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Disclosure. Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Is finding it hard to find a reason... - March 5th 2010, 08:31 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

OK...so I'm finding it hard to find a reason to live these days. I've just basically had enough of everything. I'm sick of hearing about my friends problems when they don't seem to give a fuck about mine. I'm sick of being the dumbest person in my English class. I'm sick of trying my best but that nevers seems to be good enough for anyone. I'm sick of having dreams and realising that there not going to come true because I'm too stupid and pathetic. I'm sick of the people that are supposed to care about me, like teachers, putting me down by calling me hopeless and by saying that my essay is an example of what someone who doesn't do their work looks like when I do. I'm sick of people saying shit remarks about me when I just make a simple comment. I'm sick of having to care about what I say to people because I'm scared of hurting their feelings when they can say whatever they want to me. I'm sick of having to put on a happy face when I'm hurting on the inside. I'm sick of people outshining me at school in subjects that I actually try so hard to achieve in. I'm sick of not being recognised for my drama or musical "talents." I'm sick of not achieving A grades because I'm not trying my best because I'm so fucking dumb. I'm sick of fixing my friends problems but not my fucking own. I'm sick of people doing shit and saying crap behind my back because their too fucking pussy to say it to my face. I'm sick of inviting people to my parties when they don't give a fuck if they invite me or not. I'm sick of people being dickheads to me when I've done nothing wrong to them. I'm sick of looking at myself in the mirror and cringing because I think that I'm that ugly. I'm sick of not being the perfect person. I'm sick of being a no-body in life. I'm sick of hurting on the inside. I'm sick of not having a good friend that I can talk to about how I'm feeling. I'm sick of being trapped in this hell. I'm sick of trying to fight these demons when all they seem to do is push me to the ground and won't let me get up. I'm sick of not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sick of waking up and not able to be happy. I'm sick of having to admit that I might need help...
   
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Katrina Offline
you only live once.
I can't get enough
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Re: Is finding it hard to find a reason... - March 5th 2010, 01:13 PM

"I'm sick of not being the perfect person." Ah, aren't we all, though, aren't we all. It's funny, though, because we all strive for this ideal of the "perfect person" in a magical fairy tale world of someone we will absolutely never be! Not ONE person, I don't think, has ever truly thought "I'm perfect." With all the qualities that make up a person (physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, social... I could go on), there's no WAY for perfection...not that that means we shouldn't strive for greatness, but who defines perfection, anyway?

Admitting you need help is a big step, and one that will push you severely down the right path...which is a good thing..though it sounds slightly shady and probably a lot scary. The sooner you take that step, though, the sooner you'll be able to get help. And hopefully, the sooner that happens, the sooner you'll be able to work through some of these things that you're sick of!

In many ways, I see and empathize with your frustrations. I don't believe that you're unintelligent, though! From the sound of things, you're brilliant. Don't let your own frustrations with your intelligence limit you (because I feel like that's what happens a lot of the time to people...they get in such a constant cycle of putting themselves down when they could be focusing that energy on school or making friends or confidence building or just whatever).

Believe me (or at least hear me) when I say that there ARE people out there (in your life and in mind) that have good hearts and that WANT to see you get help and do your best. Whether you know them right now is up in the air ... your friends don't sound like they're being a very positive and encouraging influence right now, but there are people in this world that care about you and really do want you to get help. Seriously.

I know you feel like you're nobody right now, but maybe you're just at a point in your life where you're trying to establish just which SOMEBODY you are. It takes time, and it's something all of us go through at some point or another when we're growing up, the whole identity thing. It's okay. (:

I hope things shape up soon. Take good care of yourself. (And let me know if there's EVER anything I can do in terms of reading over an essay or helping out with anything, 'cause I'd be more than happy to help out).



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