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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
rem Offline
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Name: phoenix
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sick of tryna fit in - March 2nd 2010, 07:32 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I cant go on like this anymore. I cant keep crying and wishing to die every single day. I know my problems can be solved. I badly wanna live. I want to be happy.
1)My friends have been treating me like shit the past 3 months. Nd now they bitch about me,they exclude me from things and ignore me. They text each other in front of me nd make sure i get to know.
2)My self esteem has become nil. I feel like a freak now and their behaviour towards me makes me feel like a freak.
3)I have an AMAZING boyfriend.The best i can ever wish for.But he feels i'm trying to be unhappy all the time,that i shouldn let it get to me.But how can i not do tat when i have no close friends anymore?
4)I feel completely lost and alone. What if my boyfriend dumps me? Why oh why cant i just be happy? I'm always worried,constantly depressed nd why is it that i cant maintain good friends in college?
5)I'm trying but i dont wanna look desperate to fit in. As of now,i am desperate. Things are not getting better. I constantly think about suicide and now i feel like i'm losing hope.
6)My parents dont know about my boyfreind nd i can never tell them. I love my parents and wish they were proud of me. But my marks always remain just above average nd never better than that.
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS. I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
PS:my friends have been weird with me ever since i started dating my boyfriend. he's real popular and they resent the fact that i got him.
   
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Re: sick of tryna fit in - March 2nd 2010, 07:15 PM

Hi.

First of all, the fact you say that you badly want to live is a really good thing. It means that even when you feel at your lowest, there is a part of you that wants to keep going, and that is the part that you need to focus on.

Have you tried talking to your friends about how they are making you feel? Could it be that they simply don't know how much their behaviour is affecting you?

It is good that you're happy with your boyfriend, but perhaps you could try explaining to him just how bad the situation is getting. If he still doesn't understand, maybe you could talk to someone else? Your parents, or a counsellor at college? You say that you know your problems can be solved, and talking to someone is really a good step towards solving them.

I am always here if you want to talk. Feel free to PM me at any time - I can relate a lot to what you're saying.

Take care x
   
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Re: sick of tryna fit in - March 2nd 2010, 07:20 PM

Hey Phoenix,

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. But try to remember, no matter how bad things are now, they WILL get better. It sounds like your friends aren't really your friends if you know what I mean. Friends are the kind of people that stick by your side when you are going through a rough time. Not make fun of you and ignore you. I think you should try to go out of your comfort zone a little more and meet new people. Don't try to fit in. Just be yourself. If you be yourself, you'll find the right friends that are willing to accept you for who you are, not what you wear.

I really think you need to tell your parents, doctor, or school counselor about the way you are feeling. Because there is help available, you just have to find it. You should see about going to a therapist because it's a great way to just rant about everything going on and let things off your check. Plus, it's their job to help so you aren't alone in everything you do. I know it can be scary at first, but it's completely worth it. You aren't alone at all. We are all right by your side.

Stay strong and don't hesitate to PM me if you need to talk,
Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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Re: sick of tryna fit in - March 3rd 2010, 02:13 AM

well there ya go, your friends are haters. If you friends are gonna act like that, then don't hang around them. your better off with out them, they just bring you down.

have u tryed asking y they act funny?
   
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Re: sick of tryna fit in - March 3rd 2010, 07:49 AM

i would say your friends are jealous. your boyfriend is trying to help you. listen to him. get out of the pity pot and do something to make yourself happy, because you're the only person that can change your attitude. no other person or object can make you truly happy, it has to come from your heart. it's hard to change your outlook, because i've not only thought about suicide, i've attempted it multiple times, failing miserably at all of them. there is so much more to live for.. we're still so young, and suicide is a selfish act, because the person only thinks of their own problems, not thinking of all the hurt and anger it stirs up in their friends and family. your self esteem sounds a lot like how mine was. you need to look at the positives; you have a boyfriend, you're not failing your classes (grades dont have to be perfect).. your parents are deserving of the knowledge of your boyfriend though.. they spent 18 years trying their best to raise you to be happy, and shutting yourself away from them is just going to make them wonder.
you cant bottle up your emotions. imagine if you shook a bottle of pop. the pressure inside builds up and when you open the top, everything spills out at once. thats how emotions work. if you shake the pop and open the lid a little bit and let out a little pressure at a time, your pop goes back to normal and you can open it and itll be just fine. you gotta deal with things as they come, and id say drawing your emotions or writing how you feel would help a lot. what i do is i draw emotion abstracts; i take what i'm feeling, and sometimes i draw a whole situation with a person and a setting, and sometimes i draw something totally off the wall, with a lot of symbolism. try drawing. you dont have to have artistic skills to express your emotions through a picture, and there is NO boundaries to what you can draw. you can destroy it afterwards if you want, or keep it to look at the next time you feel the same way.

and you need to tell your friends that this is who you chose to be with. if it were me in your situation, i would say these exact words: 'you guys have some serious fuckin issues if you're pissed at me for dating somebody higher on the totem pole than you guys. for real, what are you, twelve? man dude, fuck."
but if you're spending more time with your boyfriend than you are with your friends, maybe thats why your friends are being weird with you. it makes them feel unimportant and hurt that they, who were close to you first, are getting pushed out of the picture by this guy. like when a person has older cats, and they get a new kitten. the older cats hiss at the kitten and slap it around and ignore it and not pay any attention to the owner until they get used to the fact that there's a new kitten, but things still arent QUITE normal with the cats and the kitten.

also, to help you get a quick happy, i'd say watch family guy or spongebob. that never fails to put a smile on my face. :}


But with you, I can let my hair down. I can say anything crazy! I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground. With nothing but a T-shirt on, I never felt so beautiful, Baby, as I do now..
Now that I'm with you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   
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