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MeggieMoo1995 Offline
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Name: Megan
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I'm done. - March 2nd 2010, 11:36 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't take this anymore. The numbness, the anger, and the constant sadness. It's always one of the three, and I don't want to deal with it.

I can't deal with the guilt that comes from being bullied all last year, and the pain from being tormented by my friends constantly this year. But the worst part is that if it's not me, it's someone else, and that hurts even more, because I know what it feels like, but I'm powerless to stop it.

I can't talk to anyone. I talk to one of my older friends all the time, and she tries to help me fix this and help me get better, but nothing works. It's not the same thing; I never see her anymore because this year she's really busy with school, and the only way we can talk is through text messaging and facebook.

Skating can't fix it either. I love my sport to death, but when the emptiness takes over, the passion I have for it just isn't there. I'm not as good as I can be when I'm actually in a good mood, which is never lately, so I never progress any further.

I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to pretend to be this perfect person when really I'm not. I want the person everyone sees on the outside to be who I really am on the inside. Only thing though, is that I'm not sure who that is anymore, and if it's even someone worth knowing at all.
   
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Re: I'm done. - March 3rd 2010, 04:56 PM

Hey Megan,

I'm really sorry you are feeling like this at the moment, they aren't nice feelings. But well done for posting, you are reaching out for the help you need and deserve. It is so strong to do that, you've taken the first step. Well done!

What about your parents? Do you feel you could talk to them? I think you need to find a way to show or express your emotions to help you get them off your chest, that can help a lot. The Self Harm Alternatives thread offers various ways you could do this (click here) or is there a personal project you could focus all your energy on?

The fact you were bullied is not your fault at all, okay? Please try to believe that, although I know that can be hard. Is there any chance that you could meet up with your friend for a quick coffee? Let her know you are really struggling at the moment. Or could you visit your doctor? I think if you talk to someone that you can help realise who you really are, and express your emotions to someone around.. So then you have someone you can be real with.

No one is perfect. You are worth so much and deserve to get help, don't let things overpower you and certainly don't give up! You are strong and you can get through this. Keep talking to us on here if it helps, we are all here for you.

PM me if you ever need a chat,
Take care.
Anna
   
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Re: I'm done. - March 3rd 2010, 05:06 PM

Hey there Megan!

I'm sorry that you're feeling all of these negative emotions right now, I understand how hard it can be.

I'm also sorry to hear that you've been a victim of bullying. However, you should not feel guilty about being bullied - it was not your fault at all, Megan, and you never deserved to be hurt by those people. It must also be hard to feel slightly isolated if you're not talking to anyone. Is there a possibility that you could join some new clubs? That would integrate you with others and be a good form of entertainment and distraction.

I think that you should try to continue with your skating, Megan. It's good that you do have a passion for something and I'd urge you try and continue with that. You shouldn't give up the things you love!

I believe that talking to someone about what you've faced and are facing at the moment would be very beneficial to you, Megan. I would suggest that you do try to talk to a teacher, parent or a school counsellor about what's going on for you right now.

Take care.
   
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