Last edited by Whisperer; February 28th 2010 at 12:39 AM. Reason: labeled as triggering :)
   
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Re: Life is waiting for you - February 28th 2010, 12:36 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. But you WILL get through this and things WILL get better, believe me. You've been doing the right thing by reaching out to your parents and telling them what's going on. I think you should continue to reach out to your mom and let her know how you are feeling. If you don't want to take the medicine because of the side affects, tell your doctor or your mom. They won't know how you feel about the medicine unless you tell them. They can probably put you on a different one if you are really worried about the medicine you are taking now. If your mom isn't someone you can easily talk to, reach out to a friend. Someone who can stick by your side and talk you through the rough nights. It's OK to ask for help, it's a sign of strength, not weakness.

What you need to remember though, is drinking and drugs isn't the right way to deal with everything. Yes, it may make you feel better for a little while, but in the end you just end up feeling worse than before. Try to use other coping methods such as writing, drawing, or singing. Find something that works for you. Also, keep on trying to stay positive. If you end up pretending to be happy and hang out with friends all day, who knows, you may end up feeling better. At least you're not going to feel worse. I know how hard it is to stay positive in your situation, but you can do it. It may be the only thing that'll get you through this. Believe in yourself. I believe in you. I do think this is a cry for help because if you didn't believe someone could possibly help you, you wouldn't have taken the time to write this. Things will get better, just hang on for now. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. PM me if you ever need anything, just want to talk, or are feeling like this again.

Stay strong,

Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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Re: Life is waiting for you - March 1st 2010, 10:00 AM

ignore what your daddy said.

If your daddy says that, he was never daddy material.if what he said was a damn joke,it's the worst damn joke i have ever heard. You need to realize and always remember that no matter what happens, you ARE deserving and should have everything positive in your life. SH and suicide , as alessa said, are only temporary solutions to anger, and depression. The true cure is something that rejuvenates the heart and soul, and also possibly brings a smile to your face try maybe stuff like good sentimental reads, or just an outing with a friend or just some relaxation which will allow you to chill... look back and realize that everything can be overcome.

I say all this because i know it is all true. Remember that at the end of all the pain, there is definitely happiness .. I know you deserve it. It seems hard for now .. i know. But you can go through it all.

caring always.


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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Last edited by Darrenboy!; March 1st 2010 at 10:08 AM.
   
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